Wait till marriage


#1

As young as I am I worry a lot about my future, and it involves my relationships. I have no interest in dealing with premarital intimacy, not now not ever, because I know it isn't always true love, which is what I pursue, and mainly because God exhorts us not to. The problem is that I can't seem to find anyone with these beliefs, not even the Christian community. I want to get married with someone I love and then have children, but I can't seem to find a man who would wait till marriage for this purpose.

I've been raised to ackowledge the importance of chastity, and I do, there's nothing I can do about that, but society is teaching men it's not "manly" to wait till marriage, and that really makes me wonder, am I ever going to find someone that shares my beliefs or will I have to be single forever in order to keep my strong promise?


#2

A few words of advice,

First, I'm single and believe in waiting and I can understand how things can be discouraging. However, in my catholic circles of friends I know plenty of good guys who get chastity. As rare as they seem to be I feel it is also rare for women to recognize chastity, especially outside of religious circles.

I have heard that the evil one loves to discourage us and make us worry. I am trying to be content where God is calling me now, right now it is to be single. I need to live in the present rather than always longing for the future. Like you, I hope to get married one day and have children but worrying about it now will do nothing. So I really try to put it in His hands. Easier said then done, but to me it's really a huge issue of trust. I need to trust in God because His plans are better than what I could ever plan for myself. When I am feeling discouraged I usually take these things to prayer and remind myself of how God has spoken to me already in these areas.

I hope that helps a bit. My God continue to bless you as you discern His will for your life.


#3

The culture and society are definitely working against chastity and the sacrament of marriage.

I wanted to recommend frequenting the Sacrament of Penance. I go on the first and third saturday of each month. If you find someone at this event, you have at least a good chance of meeting someone that is trying to grow in holiness. You might find a partner that provides mutual support on the journey to heaven.

I would be careful with sites like Catholic Match. It might work but you have to worry about the wierd people that have infiltrated sites like this. I have heard a few negative stories.

I recommend strongly against marrying someone from another faith, even a christian faith, and someone that is willing to convert to catholicism. In my experience, it is a painful and many times lonely venture.


#4

Im a young man and I am waiting. Ive turned down girls who wanted sex from me. It wasnt easy but maybe one day someone will appreciate it.


#5

i strongly agree - I often wonder if I would be in the situation I am in now if I had waited - granted there was a period of chastity before our wedding - but that being said it may have opened my eyes a bit more.


#6

MilaG, Be encouraged! There are men who want to conduct themselves with respect to God's beautiful gift of sexuality and save it for marriage. You deserve a man who wants to know all of you and not just your body.

I myself am struggling now because of the struggle of chastity with a female friend. We just broke up because of our apparent differences in opinion of reserving sexual intimacy for marriage. I think verbal, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy is compromised when sexual intimacy enters a relationship outside of marriage. This is at least my experience. I am thankful for God's mercy and guiding wisdom. So know that you aren't alone in your frustration.

You may be young, though you possess wisdom. Find the prayer to Saint Raphael, and he can guide you to the one you are looking for and he can likewise guide the one who is looking for you.
straphael.net/prayers/saint-raphael-catholic-singles.php


#7

While I have rarely turned down sex, even more rarely has it been offered to me. At my advanced age, if not for premarital sex, then I would be still be a virgin. Most likely, I will never, ever be married. Sex is a powerful temptation to the eternal bachelor.

More to the point, I believe people should remain true to their consciences, with respect to sexual morality.


#8

:o Don't despair OP! That too is something that the Evil One delights in! It is a shame... no, it's more than a shame really, that our culture more than encourages pre-marital sex and promiscuous behaviour.

But you are definitely not alone. There are thousands of Catholics (non Catholics, non-religious even!) out there who are committed to waiting. And those are the people you will eventually meet and maybe one day one of them will be your husband. A real man, who knows what love is and will love you for you, is a man who wants to keep you pure and holy. So don't be tempted by the secular culture and their shallow and false promises - time after time after time after time people get into pre-marital sex and nothing but hurt comes of it.

Be patient, pray that you learn patience, learn to live each day, do not pre-occupy your mind with sex, and over time these feelings will lessen and you will rather live each day for the Lord.

I have had pre-marital sex (including masturbation), but am now committed to chastity of the body and mind. In the begining it was tough I guess, but it becomes easier and I have learnt to rely on God and prayer.

Anyway... there are good looking, intelligent, nice, Catholic men out there who are chaste. I would know :p


#9

Hey, Mila. It really isn't easy. I'm a man myself and it can be very hard to find a woman who believes in waiting until marriage, even in a Catholic country (must be so much worse in a more decidedly secular environment). Unfortunately, the norm seems to have become that couples live together and have sexual relations, of which I will have no part.

Carry on and don't become discouraged. There's a lot of things you can do with the time that's saved when you don't have a romantic relationship. Some of the ways of spending that time involve meeting new people, sometimes possibly in Catholic environments, which can be very helpful. Myself, I'm sitting in two serious academic programmes at the same time, both paid from my own business and still have time to meet up with family, play some Starcraft or smoke waterpipe with my buddy or read a novel... as much as I'd certainly prefer to spend most of that time with a lady I mattered to, but oh well. One doesn't always get what he wants and especially when he wants it. Won't hurt becoming better prepared to provide for a family in the recession, as well as still having a life. The barber lady says it's still a couple of years until the top of my head starts balding. :p Erm, okay, that last part didn't probably sound very reassuring, but you must realise that while life is tough, it's still great. ;)


#10

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