Waiting For Marriage ♥


#1

Hello to all! :blush:

So…I’m pretty amazed and joyful to see that Catholicism really, truly matches up with a lot of my already-held beliefs (I feel kinda Catholic already, hehe!) one of these beliefs is…well…

Waiting until marriage…for…ya know… um, intimacy!..(I’m awful at talking about this stuff)

Though I’ve dated a few suitors, I’ve never actually kissed anyone, or engaged in intimacy in that way…I’d really like to wait until marriage for that kinda thing, ya know? (^__^)

I’ve found that, outside of spiritual circles…this is almost unheard of, nowadays. I even had one fella grumble,

“No one’s ever made me wait for a kiss before.” (Of course, I’m awfully glad I made him wait, because soon after I found out he was pagan and believed he was a werewolf! Yep… I’m an open-minded gal, but…maybe not that open minded… :flushed:)

Everyone- my friends, etc. are always a little surprised to find out I’ve never been with anyone before, in that way! “Awww that’s so CUTE!” They gasp, and usually pat my head or something like that…:laughing:

I hope I don’t sound mean, or like I’m judging those who were unable to wait, or anything like that! This is purely my own choice/beliefs, etc. I realize everyone has different circumstances! :heart:

But…do any of ya have any advice for someone trying to wait, in today’s world?

Huggles you all As an aside, I’d like to inform you all that I’m amazed by the CA Forums. Everyone here is so kind, helpful, intelligent. I have the utmost respect for all of you and your opinions and advice, and I’m grateful for all the sweet comments and messages I’ve recieved, while here! (You da real VIP, my peeps!)


#2

WAIT until marriage and you will NOT regret it. You’ll please God, yourself and your spouse when that time comes. You’ll also be doing the best thing for your soul. God Bless you and let them talk, let them tease, let them even criticize you but you know that you won’t cross THAT line until marriage and you’ll always have that between just you and your spouse.


#3

Aww~ Hugs :heart: Thank you for the words of encouragement! It can be rough sometimes, what with all the pressure out there!


#4

Waiting is hard, as so few people do it.

On a tactical basis, I’d identify a few specific points in physical intimacy that are encountered during dating and declare those to be my stopping points. No further. We can maybe stay “here”, but no further.

And if you find someone that you’re so enamored with that you find it difficult to slow down the contact, then really work to limit the amount of time you guys have completely alone. Maybe no going inside each others houses/apartments or just doing so when others are there. Avoiding acceleratingly passionate situations is way easier than trying to govern them, imo. The passionate part of your brain and the rational part of your brain often don’t function at the same time. :grinning:

Another suggestion is don’t take forever to decide if he’s “the one”. While I think everyone should date for at least a couple of years before tying the knot, I wouldn’t just date for the better part of a decade. Be rational about what you want in a mate and whether you can accept the parts of him you don’t like and be reasonably sure he’s had the same consideration about you. Then pull the trigger!

Lastly, find someone who feels the same way you do. They may not have to be virgins (we all make mistakes), but this commitment is hard enough when both of you already agree to wait. Believe me, I know.

So hold fast! My wife waited for me and I waited for my wife. There isn’t another man on this planet that has seen and experienced the parts of my wife that I’ve seen and experienced. There isn’t another woman on this planet that has seen and experienced the parts of me that only my wife has seen and experienced.

We are each other’s. And no one else’s. Ever.


#5

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and encouragement! :heart: I think it’s beautiful that you and your wife waited for each other. It helps to hear of others who successfully waited as well~


#6

Maybe he was a werewolf, how do ya’ know. In any case, it’s best not to date them. They can be quite moody persons.


#7

Good point! :full_moon::boar: Well, he did say it had to be a full moon before he could “Fully transform into that wolf side of himself” Cue me nodding politely while slowly backing away (Heeehee)


#8

Your avoidance of sex is admirable and you stand as a role model to all but in life it is important to maintain balance. While sex is sacred and only reserved for marriage kissing is simply a sign of love and affection. Keep in mind to draw the line at making out as it is a form of foreplay best reserved for engaged couples. Also it would be in your best interest to avoid furry coventions for fear that you might run into your ex.


#9

Like Father Larry Richards told his students at the Catholic School where he taught. When they asked him what was the absolute last line that you should NOT cross when dating. He said for both people NOTHING below the neck. One smarty “pants” student said what if I turn my girlfriend upside down and Father Larry said “NO!!!”.

This is Father Mike Schmitz and he works on a college campus so this is brought up to him often by students.


#10

My advice is don’t get into occasions of sin and don’t waste time on guys who’ll try to make you compromise.

Make sure you have cear boundaries for dating and stick to them.

Realise that it’s not as rare as you think to be waiting for marriage.

Also find people who are like minded. It always helps to be able to know you’re not the only one!


#12


#13

I actually think its a beautiful, admirable thing to save your first kiss for your husband :heart:
I would like to wait until I am engaged (if I am ever in a relationship and if I ever get engaged, haha) to kiss that person. I know it would be hard to find someone that feels the same way about this as I do, and I also know that it would be hard to overcome the temptation to kiss, when you really, really like someone. But I think it is such a lovely, pure decision, and really shows the couple’s love for one another’s souls.
Not only is it sweet that the only man you will ever kiss will be your soul mate (naaaw) but its also quite a smart thing to do too. I was reading an article the other day about the science behind kissing. It turns out that every time you kiss someone on the lips, you release a hormone called oxytocin in really, really large amounts. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone, which basically sends messages to your brain: “I am made for this person. Do not tear us apart.” (which explains why oxytocin is also released by a mother when breastfeeding her baby!!) Basically, every time you kiss someone, you form strong bonds with them that can be really hard to break. Which means that if you don’t end up with the person that you kiss, it can be a lot harder to move on emotionally, than if you just kept to holding hands, hugging, etc, with that person. Every breakup will have its heartaches obviously, but you can save yourself a lot of pain if you withhold kissing and physical intimacy!
I’m definitely not saying its wrong to kiss someone before marriage! I’d say its a personal choice! But it’s a beautiful and smart idea. Lots of people I know have done it, and say, while it was hard (and that they were sometimes criticized/made fun of, etc, by possible partners) they definitely do not regret it now that they are married to their one, true love (who respected their decision to wait) :heart: :heart:
I think the right man would respect whatever lines you draw in a relationship (even saving kissing for wedding/engagement) and its definitely a warning sign if they try and make you compromise on your values.
All the best to you in finding the man God intends for you to marry! Thank you for your beautiful post, it was so inspiring to read! God bless xx


#14

On the kissing front I don’t agree. Yes a kiss on the cheek or a quick peck on the lips is a sign of affection but for a young couple anything beyond that, more protracted or intimate is inevitably charged with sexually and in my view crosses the line. Any kiss you wouldn’t happily do in front of your parents or grandparents is out.


#15

I definitely agree - do not waste your time on a man who tries to push the boundaries or overstep then. The ‘right’ man will respect your wishes and beliefs and respect you for wanting to wait.


#17

When you’re a nice and naive girl, the best thing you can do is protect yourself. Many men won’t respect your choice at all and some may do things that are really harmful to you. I’m not telling you to be afraid of them, but be skeptical. Make sure you don’t trust strangers. Some of them are really messed up and amoral. So my advice in response to your question is this, be careful and try to avoid being raped or seduced. I really hope this helps.


#20

Why did you quote me? I did not bring it up.


#22
  1. Early 20s might be rougher than usual because for a lot of people, high school hasn’t totally worn off on them.

  2. I agree with an earlier poster that there’s more people in the world than you think who like the idea of waiting until marriage, but only a minority ever see it realized because of life getting in the way. One thing leads to the next and the next thing you know it has happened and they’ve compromised. But the inner romantic is still there. So being mindful of boundaries is important to keep yourself from getting into that situation. I think if you ever get flak because of your views, it is more than likely because that person is envious of you. They just won’t admit it to you or even to themselves.

  3. If you do go through multiple dates and it doesn’t seem to be working, look at it as experience and not failures. Now that you’ve dated Mr. Why-hello-there-I’m-a-pagan-and-I-think-I’m-a-werewolf, you can make a mental note to yourself, “Crazy people who think they are werewolves are not what I want for a husband”. You will be a wiser person and that will get you closer to your goal.

I would strongly recommended getting connected to a church community if you haven’t yet. Not necessarily for the purpose of dating, but just so you can become grounded and more confident.


#23

lol, looks like you dodged a bullet there.

From what you posted, I think you seem to be doing pretty well. Id only say that I don’t think a kiss before marriage is wrong, but that’s entirely up to you and I wouldn’t start that as soon or like secular society does.

Personally I think today in the west, a couple conversations would suffice and tell you nearly everything you need to know straight away, for me they would include same sex marriage (but id say ‘marriage equality’ so they don’t suspect a set up) and abortion (again ‘pro-choice’ so they don’t suspect a set up).

I think those answers will tell you more then enough very early on and you wont have to worry about another Mr Werewolf since you will know to back away before it even gets to that stage.

I would put money on Mr Werewolf responding in agreement with one or both of those issues.

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading.


#25

Fair enough.

God Bless.


#26

Regarding the waiting til marriage to have your first kiss…each to their own. I know a couple that did it and they are happy enough with that. I don’t think it’s necessary but it is a nice idea alright.

If that’s what you want to do then go for it.
In fairness it would probably weed out a certain type of man.


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