Does anyone have any advice about what to do while waiting for your future spouse? I often struggle with being patient. I don’t know when the right person is going to walk into my life. I struggle with trusting God in this area of my life. Does anyone have any advice on how I can better put my trust in him?
Don’t wait. Get out there and live your life. Waiting for a spouse is dangerous. Waiting for what? A person? To do what, exactly? You’re focusing too much on a picture of the “Other” and excluding the real “One” you need to be focused on.
God is waiting for you. Everyday at Mass, at adoration, in your home for prayer time and in all your thoughts. Let God be the one you desire most. Make it so that when you are not in prayer you miss talking to Him. Make Him your everything. I promise that in doing so, your life will take on a new meaning. You will start to ask “God, what is it you want from me?”. Everyday you can answer “Yes!” to Jesus Christ and give Him your will to do as he pleases. You’ll stop worrying about yourself and a spouse. Eventually, you’ll find that God will lead you to your true vocation and, if that is marriage, He will give you opportunities to meet people and potential spouses.
Keep focused on him and your impatience will melt away. He is always there, He is always ready for you, always loving and will always do what is best for you.
Not sure if you are a man or a woman, but I read What’s a Girl to Do? While Waiting for Mr. Right by Janet Folger when I was single. amazon.com/Whats-Girl-Do-While-Waiting/dp/159052330X
I think the main idea of what she says can apply to men and women - “You’re alone now—like me,” Janet says—“because God has something critically important He wants you to do right now.”
After graduate school, when I discerned that I did not have a vocation to religious life, I began dating to see if I could find my future husband (which I did! eventually) but I didn’t just focus on that. I started coaching at the school where I was teaching, I became involved with the local Young Adult’s community, I sat on the board at a local non-profit organization, and I had wonderful times with friends exploring the city where I was living at the time. And, I made sure to pray for my future husband.
Get out there and enjoy life! Work for the glory of God each and every day in the situation that you are currently in.
Also…not to be negative, but some people never meet a person they’d want to marry. Not sure how old you are but for some, it’s not in the cards, as they say. So always good to build your life with many things other than that–work on career, friends, education, traveling–and then if you meet someone you are crazy in love with, and vice versa, great!!!
Wow, I really appreciate this post, even though I’m not the OP. Your advice is exactly right!
I was suffer sometimes from this craving and anxiety and worry, not just about a spouse, but my career and my future in general. Recently, I had a terrible experience of desolation for almost three months, then I started saying rosary and going to daily mass on our lady’s feast of assumption. I also resumed prayer as much as I could. What can I say? Our Lord reserves the best victories for his mother! The desolation lifted, I got these talks online on discernment based on St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual exercises, and learned about how to reject the desolation or go through it properly in future. Meanwhile, all my worldly worries disappeared into the background and I found myself, just as you said, asking “Lord, what do you want?” I began to see that marriage is just one of the paths- but only just a path- to heaven. I found that my attitude about a future spouse was no longer “Is this a person I can be happy with?” but “man"Am I going to be a saint with this man?”
I’m happy right now that I’m single, because I don’t know if I would have been happy with my decisions had I married before now- My entire attitude was about me and all about this world. I read somewhere, that Jesus is light. If you are going to make any decisions regarding your life you had better start going to him and spending all your energy on him. Without the lamp you cannot see in the dark. It is he who knows what’s best for you and how to get there…Reminds me, I’ve been a bit lax in my prayer life lately, better get back to it quickly before the Devil starts whispering false fears into my head again!
I’m 20, and know that my chances of getting married are almost zero. So my advice is don’t even bother waiting for a spouse. Go and live your life, and if God wants you married I’m sure he’ll set things up somehow.
The desolation lifted, I got these talks online on discernment based on St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual exercises, and learned about how to reject the desolation or go through it properly in future. Meanwhile, all my worldly worries disappeared into the background and I found myself, just as you said, asking “Lord, what do you want?”
That’s awesome! Sounds like exactly what I need! Thanks for sharing! Do you know if these talks are still available and if so where would I be able to find them?
the following can help
Old thread from 2011.