Waiting or Settling?


#1

There's a girl I know, she's pretty, sort-of my type, she seems interested in me, drops various hints at times, we live near eachother (very near, 2 different apartments in the same building) attend the same parish, she is a devout Catholic, I find her attractive, I could see things working out.

All the same, I can't shake the feeling that there'd be something missing. I'm still holding out for something else. Can't say what or why.

I'm 28 now, time is passing. I should be grateful that anyone is interested in a guy with no real income (PhD student) and few job prospects (UK Universities are really suffering as a result of the economic crisis).

Things could be really good. I don't know why I'm holding back. Dunno what's going on. Maybe it's the feeling that she doesn't 'measure up' against my ex, which is stupid, because it took me a whole year to get to know my ex, and I barely know this other girl, so of course I'm not going to be as attracted to her yet. Maybe it's also the fear of getting hurt again. The close proximity is an issue too in that regard (could make a break-up quite difficult).

Anyone want to tell me to get off my butt and ask her out?


#2

Get off your butt and ask her out. sheeesh. :rolleyes:

btw, have you prayed about it?


#3

Ask her out. :heart: :popcorn: Movie and a burger?


#4

If the Lord placed her in front of you, who am I to say "Dont go out with her"?

Do it, ask her out.;)


#5

yeah it is, and that attitude is going to be a deal killer for any relationship until you work through it

instead of focusing on finding a girl who “measures up” to your standards, why not instead change your entire POV and ask God first to direct you in diserning your vocation, your purpose in life and how to attain it, and if that includes marriage, to direct you to the lady He has in mind for you, who measures up to His standards.


#6

At 28, I think you should be past the great attraction, if you are speaking of looks. Ask her out---something small and see where it goes. You could be surprised at what could happen. I was not impressed with my husband when he asked me to dance at a club, but I went on a date when he asked me & and here we are 41 years later & going strong
My husband is the kindest, sweetest and caring person I know.
Remember this lady may find that she is not attracted to you when she goes out with you so be prepared and don't be dissapointed.


#7

Do you have anything to lose going out with a good catholic woman? Particularly in your part of the nation (I hear good catholics are hard to find). Go for it, worst thing that can happen is it doesn't work out right?


#8

I agree...ask her out. (if you are truly over your ex) The worst thing she can say is ''no.'' Good luck. Keep us posted. :)


#9

[quote="DL82, post:1, topic:186283"]
There's a girl I know, she's pretty, sort-of my type, she seems interested in me, drops various hints at times, we live near eachother (very near, 2 different apartments in the same building) attend the same parish, she is a devout Catholic, I find her attractive, I could see things working out.

All the same, I can't shake the feeling that there'd be something missing. I'm still holding out for something else. Can't say what or why.

I'm 28 now, time is passing. I should be grateful that anyone is interested in a guy with no real income (PhD student) and few job prospects (UK Universities are really suffering as a result of the economic crisis).

Things could be really good. I don't know why I'm holding back. Dunno what's going on. Maybe it's the feeling that she doesn't 'measure up' against my ex, which is stupid, because it took me a whole year to get to know my ex, and I barely know this other girl, so of course I'm not going to be as attracted to her yet. Maybe it's also the fear of getting hurt again. The close proximity is an issue too in that regard (could make a break-up quite difficult).

Anyone want to tell me to get off my butt and ask her out?

[/quote]

Get off your duff, ask her out!!!! Go to a Saturday Mass, then dinner and a movie... Thats what I would do anyway.

FSC


#10

If, as you wrote, there is something missing, then don't waste your time with this woman.
You could do much better.

As a student, and only 28 years old, you have lots of time to find a mate.

A smarter choice would be to wait until you finish your schooling, and become established in your career. Age 40 is plenty soon enough to do that.


#11

Grab somsething and don’t let go! I’m the same age as you, but a woman. And I’m offically in “full freak out, I will take anything” mode. 28 isn’t that old, but if you want kids, you can’t wait. :frowning: So what if she isn’t hot? Does “hot” make a good wife? I’m thinking of getting back with my non-Catholic ex, it’s something at least. No one will fit all your standards.


#12

To the OP: anything truly good is worth suffering for. The pain then is part of the happiness now. If you sit back where it's safe, well yes, you won't get hurt... but you may also miss out on something much more amazing than anything you'll find whilst keeping her away from your heartstrings.


#13

[quote="puzzleannie, post:5, topic:186283"]
yeah it is, and that attitude is going to be a deal killer for any relationship until you work through it

instead of focusing on finding a girl who "measures up" to your standards, why not instead change your entire POV and ask God first to direct you in diserning your vocation, your purpose in life and how to attain it, and if that includes marriage, to direct you to the lady He has in mind for you, who measures up to His standards.

[/quote]

Annie's right again, of course. :thumbsup:


#14

THANK YOU. 28? Time is passing? Are you kidding me?


#15

[quote="Rascalking, post:14, topic:186283"]
THANK YOU. 28? Time is passing? Are you kidding me?

[/quote]

Byt remember for women it different. A woman's physical peak is 25, and it declines from there. While men's peak is the 30s. It's unfair, but men have the upper hand. And makeup, cute clothes, and a gym membership can only do so much. I'm competing with the 22-23 year olds, and I will lose everytime.


#16

Oh, I agree it’s different for woman! However, 28 is still young.


#17

Not for women. If a woman wants children, they need to have them before 35 (when pregnancy is riskier). Most men would rather date a 22 year old who has years of child bearing ahead of her, than a 28 year old who would have to start right away. There’s a reason they calling it “Settling Down”. :smiley:


#18

I agree in part, disagree in part. Men do want younger women, true, true, true.

However, I look around and see many of my female friends having children later. 30 to 36 being the oldest. They are, for the most part, in happy marriages with healthy families.

I see your point, I just respectfully disagree. I think aging is bit different now than it was 20 years ago.


#19

[quote="Rascalking, post:18, topic:186283"]

I see your point, I just respectfully disagree. I think aging is bit different now than it was 20 years ago.

[/quote]

Reason: Cheap plastic surgery. :D Most women in my family have their procedures at 29-30. :D


#20

[quote="CountrySinger, post:17, topic:186283"]
Not for women. If a woman wants children, they need to have them before 35 (when pregnancy is riskier). Most men would rather date a 22 year old who has years of child bearing ahead of her, than a 28 year old who would have to start right away. There's a reason they calling it "Settling Down". :D

[/quote]

(Getting out wet noodle to hit you with...:D..)

28 is young. young, young. Repeat...28 is young, young!

I was married at 28, my son was DS 1 was born at 32, DD was born at 35 DS 2 was born at almost 40.

I've read your posts before, and I always thought they were written by an "older" woman. But, gosh 28 is sooo young.

Really.

:hug1:


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