[quote="Captain_America, post:26, topic:197807"]
It took me several years to propose to my wife. Here's why.
(1) I grew up never much thinking of getting married.
(2) I was already dating her on a steady, exclusive basis. . . why marry? I like my privacy and independence.
(3) After we'd been together a couple of years, my finances became bad due to downsizing and unemployment.
(4) I think our society okays these informal dating arrangements/living together, etc. If there was more social disapproval (and familial disapproval), I probably would have felt the situation called for a decision. Since there wasn't this shared social notion of how long dating relationships last, I had zero external pressure.
(5) The girl loved me and didn't want to look elsewhere. I suppose most women stick it out with a non-marrying man in such a situation. Some occasional pressure, but really not much from this source.
Some general comments:
(1) Men don't reflect on their emotions very much, so they find themselves, as I did, not really understanding the situation. They can just plug along unconcernedly. . . even though it can affect men in a negative way by depriving them of a chance to mature.
(2) Because of this emotional minimalism, men feel less pressure to marry, while women apparently feel more pressure. Women can obsess about emotions; men just go on.
(3) No one articulates very well the positive good things about marriage (and about children). No one really, in our society, seems to teach that marriage and family are good things. Instead, we're trained to be good individualists. So we end up being spoiled and selfish.
This is so so true!!!! I hate to say this, but this is why women, who have a man who seems to be "dragging his heels", have to take charge and say, "No marriage, no relationship!"
Unfortunately, this is just the way it is and I wish it were different too.