Want to be faithful to God, but afraid of too many children


#1

i have 4 children, i love them and my husband, but since we use NFP and it's not perfectly reliable, i am scared that i will keep having so many children we will be eaten out of house and home. it's an exaggeration, but honestly i am struggling with having faith that God will provide for us. and i think my husband is also afraid of having, 5, 6 7, or more children. how do you overcome this fear? (p.s. i had 4 kids in a span of 5 years, so it seems i am very fertile, 2 of the kids were conceived while trying to practice NFP). also hubby is protestant and not totally convinced of the catholic teaching. he has mention a vasectomy but i hopefully have talked him out of that, it would make me very sad if he ended up pushing for that. thanks for any help.


#2

Well I don't know too much about NFP, but could switching methods to a more reliable one be an option?

And for more faith in God's plan regarding children, try asking for the intercession of saints who were mom's as well(like saint Monica, and especially Our Lady)


#3

What did your instructor say when you went over your charts together?

Remember, the post-ovlatory period (phase 3 in STM or post-peak in CRM) is the most conservative use of NFP.


#4

Ma'am, I think your saying what alot of people are thinking. NFP doesn't seem to be 100 percent effective-what else can Catholics do? The church-and it's parishoners-need to be much more accepting and understanding of that.

As a celibate bachelor, I have nothing to really add. Just be strong, I'll pray for you,and God bless!


#5

Are you positive you concieved both child following exactly the rules and days set aside?Im a man but I read that there are generally 3 days a month when the average woman is fertile.Also it's like in the 90% accurate.


#6

I have 7 under 9 and we live very modestly. You won’t be eaten out of house and home. God always provides - and the more we allow Him to determine the course of our lives, the more He shows us that He is all we really need! Letting God decide our family size has been an absolute blessing. Let go and let God, as they say!


#7

I'm feeling the same fear. Pregnant with 4th right now, already high-risk and old for another pregnancy... sometimes you get to a point where you're between a rock and a hard place. Also, I just read that NFP efficacy goes way down in the first year after birth. Sigh.


#8

as a blessed and (mostly) peaceful mother of 10, we have lived the laws of manna: it has been my experience that God **often *only gives me the trust i need and the resources i need for today. i have *often** only gotten enough trust and faith to obey HIM right now. and then i begin again anew in the morning.

but my relationship with my own children is similar. i only feed them one meal at a time, bathe them one bath at a time, dress them one outfit at a time. they get exactly what they need with a big helping of love added in. we like it that way. we like to look into each other's faces as we exchange gifts throughout the day.

that's how it often is with God and me, too.


#9

Monicatholic, that's a wonderful testament (from another Monica).

I have five children, all born quite close. I was terrified of having the fifth, because I didn't know how I would cope. I cried when I found out I was pregnant. I'm ashamed to say I daydreamed about losing the baby for a few weeks. Now that she's here, I wouldn't give her up for all the comforts of the world. The experience has helped me to grow spiritually - I can see that now. I used to worry about the effectiveness of NFP and how we would cope with potentially 'dozens' of children.

Funnily enough, we are now trying for number 6. God has provided for us, and my husband, who only ever wanted two children, is keen to see number 6 happen. The kids are happy, they don't get all the trappings of the smaller families, but they accept how things are and they enjoy their family.

Take each day at a time, and if you do have one more, God will not abandon you. It's pretty unlikely you'll get five more in one go, so you will have time to adjust to the new addition. Try to remember that each child is a blessing. If you accept the children God sends, he will reward you, and provide you with the graces you need to raise them all.

Also, every one of our children was conceived through improper use of NFP. Every time we took a risk, we had a baby. Ironically, we are now for the first time trying to conceive, and are having trouble. How does that work?:shrug:


#10

I cried when I found out I was pregnant. I'm ashamed to say I daydreamed about losing the baby for a few weeks.

there's a lot about this i understand. if we let HIM, God brings us past ourselves and past our fears. that's deeper conversion.


#11

If you had 4 kids in 5 years, postpartum NFP is what is failing you. It's much, much harder and much, much less reliable than even NFP during more normal times. The normal rules become basically inapplicable and you have to use ones that even NFP researchers admit are not as effective, which is why the authors of at least one study I've seen came to the conclusion that more effective methods are needed for the postpartum period because what we have now just doesn't work as well as it needs to. You'll find plenty of people who say NFP worked perfectly for them postpartum, but you'll find just as many who say it failed them big time. I've personally come across far more of the latter.

The choice comes down to (1) keep using NFP postpartum and take the very high risk of having 5 kids in 6 years, or (2) abstaining until you are done breastfeeding plus however long it takes your cycles to return to normal after that. It's a "rock and a hard place" sort of choice, but that's just one of the many burdens of NFP. :(
I have a family member who had 6 kids in 6 years with NFP, then a gap with some suspected miscarriages, and a 7th child after right after that. Then her body just gave out. So, the threat of having child after child and the devastating physical and emotional consequences of it is very real if you don't abstain long enough after each birth.


#12

Brestfeeding every 3 hours, night nursing, waiting to introduce solid foods, and avoiding pacifiers and supplemental bottles, can extend the lactational amenorrhea and infertility to 14 months (98% maximum effectiveness).


#13

I think this is very insightful…

What method are you using? Do you BF? Have you considered trying a different method?


#14

Awesome posts both Monicas! :thumbsup::thumbsup:


#15

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