Want to be open again


#1

Five years ago I gave birth to my fifth baby followed by a tubal ligation. I was and am a conservative Catholic am against the use of birth control. I loved being open to babies and the grace I received from God through that obedience.

However, I have horrible pregnacies as does 9 out of 10 women I know. I usually loose the ability to walk and have to use a wheel chair - so between my back problems and the barfing… well. I’m weak in faith during that time anyway. So then a lady went through a red light smashing my van, my kids and myself at 4 months pregnancy, I freaked out and temporarily lost faith that God would support me. The baby was fine, beautiful and perfect at birth and still is almost 5 years later. But during my weakest state of about 7 to 8 months a long, and in and out of dr.'s appointments for my back, and wheel chairs, my doctor informed me that if I got pregnant again, I might have to live in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. I got a 2nd opinion and then went to my priest. To his credit he tried so very hard to convince me to have more faith, but in the end had to leave it in my hands. Same with my hubby. Neither wanted to have me in a wheel chair and blaming them. I went through with the tubal ligation.

I’ve been told by my spiritual director, friends, dh, parents, and other priests to seek peace through our Lord. Acceptance and peace. But peace is not possible. Acceptance is beyond my reach. I want, from people who don’t know me, just my circumstances to be brutally honest with me - well, don’t be brutal… but tell me this. Should I seek a way to have a reversal? This is a cost of 8 to 10 thousand dollars of which we don’t have. Insurance doesn’t cover. Should I leave well enough alone and keep praying for peace? This isn’t necessarily to have more babies, it is to be open again to God and His desires for married couples to be open to Life.

Part of me is very, very selfish. Life with dh has never been better in the marriage room and won’t be again if I have this done…see very selfish. Also selfish of me is that my dh needs a car and has sacrificed again and again his needs for mine and our children. He asked me not to do have the procedure in the first place, now if I reverse it, I will jeopardize his ability to purchase a car that doesn’t leave him stranded or in the shop over and over again.

Any thoughts will be prayed intensely over. Thank you.


#2

You’ve confessed the sin of sterilization, and the church does not require you to reverse. I would probably not have the reversal due to the financial burden on you to obtain one at this point.

If you really feel called to explore reversal further, please contact www.omsoul.com as they have information on reversal and a book of testimony from those who have had one.


#3

You’ve been to confession and are showing genuine remorse. Don’t be harder on yourself than the good Lord Himself :slight_smile: !

Anna x


#4

I kind of know where you are coming from. I gave birth to my third child 10 months ago, and almost died giving birth to him. My doctor advised me not to have any more children, because more than likely what happened in the delivery room would probably happen again (it’s a long story). I ASSUMED it would be ok for my husband to have a vasectomy, since it was for medical reasons and a matter of life or death in my case. I haven’t spoken to a priest about it yet because of embarrasment, and I am afraid of what he will think of us for going through with the vasectomy. I would have been open to one more child, but medically it is too dangerous for me. So, to answer your question, I think you should leave well enough alone, and speak to your priest about finding peace within yourself for the choice that you made. Going to confession would also be a good step in the right direction to finding peace. I hope this helps. :slight_smile:


#5

Thank you all for responding. You have the same response as DH. I disobeyed him once, I better obey him this time. Maybe it will make me stronger too, for once, just to listen and obey.

:frowning:


#6

[quote=wannabesaved]Thank you all for responding. You have the same response as DH. I disobeyed him once, I better obey him this time. Maybe it will make me stronger too, for once, just to listen and obey.

:frowning:
[/quote]

It sounds like your husband knows what he’s talking about. We all have moments of weakness, we all sin, that’s why confession is there for us. I can’t offer you any advice but to pray that God will help bring you peace of mind.

Stayathomemom–please get to confession, talk to your priest about the vasectomy. Don’t be embarrassed–I bet he’s heard it before. I used ABC for a couple of years and when I realized what I had done I was just ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like such a fraud when I’d be at Mass. Finally I bucked up and went to confession and it was like this weight was lifted off of me. I still regret doing it and always will, but it doesn’t eat at me any more. So, please, talk to your priest; he’ll help you.


#7

Listen to your husband. What’s done is done. You are sorry and our dear Lord is so faithful to forgive. Enjoy the family God has given you and the loving husband you have and let it go.


#8

like others said here, you are not required to have a reversal. however, if it is laying heavly on your heart, you should pray about it at the least. if it’s something you realy desperately want to do and if it’s God’s will for you to do it, He’ll open a door that will allow you to do it. look for a sign (to direct you one way or the other)

I don’t know who it is, but there are some good Christian doctors around that will do reversals for free. you have to pay for the hospital visit, but the doctor will wave his fee. if something like this is available in your area, it might take some of the finantial concearns off your shoulders.

and if it’s not possable and you find yourself yearning for another child, there’s always addoption. what a great way to be generous with the Lord if you cannot conceive a child.

the simple fact that you are sorry for having the tubal ligation says a lot. a lot of people do it and never look back and go to mass and take communion sighs. Be glad that your sarrow for your sins allows your to recieve the beautiful sacraments in grace! Jesus is here to comfort you in which ever road you choose.


#9

While others are speaking more from the technical side of things regarding the Churches definition of sin, you must also weigh in the fact that you must act on that which God convicts you. If He is convicting you to be open to life, the reversal is an avenue that you and the family need to look into. If God is calling you to get it reversed, He is also telling you that the money will work out (if that is even an issue as one poster pointed out the option for a Catholic doctor who could waive a portion of the fees). Regardless of the cost, finances should never act as a barrier between right and wrong.


#10

It is always a good idea to consecrate your womb to the Blessed Virgin. Then even an empty womb can be spiritually fruitful.

Is it possible for you to be open to life through adoption?


#11

To the adoption ideas: I’ve prayed for my husband to soften on that idea. The fact is, with 5 kids already, he is very satisfied and happy. Financially speaking, we have met our kid quota. Of course, spritiually and speaking of the heart, there is no quota, but financially only… our house is bulging. With me though, I look at that one empty chair and my heart breaks. There are times of the month that I can’t even eat at the table with the rest of the family because I can’t stand to see that empty chair. But adoption, to my husband, would be a burden. I can’t go any further with him than that other than asking and praying. Basically, he has covered his path on this one. If a woman handed us a baby and asked us to care for him, we wouldn’t hesitate to love him as our own, but to seek a child out is not something he is willing to do.

I appreciate the understanding about being called to reverse the tubal ligation, let me quote: “you must act on that which God convicts you. If He is convicting you to be open to life, the reversal is an avenue that you and the family need to look into.” I would so much agree and am happy that you saw that. When I try explaining it to my dh, he understands and is very loving, but not willing to go any further with it. Yesterday while praying the Rosary (which is what prompted me to ask all of you your opinions) I was so overwhelmed with conviction to reverse that I cried as if in mourning. The thought “to consecrate your womb to the Blessed Virgin” is excellent. I have often wondered what gave Her the grace to accept one child when the norm for that time in history is to have large families. Even though my head knows that answer (God gave her the grace), my heart still wonders…does that make sense or sound totally whacky?

All in all, I know that unless the money drops from the heavens I will need to deal with this and continue my prayers for peace and consecrate my womb to our Blessed Mother. I do appreciate all the responses. I know the prayers are out there and I thank you for all for your loving thoughts. :o


#12

Offer to God the pain in your heart at your empty chair for all those who are contracepting, that they come to repentance.

Then, thank God that you have repented, and recieved his mercy and forgiveness.


#13

I knew of a couple who, in repentence for sterilization, chose periodic abstinence. They charted and abstained during fertility as a personal penance. I have no idea if that would be appropriate in your situation since you look at that empty chair, but it might speak to your husband.

I just pray that doctors will know Truth and work harder to help women instead of sterilizing them as a quick fix. As I read the OP I felt frustrated that a medical problem that causes use of a wheelchair was just blown-off. If things are bad enough to use a wheelchair during pregnancy, then life while NOT pregnant is probably pretty tough too. I wish this doctor would have worked harder to improve your health instead of just covering it up with sterility.

A piece of history I found interesting: When first practiced hysterectomies were performed to cure “hysteria.” This term was coined to describe the hormonal changes that women had during childbearing years. Hysteria: from the root word hyst; hyst meaning “womb.”


#14

Hi Wannabesaved,
This is what I do for comfort. I hope something on the list will help you.

  1. Remind myself that I am open to new life. If God did choose to give us another gift of life, the baby would be very welcome.
  2. Do my best taking care of the children God has given us already.
  3. Realise God can make good come from bad.
    One day, when I was suffering deep longing, God laid the 23rd psalm in my heart, and I meditate on that when I find myself in turmoil.

God’s peace be with you,
Lukelion


#15

Discuss with your priest the idea of performing some act of mortification as penance for the tubal. Something like simulating NFP and volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center would allow you to make restitution to God for the sin, possibly open your heart to the receipt of forgiveness, enhance your marriage through building the virtue of temperence AND help people in crisis avoid making mistakes in the area of life themselves.

I’d do the above for a period of time FIRST before considering adding to the financial burden of your family through a reversal. Naturally, none of this will do a bit of good without healthy prayer…


#16

Check with your insurance company!
My husband had a reversal this past June. It had been on my heart for over three years to have it done. We held back because of very poor guidance(it’s painful, not required by the church, and very expensive ect… )
Then one day I decided to call our insurance company. To my huge suprise they covered 100% in net work and 80% out of net work. We decided to go out of net work because we wanted a doctor who was very experienced in this proceedure.
Please look on the One More Soul web site.There is also a yahoo group called Catholic Reversal Discussion Group.There are many people going through what you are.They are a wonderful resource.
A wonderful book my husband and I read that helped us make our decision is, Sterilization Reversal A Generous Act Of Love. It can be ordered through the One More Soul web site.
I am so glad we had the reversal but am still sad for taking our fertility out of God’s hands.
My prayers are with you and your husband!


#17

[quote=JMJ Theresa]It is always a good idea to consecrate your womb to the Blessed Virgin. Then even an empty womb can be spiritually fruitful.

[/quote]

That’s really beautiful! I’m planning to go through St. Louis de Montfort’s Total Consecration in a few months (to be completed on our wedding anniversary, May 31), but I think I’ll consecrate my womb early :slight_smile: Is there any particular prayer for this, or do you just do it out of your heart?


#18

Before you spend the money or ask your insurance to cover tubal ligation reversal, look into the success rate. I’m of the impression that it is quite low.

A non-Catholic friend had her tubes tied after the birth of her only child. The baby died when she was 18 mos old. My friend had the reversal surgery which resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. She had to have the tube removed and suffered the loss of another baby (miscarriage).

Pray that God will help you forgive yourself. He has forgiven you, it’s time for you to forgive yourself.


#19

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