I don’t know if this is the proper place to post this but it seems to fit best here.
I’m 17, I kinda knew I wanted to marry since I was little, was sure at 10 and knew exactly what I wanted since 15. So unless God pulls the E-break (which I really hope He doesn’t) I would like to marry around 21/23.
The standards/priorities I’m looking for in a girl, are relatively normal. For an idea who I am and who I’m looking for here are my top five priorities. (not necessarily ranked, but all are close.)
First priority is I want a girl that’s naturally nurturing and caring, to be a mother. Second is a pure/chaste/modest lifestyle. Third, inclined to family life, i.e wants a large family, taking care of children, homeschooling, etc. Fourth is a healthy lifestyle. And fifth is attractiveness, being honest here, it’s natural.
Oh and must like pets! Turtles, dogs, fish and some farm animals. Liking Star Wars helps too.
Being faithful to God doesn’t need to be on the list, it’s a given.
My problem is I want those qualities yet I don’t feel worthy enough for me to accept them.
There’s a girl at my church that fits the bill perfectly But I don’t think I’d be able to date her. ( know her, but don’t at the same time. Using her as an example. It’s easier to type out then anything else.)
I don’t think I’d be able to do so is because of my past. Used to be addicted to masturbation and porn, I was simply addicted to it, with no hope of stopping in sight. I’m living a chaste lifestyle now. I catch myself lusting over girls on media or TV now and then, a big improvement from my past. I’ve stopped, go to confession regularly, read up on it, pray about it, alot, and have completely changed my lifestyle.
With my past I don’t see how I could date her without “smudging” her purity. I feel I’m dirty for just what I have seen and done, and therefore I am not worthy.
I’d be more than moral with her, let her set the bar, protect her, honor her, ask her dad for permission to date, the works. Yet my problem still arises, I still couldn’t just date her, I feel I’m not worthy enough and there’s someone better.
I have literally no experience with girls, only been friends with two, both used me and stabbed me in the back. But I do plan on building successful friendships with females, how? I have no cule, I plan to though.
Luckily for me I don’t plan on dating till I’m fully straightened out, and God gives me the green light. But with how fast he’s been moving with me I might be married this time next year jk.
The past few weeks He’s been working with me real fast though.
So yea… I don’t know if my problem is my imagination, lack of experience/knowledge or a valid dilemma.
What do you guys think?
Any questions and advice is welcome.