I’m just feeling really down at the moment and need to vent some.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I’ve known him and been friends for almost 8 years. We have decided we would like to get married after we both graduate with our Bachleor’s degrees…which will be in another year to year and a half.
Sometimes, I would like to talk about these plans and perhaps go a little more in depth with them as a year is not really a long time to plan a marriage. So, I simply ask him what is keeping him from proposing, to get a rough idea of when the engagement might be so I know how much time we’ll have to get things together.
His main concern, I’m finding, is his mother. She pretty much refuses to see that he’s a grown man now, and becomes visibly upset/depressed I guess when it comes to her thinking about him moving on in his life(mainly that equals when she thinks about me I guess) His father passed away when he was 6, so it has been just him and his mom for a long time. He feels guilty for wanting to move on in his life I think, because he feels like its his job to take care of his mom. But what about taking care of his own dreams and goals? What about him wanting to take care of me as his future wife? Am I being selfish here in wanting to get an idea of plans? I’m going to be 22 this year, its not like we’re not of marriage age or like we’re planning to marry in a few months.
I feel more and more sure that I am called to be married life. My boyfriend says he feels the same, yet refuses to even talk to me about our future. It gets me thinking, maybe he doesn’t really want to get married or something. I don’t know:( It just has me very upset and scared.
I am the youngest of 6 girls, and I guess I look at my own mother and how she has no problem at all letting go and I know I’ll be more like her when I have children. I just don’t understand why its so awful when your children have grown and wish to get married. Why does it seem she’s going to act like its the end of the world? What can I do?
I guess the best action now would be to shut up about it and ignore it. But I refuse to do so forever. I will not wait my whole life(or anymore than 5 years I don’t think) waiting for his mother to be ready to let go. that will never happen. I love this woman a lot and look forward to having her as my MIL someday, but I’m terrified that she will start to completely hate me soon just because I love her son!
Though I guess an even bigger fear is that its something he’s not telling me. Maybe he just really doesn’t want to be married. I just don’t understand why he won’t just talk to me! Just tell me his reservations so I can help him maybe with it. I just want to cry, because I feel like everyone refuses to let life go forward. With my depression and awful past, I’m very ready to finally move on! I guess maybe I’m just too much of a future oriented person. I just like to have some kind of plan before everything gets there. I dunno. Any advice? Or should I just shut up for now, and possibly wait a 5 years to a decade to marry just to make mother happy? I love him and even though I say I wouldn’t wait, I probably would. I would, because he’s worth it.