I know that we should not seek consolations or visions or anything but loving God and doing His will. And that spiritual fruit counts more than spiritual experiences.
I try to follow this…I used to ask God for consolations but now I dont anymore. No matter how good something is, I don’t think we should want it if it’s not what He wants for us (at least, this is the attitude I’m trying to live by, though I fail at it still.) It’s better to suffer doing God’s will than to enjoy His presence and receiving supernatural favours while being self willed.
and this is something that I’ve never really talked about, but somehow it’s easier to say on a forum, lol…
Sometimes I just really long to be near Jesus and to actually see Him. I keep on thinking what it would be like… what He would be like. It’s interesting how the Person we love most, or try to love most, in the whole world, is the one we’ve never seen! That’s such an evidence of God’s grace and power. We knowt hat even though we’ve never seen Him, He is not a stranger… we receive Him into ourselves in Communion… the relationship between Christ and a person is perhaps the most intimate one there is in our lives. He knows everything about us.
Yet most of us will only see Him after this life. I think we will recognize Him… we would not need to ask, “who are you?”. We’ll know.
And I keep on thinking what that moment will be like. The Saints who have seen Jesus give us an idea… love, humility, peace, joy, reverence… but this description doesn’t quite capture it. I’ve been reading that other thread… on what’s it like to feel God’s presence. Even here on aerth, in our present form, it’s already overwhelming! And Heaven…!?
The first time I ever felt close to God, I just started crying. I had been a Christian for some time already when it happened. I never thought knowing God would be more than theoretical. But suddenly there He was! I think it’s impossible not to love Him back affter He shows His love to us (and think, that is only a tiny bit of His love!) He really captures our hearts.
And yet we’ve never seen Him!
What does He look like?
what’s it like to be in His embrace? to talk to Him?
to just kneel before Him?
sometimes I want this so much, yet I know I need to wait. The Saints were so blessed to have these visions. But we know that “blessed are they who have not seen yet believed”
Often when Jesus seems to stay at a distance from us (emphasis on the word ‘seems’), and lets us experience only dryness in prayer, that is when we grow most. And we learn to want to be with Him and to love Him.
How happy must be the souls in Heaven
…this life…it’s just here so that we can learn to love Him…and prepare our hearts and souls for what is to come…and learn to be truly loving people…to God and to neighbour. It’s learning to be a “good and faithful servant” I think… what do you think?
Sometimes i also wonder…is it alright to want to meet Jesus so much? is it a distraction, or the opposite? it seems to encourage me to love Him more.
…and now I have this thought…how close He is at Adoration…even more so, at Communion! it’s the only thing that’s ever really helped. When I receive the Eucharist, I just feel at peace. I don’t see Jesus, but He is physically inside me - and I don’t understand that, but somehow it is true. What a perfect time to give Him consolation.
How He loves us!
feel free to share any thoughts…