Was Able to Speak With the Parrish Priest After Mass

My MIL and I went to mass this morning and afterwards I was able to catch up with the priest and we had a short meeting. He was very nice, but for some reason I have always been nervous when speaking to a priest save for one. That was Father Alex at my old Catholic church in Conshohocken.

Anyway, he confirmed that I am unable to attend confession and communion. He also confirmed that I have to get my marriage convalidated. Until my wife agrees to it, I cannot go to confession or communion.

I did not ask about sexual relations with my wife because I know that if I withhold sex it will drive my wife further away from the church.

On the bright side, when I told my wife about what the priest said, she said to look at it as a chance for another ceremony where this time at least we will be inviting family.

I am sooo glad you talked to Father. If you do things in the right way you have the Grace of God with you. Seems like her attitude is softening. We will keep the prayers going. So glad you let us know. God Bless, Memaw

I’m in a very similar predicament but we’ll be convalidated very soon as we now have everything submitted and can be done by the priest at our parish. Our deacon here assured us that while it was expected for us not to attend confession or take communion yet, we are on the right track and God “honors” that we are putting forth our best effort. Glad to hear you are coming nearer to the one true Church. All the best :slight_smile:

Wonderful, Prayers for you two also. God Bless, Memaw

Indeed.

My belief is that the very act of moving forward in the intention to make peace with God IS ITSELF A GRACE OF REDEMPTION, in that while there is a process that might take some time, it can be noted that of ALL people of good will are “on the way”. Jesus speaks of those who went to work at 9, at 12, at 3, and at 6, and all receive the same wage. This speaks exactly to this issue.

People’s personal life circumstances vary across a very large spectrum, from the best possible situation ----- total immersion in a family of faith and love (St. Therese of the Child Jesus, for example), to the worst possible ---- being born into a culture and country of evil, poverty, and exploitation (where Al Qaeda and Jihad predominate, for example), and everything in between. Children are recruited under the guise of being martyrs even before they reach the age of reason: how can they know our God and all that we know here?

Our family of origin and roots have enormous influence on our beliefs, our faith, our bias toward or against religion or beliefs, etc. and of our eventual life decisions. Only as we grow do we “come to see” in various degrees of clarity who we are and who God is. The majority of human beings since human life began on earth have NOT had any opportunity to know God as He has been revealed to us by Jesus Christ and accurately reported about since He left us 2000 years ago.

So being “in process” IS EXACTLY HOW THINGS WORK. To the OP, God bless, and as we say familiarly and joyfully: WELCOME, and KEEP THE FAITH !

=lonegreywolf20;11359497]My MIL and I went to mass this morning and afterwards I was able to catch up with the priest and we had a short meeting. He was very nice, but for some reason I have always been nervous when speaking to a priest save for one. That was Father Alex at my old Catholic church in Conshohocken.

Anyway, he confirmed that I am unable to attend confession and communion. He also confirmed that I have to get my marriage convalidated. Until my wife agrees to it, I cannot go to confession or communion.

I did not ask about sexual relations with my wife because I know that if I withhold sex it will drive my wife further away from the church.

On the bright side, when I told my wife about what the priest said, she said to look at it as a chance for another ceremony where this time at least we will be inviting family.

One STEP at a time with Christ; alway’s WITH Christ.

Your in my thoughts and prayers,
Patrick

Are you both Catholic? If yes, then it is odd that you could not go to confession and then communion. You are not considered married in the eyes of the Church so you would not be allowed to have sexual relations until the marriage is regularized, but for a Priest to suggest you can not go to confession is very hard for me to believe.

If either of you die before having your marriage regularized you both run a serious risk of Hell. God told us what is required of us to attain heaven. If that is important to both of you, then I would seriously look at what both of you need to do, immediately, to get to confession. Our immortal souls are what we want to get to heaven!

Thank you for your reply, but I am going to follow the priest’s advice.

My wife does not consider herself Catholic since she was baptized as a catholic as an infant and had no choice in the matter. It was forced upon her, so she doesn’t believe that she is Catholic for those reasons as it should be a choice.

I have hope that we will be able to get our marriage con-validated, but it is on her time, which is ultimately God’s time, but I will not force her to do it.

I would not force HER to do anything. If you understand the consequences then I urge you to immediately go to confession and abstain from further sexual relations with her until the marriage is regularized.

If she was baptized then she is Catholic. It doesn’t matter if she chooses it or not. The indelible mark of baptism can not be removed. It would be similar to trying to be unborn. It is a permanent mark on the soul.

It is out of concern for your immortal soul that I suggest this. What happens if you get in a car accident on the way home, have a heart attack. etc? Are you ok with potentially meeting God for judgement and not being in the state of grace? What would motivate you to avoid God’s life giving sacraments?

First, I will not abstain from sexual relations with my wife. If I do that, I will without a doubt drive my wife further away from the Catholic church and will cause issues in my marriage.

Second, I am going with what my priest said as far as confession and communion goes. He let me know that I cannot partake in confession and communion.

Third, if I am not in a state of grace, then so be it. I am doing the best with what I have and listening to the direct orders of the priest as far as the sacraments go and trying to keep peace within my own home. If not having sex with my wife is going to cause arguments, which it surely will, that is not keeping the peace and it’s surely not very good for our one year old daughter, I am not going to let that happen.

I think you for your concern, but you need not be concerned for me.

edit: as far as her being Catholic because she is baptized, for a catholic it is easy to see that. To a non-Catholic or non-practicing Catholic (remember I was one up until two weeks ago) it’s a foolish notion that something is forced upon you that you didn’t know about till you were older, so it cannot be valid.

Keep talking with Father and praying and remember, God is helping you with this,. After all, HE brought you this far. He won’t abandon you. Continue to keep in your heart the desire to work this out peacefully according to God’s good time. Never underestimate the power of prayer!!, God Bless, Memaw

I understand what you are saying, but if you are seeking return to the Catholic Church, please know that the Church teaches that an indelible mark is left on one’s soul as a result of baptism. Obviously this includes infants. While one has free will and may elect to reject the faith years later when one becomes an adult, the soul still carries on it the holy and indelible mark of baptism. Thus, the person is still considered a Catholic.

I realize that this sounds difficult to the non-Catholic ear, but it is our faith. This is part of the teaching of the Church to which you are returning. Please think about it.

If an infant is Baptized in the Catholic faith but never raised in it, they are not under the same jurisdiction as one who knowingly leaves the Faith of their own free will as an adult. Once one is Baptized in any Christian faith they are always Baptized. But that’s not the question here. I would continue to suggest he stays with his priest and get his advice from Father. God Bless, Memaw

That I will Memaw.

Yes, she wasn’t raised as a Catholic. She went as far as first communion and that was it. Her parents divorced and her mom stopped attending mass. She found Christ again in a Baptist church in her mid-twenties where she was once again baptized. Then when she moved from that area she was invited to a non-denominational heavy Pentecostal leaning church and that is where she feels at home.

She went back to there Friday night, and then again on Sunday morning. I know the pastor’s thoughts on the Catholic church as he was raised Catholic and even started attending Catholic seminary. He has no love for the Catholic church. So if she has mentioned my plans, I am sure they are doing there best to steer her clear of following me. Which would be him meddling in my marriage once again.

That pastor has threatened the wrath of God on me because a couple years ago I was talking to him about going to a different church because I believe that his church isn’t right for us. My wife doesn’t believe that he threatened me and that i misunderstood him, but I understood him completely. There are other red flags that were raised in attending his church, but she doesn’t see them.

So I have my work cut out for me if she continues to attend that church.

They are under the same “jurisdiction” if they were Baptized as a Catholic. They would not be culpable (commit a sin) of breaking the precepts if they did so unknowingly but they are still covered by the precepts nonetheless.

Praying for your family, and especially that your wife’s eyes will soon be opened to the truth of the faith. It’s particularly hard to keep peace I the home in this situation, so God’s grace on you as you do it.

Blessings,
T

Apparently, I had spoken with a visiting priest when I posted this. Today I got to speak with the head priest of this church.

He said that confession is fine, but no communion until the marriage is blessed by the church. I also asked about abstaining from intimacy with my wife. He told me that he would never tell me to abstain. That the Catholic church recognizes law and being civilly married is the law. That he sees us as married, as does God. It’s the church that doesn’t see it as such and that’s not a reason enough to abstain.

Plus, he said it will cause issues in the marriage and may drive her further away. To continue on as we have been.

=lonegreywolf20;11387764]Apparently, I had spoken with a visiting priest when I posted this. Today I got to speak with the head priest of this church.

He said that confession is fine, but no communion until the marriage is blessed by the church. I also asked about abstaining from intimacy with my wife. He told me that he would never tell me to abstain. That the Catholic church recognizes law and being civilly married is the law. That he sees us as married, as does God. It’s the church that doesn’t see it as such and that’s not a reason enough to abstain.

Plus, he said it will cause issues in the marriage and may drive her further away. To continue on as we have been.

This is what I expected in my first post:)

PRAY MUCH my friend!

God Bless,
Patrick

Oh my, then I guess anything the Church teaches isn’t reason enough to abstain from sin! I do not agree and I doubt most priests, Bishops or event the Pope would either. God Bless, memaw

I can see why he said it. We are to be peace makers. If I abstain from sexual relations with my wife, it will not bring peace, but strife. She already wants nothing to do with the Catholic church, why would I do something that will drive her even further away?

I guess since you are not involved in my life or marriage, you wouldn’t necessarily understand the dynamics of my marriage. What abstaining from sexual relations will do to my relationship with my wife.

edit: When asked by the priest and several others when I spoke with them at the one RCIA class I attended where I got the information to abstain, they kinda laughed and said not to believe everything you read on the internet.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.