Caught between being too hard on myself and too lenient on myself, I stood at the train station, wondering: Is it ok to just take the train home?
Do you know thehungersite.com and other websites like that, where you can by just a mouseclick donate free food, and the sponsers pay for it because you view their banners?
Well, I usually do it at home and lso when I am at a library, because they count one click per computer.
Today I got off work and went to a library, and I wanted to go to mass later in the evening and had some time in between. I have a bad cold so I told myself, better not stress around too much, maybe wait where it’s warm… and not go to the other library.
I told myself well if I don’t go to the other library I’ll do another click at a little store at the station, it only costs a few coins to use the computer there.
Turns out I spent much more time outside in the cold than I wanted to, talking to a homeless girl I have been trying to help.
Didn’t make it to mass either.
Got back to the station and wanted to go to the store and do the free food etc clicks.
And the store was closed for remodeling.
Now the library would have been open until 8pm I think. It was 7. I wavered. Had I PROMISED to do another click? And if yes, to myself? Or maybe to God? I talk to God about such things, so probably I did say it to Him.
I went to the bus stop. I would have had to wait. I have a cough. It was getting late. I wanted to get home.
I wanted to talk to God about it.
I kind of thought, God can’t be that hard on me? When I am sick already? Sure He would let me just go home? Maybe I can do an extra click another time, or donate the coins I would have spent. I didn’t expect the store to be closed, so that changed the situation.
I tried one more place for possible internet access and then I took the train home.
Do you think that was ok?