Was my Confession Valid?

So I was confessing my sins and Father asked me a question pertaining to the sin. I don’t know if I lied or not. I’m totally confused now. :confused:

To end all possible confusion here’s a little background. My parents were away for the weekend, and I went out and bought a pack of cigars (I am of legal age to smoke at 18.) I smoked two outside on our deck (not in one day of course), and I threw one into one of our kitchen garbage cans. My parents do not know I smoked the cigar.

My sin was telling a lie to my mother about the kitchen garbage can smelling. I told the lie out of fear because I was afraid she would get angry at me if I told her about the cigar.

First father asked if I smoked the cigar and I said I did. Father then asked me whether I put the cigar out and I told him I did. I also told him that I put it in a kitchen garbage can (which is metal). I told him that I shouldn’t have put the cigar in a kitchen garbage. He then asked me something along the lines of “was there a place to put the cigar”, and I replied that I should have put it into a metal garbage can (I accidentally lied here as the garbage can was metal in the kitchen) and I told him that I could have put it in the garage garbage.

I feel like I may have accidentally led him to believe that my mother knows that I enjoy occasionally smoking cigars and that there is a special place to put them and that I have her permission to enjoy cigars. However, I forgot to mention that I lied because I didn’t want my mother to know I smoked the cigar because I was afraid she might get mad. I also feel I lied accidentally about the garbage can not being metal (when it really was). I even feel like I lied to father about something else, but I can’t possibly remember what it was.

Was my confession valid? I suppose I would be on the safe side to avoid the Eucharist and mention my concerns about the validity of my confession with father next week.

You didn’t intend to lie. From what I read, you were nervous, leading you to make an ACCIDENTAL error. Therefore, you are fine.

Good grief.
You really need to work with a spiritual director.
Every day you have another scrupulous question.
Please tell your priest you need help.

Here is a bit of advice. You can take it, and 2 dollars, and go get you a cup of coffee at Denny’s…

If you live in their house, you must abide by their rules. If their house rules include no cigars in the house, well then that means no cigars in the house.
If you are old enough to smoke cigars, you are old enough to be selective of what you tell your parents. Do not lie to them to be certain, but, you need not explain much to them concerning your personal life. Nothing says you cannot go elsewhere to smoke your cigars and they never need to know. If they ask or are suspicious you can either tell them that you do or you can tell them it is none of their business. Because it is not. You may choose to tell them and that is perfectly fine. You certainly don’t want to hide this, or anything else, from them forever.
By all means, as an adult start setting boundaries for people. Your parents may not like it but if you are an adult the sooner you set boundaries (even for your parents) the better off you will be. You are an adult. It is your life to live as you wish. The quicker they understand that the better off everyone will be.

Relax and enjoy your adulthood. Smoking a cigar is not a sin. You could even enjoy a glass of brandy with it. Still no sin committed.


Dear friend,

Hello, if a priest said you are scrupulous, then using the ten commandments for the scrupulous can help you.
Here’s a link on a Catholic Site:fisheaters.com/scruples.html

Will pray for you
Happy Feast of the Ascension,

Andrew K

p.s. on a health aspect; although smoking a cigar isn’t a sin, it’s not very good for your lungs, but that’s well known. All the best!

OP, you obviously suffer from scrupulosity. This is an anxiety related problem which has nothing to do with sin. Please talk about this with an experienced confessor.

It costs $2 to buy a cup of coffee at Denny’s now? :eek:


OP, I strongly encourage you to heed this advice. Your understanding of sin is unhealthy. A priest can help you correct this.

Example: “I lied accidentally” Lying, the communication of false information with intention to deceive, is a deliberate act. You cannot lie by accident.

Please please please see a priest for help with your scrupulosity.

God bless. I’m praying for you!

If this scares you by all means avoid Starbucks completely!

Thanks for the replies! :slight_smile:

I will try to make an appointment with father when I have time to talk about scruples and what constitutes as a sin. That should clear things up. :slight_smile:

Now back to the topic, I don’t know if I lied to father or not. I guess that means I didn’t lie to him. Oddly enough, when I was talking to him I felt like I was lying. :shrug:

I guess it’s safe to receive Holy Communion after all. :smiley:

You may be 18, but you seem fearful of your mother. I don’t know what to say other than tobacco is harmful to your health. Listen to what most of what the other responders say. Peace

I will try to make an appointment with father when I have time to talk about scruples and what constitutes as a sin. That should clear things up. :slight_smile:

It’s not a fast and easy process. It’s a a lot of work on your part. Please pay close attention to what he says. **

I should be able to do it when the semester is over. Perhaps I shall record it on camera/audio or notebook so I can remember what he says.

It sure would be neat being able to tell what’s a sin and what’s not. :slight_smile:


My friend, I hope you will follow through as you have said you will, it’s troubling to see you concerned with so many fears and doubts so often!

Sincerely listen and follow the advice of your priest, or spiritual advisor, pray, have faith and give yourself a break from constantly questioning everything you do.
It’s not healthy.

Yours in Christ. (I’ll be praying for you in this regard.)


I think you are making light of a serious problem that plagues many people.
This is not a “I’m going to ask him a question and I’ll be fine” thing.
I fear your RCIA classes were not the greatest. No one noticed you have this issue? Who was your sponsor. I don’t need to know, but did they spend time with you? Explaining things? Who taught the class on “sin”? You need a mentor, badly. A prayer partner,someone who is knowledgeable in the faith who can assist you.
You are a new Catholic with not a lot of education yet. You will be asked to do quite a bit of praying, trusting, and studying. I know you are up to the task. But believe me, this is not something that you get wiped away easily. It can be debilitating and confusing, which is why everyone is so concerned about you. Many young people suffer from this.
You’re not alone in this.
Don’t be so flip to pass it off as no big deal.

Saint Alphonsus Liguori suffered much from scruples. He might be a patron for you :slight_smile:
Yes, scruples is a strong cross. A tough battle in the spiritual life…It’s something that will help you become holier as well. Scrupulous people are holy, but can be prideful in a certain sense. Pray for me that I may take my faith as seriously as you guys.

I refrained from taking the Eucharist today to be on the safe side. I’m just totally confused about whether I lied to father or not. :nope:

This is good advice.
Read this:


Is it just me or does anyone else wonder if this guy is really confused of if he is trolling for a reaction? Forgive my speculation if I’m wrong, I apologize beforehand. But my spidey senses tell me something is just not quite right here. But, I’ve been wrong before and very well could be here too.

Melodeonist, if you really are confused please seek professional help. You will be thankful for doing so. If you are really confused, relax about 10 notches. Kick your feet up and enjoy a quality stogie, preferably something very nice, something from, say, the Dominican Republic perhaps?? And seriously consider my previous suggestion of adding a fine brandy to it. Not much, it’s not about getting intoxicated. It’s more about throwing yourself into neutral and dropping your RPMs to about 500. In short, put yourself into idle gear. Trust me, you’ll thank me. :smiley:

I doubt that most priest would like to be recorded or have a video done during their time as a spiritual advisor with someone. Notes…maybe, but what is wrong with the brain that you use for college? Peace.

Pease do not encourage him to defy his parents at this time until he his on firmer ground spiritually.

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