Was praying the right thing to do?


#1

My father had a heart attack a couple years ago and I have a problem with that and it lately has been bothering me.

He was hospitalized for an entire summer, but his parents (my grandparents), received word on the day that it happened and didn’t come down until the end of the summer.

They insisted that they didn’t need to fly all the way out here immediately because god would save him if they just prayed.

What is frustrating is that he died (and came back to life after many medical procedures and medicines), and they just assumed god would take care of it. Yes, he was super lucky, since only 2% of patients who had that specific issue lived. But their son was dying. And considering 98% of those patients die, wouldn’t it have been morally right to fly out and see their son for one last time? I’m sure that those 2% of survivors were not the only patients who had prayers going for them.

Help me out, I know everything is all fine now, but my dad just had another surgery and I can’t stop thinking about this. Did my grandparents do the right thing?


#2

Prayer is never wrong, but that doesn’t actually seem to be what you are asking. What you seem to be asking is: is it wrong that your father’s parents did not come to see him in the hospital, when there was a very real chance he could have died?

That’s not an easy question to answer. Not all people react the same way in a crisis. I would probably go if I could, and I’m guessing you would too. But there are a few things to consider that might have been the case for your grandparents:

  1. They didn’t realize the severity of your father’s health situation.

  2. They didn’t want to acknowledge the severity of your father’s health situation (this is surprisingly common, actually.)

  3. Booking a flight represented financial hardship for them (especially on short notice, tickets are expensive.)

  4. They had health problems of their own that precluded long travel (not uncommon for elderly people.)

  5. They felt unwanted or unwelcome (also surprisingly common).

There are probably others, but these are what come to mind off the top of my head.

Also, this is a long time to hold onto something - when you weren’t even the one who was sick. It would be best to let go of this. If prayers were all they could offer, then be thankful they were offered, and be thankful for your father’s pulling through despite how bad everything was looking.

One last thing: there may be aspects of the relationship between your father and his parents that you aren’t privy to, and that may have affected their behavior, as well.


#3

Maybe God did take care of it. :wink:


#4

Well stated.


#5

Honestly, that would have rubbed me the wrong way, too. So no, if I were in your shoes, I would assuredly feel that they didn’t step up and do the right thing. But it really is impossible to know their reasoning.:shrug: One of the very few things you’ll never regret in life is forgiving someone. (Another is telling a loved one that you love them.) So I would say it’s better to cut them some slack, because you don’t know what they were going through. It reminds me of a close friend. His father died and he didn’t attend the funeral, but instead just took to bed with overwhelming grief and sadness. I’m sure people probably talked about it and misunderstood his actions, but he just felt so bad that he was incapacitated and unable to function in a normal way. In his case, his apparent lack of caring was in fact him drowning in sorrow in a very private way.


#6

I am sorry about the loss of your father but building this resentment towards your grandparents is unwarranted. for whatever reason, they didn’t come it is not your worry or concern. They don’t have to answer to your ideas about things. There are probably many reasons that you are not privy too. I think you need to drop this, let it go and move on. Your father is gone and whatever someone did or didn’t do is also in the past. Let go of it.


#7

agree 100%


#8

It would be best for you not to think ill of anybody and whenever you are tempted to think ill of your grandparents for not coming to see your father–think about something else or pray for them–do not give into the temptation to think ill of them. God bless you.


#9

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