I have a continual problem with a certain set of related sins. I want to be free of them but I slip-up once and awhile.
On Friday I committed the two sins, and realized thereafter that I shouldn’t have done what I did. I committed the same sins again awhile later (this often seems to happen lately), and I resolved to seek Confession and try again. I even disposed of certain things that lead me to commit these sins the next day.
Now at no time during this ordeal did I actually feel remorse. I thought it best to receive Confession to wash the sins away, but I never felt anything.
So I went to Confession the next day, did as thorough an examination of consciousness as I could and went to Confession. Again, I felt nothing. And I told the priest that I felt nothing and wasn’t sure if I was truly sorry for what I did.
Nonetheless, near the end of the Confession, I felt relief and some bit of assurance that I was indeed being forgiven. But looking back on everything I still wasn’t sure if I was truly sorry or not.
What usually happens is I have a desire (although it seems I am sorta indifferent to it right at this moment…perhaps just a feeling) to stop sinning in this manner, but when the desire comes-around to commit these certain sins my desire to remain free of these sins weakens and eventually disappears altogether and I sin. I don’t know what to do here.
Is this sinful for me to think about these things now? Am I sinning by even asking this? Was I even sorry in the first place?