Hello! I’m sorry if this is unpleasantly long post, but I really would want to know answer for this one.
I don’t know very much about high school in America and I’m not sure which terms I should use… But in my country we have big exams in the last year of high school. In one part of the “mother tongue” exam we are given 12 different essay topics and must choose one. Then we have six hours to make a good and inspiring essay about it.
When I was in this exam there was an essay topic about changes in the church membership. I chose it because I thought that I would benefit from my broader knowledge of church culture in my country. In order to make a good essay, there has to be some pondering about the future and what one ought to do. In this part I wrote what the Church (not especially the Catholic church but Christian churches in general) should do in order to keep their membership steady.
I’m orthodox when it comes to Christianity. I don’t think churches should start to practice or speak in favor of modern things like divorce, gay marriage, abortion and euthanasia. I feel that they go against Christianity and God’s will. But in the exam I was desperate and wanted to get a good grade. I know that people who rate " the mother tongue" essays in my country are mostly irreligious liberal humanist women in their 50s. I was afraid that they would not like my essay if I had too conservative opinions, no matter how well I would use arguments and rhetorical means. I don’t know if my fear was realistic but I chose to write what they wanted to hear.
I wrote how churches should come in terms with the modern world and follow secular morality rather than Christian tradition and scriptures. I didn’t say straight that “the church should do this and this” but I used positively oriented words when I spoke about secular side and negative oriented words when I spoke about Christian side. Here the question whether or not the mainline protestant church should start to bless marriages between same sex partners is hot topic and I spoke quite a lot about it. I made it look clear that I was against the teachings of Christianity.
I got the best grade from that exam that could be possibly achieved. These exams are really big and important because they affect one’s changes to get to university and college. Now I feel bad. I went against my morals, Christianity and what I think is God’s will in order to get a good grade. I don’t know if it is a sin but I feel very bad. I’m not yet Catholic but when I have my first confession, should I mention this? Is it a sin? If so, then does this sin have a specific name? And should I explain the whole situation or just mention the name of the sin and context?
Thank you very much for answers.