Hello everyone. Since I’ve received good advice and perspective posting here before, I hope it is appropriate to post about a very personal issue here, as it has been on mind recently. It is a memory that I have tried to shut out of my mind for a while. However, I am wondering if this experience is affecting me now, especially with regard to boundaries with the opposite sex.
My father has had a borderline drinking problem (at least) for as long as I can remember. He will always drink at least 3 beers every night, sometimes a bottle of wine, sometimes some liquor. When he was drunk he was often a mean drunk, saying nasty things, sometimes becoming violent, etc. I have come to terms with the fact that he was emotionally and physically abusive at times.
However, there is another behavior he engaged in while drunk, that I am wondering if it would count as sexual abuse. Sometimes he would pin me down on the bed, kiss me on the mouth, and drunkenly murmur that he loved me. Sadly, this is the only time I remember him telling me he loved me! I do not remember any actual molestation, and I have spoken to others who think that since he did not touch me “down there” it was not sexual abuse.
But on the other hand, I recall engaging in the exact same behavior with many boys growing up, and I think it did affect my sense of sexuality badly. I don’t even remember who my first kiss was with. I grew out of that behavior in high school, thankfully, and I am happy to say that I am still a virgin where intercourse is concerned. But I wonder if this experience has affected my boundaries.
BTW, regarding the married man who seemed to be hitting on me before; we did have a few more conversations where he said some strange things, and did things such as slipping his wedding ring off, and I have decided the best course is to flee temptation. So I have rearranged my work schedule so that I will not be seeing him at all for at least a month. Hopefully that will cool everything off.