We lost our baby


#1

I was 19 weeks pregnant, and we lost him. Marshall, our first son, the fourth of our children, was born on March 30 after a hard day’s labor.

We heal every day a little bit more, but I still have my moments. We have been advised to wait a cycle, and then we can ttc. That’s coming up soon!

What hurts the most is I have lost my sisters in all this. They didn’t come to his prayer service. Apparently, we aren’t respecting the “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” p.o.v. If I have to choose between the two…well, it’s goodbye to them.

My mom passed away two years ago, and this would make her just SO sad. But I am hurt, and I will not stand for my son to be dismissed that way.

He is home in an urn…he was 3.35 ounces and 6.5 inches. He looked exactly like DH. He will always be my angel.


#2

Heathernoel:

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am about to offer a rosary, so I will include you, your husband, your son and your sisters in my intentions.

I know that no words of mine can console you, but please keep praying and stay close to our Crucified Savior. God bless you both.


#3

I am so sorry for your lost. My heart truly breaks for you and your family.

I know how you feel I have lost three children through miscarriage and it always breaks my heart when I hear someone call my children blobs and not human.

I will pray for your sister and all those who feel as she does.


#4

Oh… I am so sorry. My miscarriages were much earlier… I cannot imagine how hard this is for you.

Prayers for you and for your misguided family members, and for the father and siblings of your precious little guy, too.

Maybe Grandma is holding him in Heaven? Can’t know for sure… but it’s nice to think maybe…


#5

My heart just breaks for you and your family. We lost our little one four years ago last month and though he was much younger than your son, I know how strong a parent’s love is and how very much I would have given to have seen him alive.

Time does help to heal the wounds of loss, though they may re-open from time-to-time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that my baby is rejoicing with Marshall right now in heaven.


#6

My prayers are with you most certainly. I lost three children last year to early miscarriage. I beleive it probably gets even harder when you are further along like you are, maybe because you don’t expect it? I am so sorry for your loss.

Please accept my most sincere condolonces. I am praying also, for your family who are lost souls for sure, that they may grow in God’s love to appreciate the beauty of life.

Not sure if you are interested, but you can bury your child at a Catholic cemetary I am sure (if it is somthing you thought was not possible). Maybe it depends on where you are from. We were given some guidance from a priest and a very kind man at a funeral home on what to do with the remains. I am sorry if I am trying to give you advice you don’t want…really I am. I just thought if you were interested in Catholic burial and thought it wasn’t an option that it most certainly is where I live.

No matter, I am very sorry for your profound loss. I will keep you in my mother’s day prayers at Mass this Sunday. May God bless and keep you.


#7

I am so sorry for your loss. I have never had children, so I can’t imagine what you must be suffering. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
God bless you,
Pat


#8

Heather -

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss! That must have been just devastating. I’m currently in the midst of an early miscarriage right now, and it’s horrible enough. I cannot even imagine the pain and sadness that you must have gone through.

Prayers for your lost little one, and for you and the rest of your family, especially your sisters that they may come around and understand the true nature of your loss.

Sue


#9

I’m so sorry for your loss:( --I’ll keep you and your hubby in my prayers…and I’m also sorry for your sisters’ reactions, but sometimes, people don’t always know what to say in times like this. I have a feeling they will come around, and hopefully, be there for you. God bless you, and your family.


#10

Heather, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

You will be in my prayers. :gopray:


#11

Hi Heathernoel,

I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet little Marshall. I went through the very painful miscarriage of my first baby, Isaac at 11 weeks in 2002, he would be six in August. I think of him and miss him all the time. I understand your pain, especially in feeling that some of the ones closest to you don’t understand that Marshall was REALLY a perfectly formed, unrepeatable person with an eternal soul…he was just small and growing!

I’d like to offer up something to you for your consideration in dealing with your sisters…I’ve found that most times people with the mindset of “he wasn’t born alive, therefore was never a person” are that way for one of two reasons: 1) they are truly ignorant of basic biology, as well as the Church’s teaching on the personhood of every conceived baby or 2) they are hurting over a previous miscarriage/abortion which they have not properly been able to face or grieve over. Therefore they can’t recognize another mother’s loss of a pre-born baby because they’d have to face that they too lost a precious baby (possibly at their own hands). In any case for your sisters, it might be good to give them the benefit of the doubt about why they did not attend Marshall’s prayer service and aren’t supporting you in this time of grief and healing. I found that in the aftermath of losing my Isaac, I was called on by the Lord to be a great instrument of Mercy to friends, family and acquaintences who had lost babies or who didn’t realize Isaac was REALLY a baby! It was a totally unexpected, but sweet reminder that even babies who never set foot on Earth, still have an impact and make a difference. I’m sure Marshall’s life can be that for you and your whole family too if you let it.

God Bless you sweetie. You’re in my prayers.
Elizabeth


#12

I’m about to offer Vespers, and I’ll remember you and your son and husband. May the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, comfort you.

-ACEGC


#13

I’m so sorry for your loss - of course he was your baby, you held him close to your heart for so long. :frowning:

Please make sure you look into having him properly interred as soon as possible, the dear sweet one deserves to have a proper burial, and perhaps that may help you a bit as well. I hate the word “closure” as I do not believe there is ever such a thing, especially in the death of a child, but I do believe in healing, and our beloved Jesus is the great physician. He has given us the Church to help us through such things.

Will keep you all in my prayers - surely Marshall is praying for you as well.

~Liza


#14

Heathernoel, I am so sorry that your baby was taken so soon. I will pray for the consolation of his family and the conversion of those who refused to acknowledge his personhood.

It is very important to give him a proper burial as soon as possible. I have heard of baby’s ashes being stolen during house robberies–the robbers thought the baby’s ashes were drugs. :frowning: How heartbreaking. Talk to your priest and find out what the options are in your area.


#15

Hi Heathernoel,
I am sorry your sisters don’t share the same p.o.v as you. Sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort and peace and healing. You and your family are in my prayers. So many people on CAF have lost little ones and I am always thinking of you all.

God Bless


#16

Prayers for you.


#17

I’m so sorry to hear this. Prayers for you and your family.


#18

I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry too that your sister don’t share your pov.
Gearoidin


#19

I’m so sorry to read about you losing your little boy Marshall.
I will keep all of you in my prayers. As others have already told you, please talk to your Priest about his burial. God bless you.


#20

I’m so very sorry for your loss. We lost our little one 5 monts ago, he was our first baby but my miscarriage was only at 9wks. I cannot imagine what you must be going thru and feeling. My prayers are with you.

If you ever need to talk and share your story, please join us on this thread: Mommies of Little Saints

Again, I’m so very sorry for your loss. And I’m really sorry your sisters acted that way and don’t think of your baby as a person. :hug1: Please know that he was as real as anyone else walking on this earth. I know Marshall has many friends up in Heaven… I’m pretty sure he’s up there with my Julian praying for his mommy and daddy.


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