Wearing full length furs to Mass


#1

Ok - ground rules - I DO NOT want to discuss the morals of wearing fur, that is not the point of this discussion. :tsktsk:

My question for all you fine people - do you think it is appropriate for a woman to wear an obviously very expensive fur to Mass?

I'm a bit torn on this point myself. There is a woman at our parish who is newly married, in her early 40's, and has a really very beautiful full length fox that surely cost thousands of dollars. She wears this with a fur headband that matches the coat.

Then there are a number of older women who wear long mink coats of an older style.

The first woman looks horribly ostentatious and overly showy for Mass, in what is an inner city parish in one of the poorest areas of the city. Granted, the parishioners commute from the suburbs,, but I still think it is embarrassing for her to wear such a display to Mass. But the other ladies just look like little old ladies in old fur coats. I'm not sure why one bothers me but the other doesn't. I'm certainly not jealous (I had considered this) because I have no desire to own such a coat, even if I could. I'm just not sure where I stand on this, and wondering what others feel about.

Or is it just no big deal and wearing our best for Christ should not make a difference? My husband asked what if a man wore an Armani suit worth thousands of dollars, would I still feel the same - I said no.
:shrug:

So - help me unconfuse myself! :blush:

~Liza


#2

To be honest, if it is embarrassing, that’s her problem and not yours.

I would just leave her alone and let her enjoy her nice coat - I certainly wouldn’t bring it up as an issue of any kind.

Once you get to know her better, the whole issue will probably fade into the background. :slight_smile:


#3

You know it could be too that the fur coat is something that was her grandmothers or great-grandmothers and therefore did not cost her a dime but is simply her Sunday best. This is where we get into the issue of judging someone we do not know rather than discerning and gently correcting someone we do know on overtly immoral actions. BTW if you wouldn’t have the problem with the Armani suit it probably is the fur that is bothering you.


#4

[quote="jmcrae, post:2, topic:236440"]
To be honest, if it is embarrassing, that's her problem and not yours.

[/quote]

I do suppose this is what it comes down to actually.

[quote="jmcrae, post:2, topic:236440"]

I would just leave her alone and let her enjoy her nice coat - I certainly wouldn't bring it up as an issue of any kind.

[/quote]

Oh my - I would NEVER say anything to her!! :eek:

Once you get to know her better, the whole issue will probably fade into the background. :)

I do know her.

~Liza


#5

Oh, okay - I thought you were asking advice of what to say to her. :slight_smile:

I do know her.

Oh - I thought you said that she had just recently married into the parish. :shrug:

If you know her, then why not just ask her where she got the lovely coat from? Perhaps it was a wedding gift from her husband.


#6

I agree that it is a possibility that this coat was handed down or given to her by a loved relative. If so, she should wear it.

For myself, I would not be comfortable with a showy display of wealth. Especially at Mass, but also anywhere else. (Luckily I feel this way, being not wealthy! :slight_smile: )

And I also understand the normal human curiosity to look at and question the way other people dress. :popcorn:


#7

Why does it matter if it was a gift or an heirloom, or just something she bought?

It's really no one's business where she got it.

I think it's admirable to wear one's best clothes to Mass, as long as they are not immodest.

I'd have more issues with someone wearing a beat up old nasty coat. (well, I guess it depends on who was wearing it, on second thought).

Perhaps it just annoys you when someone makes such an obvious display of wealth. Would the coat bug you in a different context? Do you think it would bother you if a woman wore her 4 carat diamond engagement ring to Mass? (Although I suppose the fur is harder to miss). Is it this particular woman? You say you know her -- is she nice?


#8

My best advice is to be charitable. When you see her, assume her clothing choices reflect her best fashion effort at honoring and respecting the life and death of Jesus Christ and the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

If you find her visually distracting, move to a part of the church where she isn’t in your direct line of vision. Out of site, as it were, out of mind.


#9

[quote="StJudePray4Me, post:7, topic:236440"]
Why does it matter if it was a gift or an heirloom, or just something she bought?

It's really no one's business where she got it.

I think it's admirable to wear one's best clothes to Mass, as long as they are not immodest.

I'd have more issues with someone wearing a beat up old nasty coat. (well, I guess it depends on who was wearing it, on second thought).

Perhaps it just annoys you when someone makes such an obvious display of wealth. Would the coat bug you in a different context? Do you think it would bother you if a woman wore her 4 carat diamond engagement ring to Mass? (Although I suppose the fur is harder to miss). Is it this particular woman? You say you know her -- is she nice?

[/quote]

look most furs worn today were bought in the 50s,60's,and 70's, Many still molding away in closets.Why not wear them and enjoy them and get the good worth out of them, it is silly to allow fashion and other unpopular reasons and intimidations prevent you from wearing a perfectly legitimate means of keeping yourself warm in the wintertime. That's my opinion!
Peace, Carlan


#10

[quote="Carlan, post:9, topic:236440"]
look most furs worn today were bought in the 50s,60's,and 70's, Many still molding away in closets.Why not wear them and enjoy them and get the good worth out of them, it is silly to allow fashion and other unpopular reasons and intimidations prevent you from wearing a perfectly legitimate means of keeping yourself warm in the wintertime. That's my opinion!
Peace, Carlan

[/quote]

OK, but the impression I got was that it was "more acceptable" that the woman wears a fur if it was a gift or an heirloom. Which I don't understand.


#11

Thank you for sharing your story, you are like many people that are bothered by the actions and behavior of others!!

It is best, and you probably already beleive this, to not be overly concerned about the behavior and dress of others at Mass. It can be hard no doubt we all struggle with this!

People wearing flip-flops and torn jeans, a woman wearing an expensive fur, young teenage girls wearing strapless shirts, a child reading a book and eating goldfish, people not singing, people being late, people not kneeling, people not being reverent receiving the Eucharist, people not giving money in the collection, people being too "stiff" and people not shaking hands at peace time the list of things we do that annoy one another is endless isn't it?.

Our challenge is to do our best to see past these things. This is hard of course, but through prayer and God's help anything is possible!

Jesus loves her so much, she is his little girl! He loves you too! Hope this helps a little.


#12

If I owned a fur coat, it would be the only winter coat I owned and I’d wear it everywhere. Otherwise, why bother?


#13

Even if she bought the fur herself. It is not our or anyone elses jon to judge how she spends her money. Perhaps she and her husband are very well off, and donate generously as well. Who knows? I know my husband spent several thousand dollars on my wedding ring, and it is something I treasure, I would be deeply hurt if I thought someone down the pew from me resented that I had such a beautiful piece jewelry and thought I was being snobby because I was wearing it.

I have a fur stoll of my Grandmother's. I don't wear it often, but when I do I love it because it has the smell of her perfume in it and reminds me of her. My mom wears her full length fur occasionally and thinks the same thing about it as well.

Let it go.


#14

I should clarify one point - this is NOT an old coat, it is very clearly a new modern design, it is a new coat. Not that it matters, but some have suggested it is a family heirloom or some such.

I’m really not the distracted at Mass type, which is why I think this DID distract me so much. I think, after reading the posts, that it is because of who she is and not what she’s wearing. We do have a bit of “history” between us, let’s say, and I think that may be clouding my perception of the situation. :blush:

I agree - probably the best advice yet.

I know this conversation will continue, which is fine. It’s not possible to turn things off once they’ve started here. But I thank you all for your comments. I guess no one else has an opinion about this (since that IS what I asked, and not for suggestions on how to handle MY situation). But thank you nonetheless.

~Liza


#15

We have a winner ladies and gentlemen.:smiley:


#16

Do I think it’s appropriate?

I’ll try to abide by your groundrules that we can’t get into the morals of people wearing fur.

Is it inappropriate to dress in a way (notice I didn’t mention fur) that flaunts one’s privileged financial status when most of the people around you may not be eating regularly? There is a time and place for expensive dress. Mass isn’t the time or place that immediately comes to mind.

You are not judging the woman based solely on her fur, because the old ladies wearing their old coats don’t offend your sensibilities. I’m assumming that you weren’t there when the old ladies were newly married and their coats were new and expensive for their time.

You are not jealous, because you wouldn’t own such a coat, even if you could afford one, but you can’t, so you may breathe easy on that score.

You would not hold the same opinion for a man wearing an Armani suit to Mass that was of equal value to the full length fox fur. Is this not somewhat of a double standard?

I think your husband asked you the right question. Please tell him so for me. Your post really gave me a good laugh and I don’t think this bothers you as much as you say. God bless.


#17

I work in a wealthy parish. Furs are very common in the winter. We even have a fur fashion show at our women's guild annual dinner. Many of these women who wear furs also donate a ton of money to the parish and other charities.


#18

Good heavens! Who cares?
How can this be anyone’s business???


#19

At least she isn't being immodest.


#20

What if she wore an obviously expensive crucifix around her neck.

Meaning of at least an inch in length, and 14k gold. Depending on how thick, todays market value (just with a google search) you can find some for $600.00

For a tiny pc. of jewelry.

I just discovered my miraculous medal (actually handed down to me) would easily retail around $300.00

I live an area that it rather affluent. I was talking with another mother... who happens to live in a HUGE mansion.

And she shared with me, that her easily $300.00 outfit (based on labels) cost her less than $30.00. 'Cause she's a thrifty shopper.

Are you SURE her coat isn't a great fake? And would she tell you? I have a friend that tells everyone her FAKE 3+ carat diamond ring is real...

In the end... ok... maybe she's making a financial statement. If I KNEW that, when the fund raiser came up.. (and yes, I'd be on the committee), I'd be looking and asking for a donation. If she's got so much money, I bet she's happy to share!


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