Wedding Etiquette


#1

Future sister in law, age 25 years old is committing an adultery. She had a child with an older and married man (age around early 50’s). The “man” eventually left his wife and he is now living with future sister in law and their first child (baby # 2 on the way). The man was married in a catholic church.

This whole situation is very embarrassing to me and I’m always afraid of other people
and especially my family to find out. What’s worse is that the “man” is also the father of one of my first cousin’s friend. I know the day will probably come when they will learn of the situation and connect the dots.

I do not hate the sister in law personally, I hate what she is doing or has done. I hate the “man”, and I don’t even want to see him or be associated with him. I feel that he also betrayed me because I know of my cousin’s friend (his daughter from 1st wife).

Can I exclude future sis in law from my own wedding? I would not want to have the “man” there for sure. But, how would my boyfriend’s family react? Would it just be understandable?


#2

This woman is your boyfriend’s sister?

I don’t think it would be understandable. Even if your boyfriend’s family are conservative Catholics, it wouldn’t be understandable. They might not go to her wedding, but it would be expected that she’d be invited to her brother’s wedding.

Unless there is some huge falling out between her and your boyfriend, you should expect that he would want to invite her to his wedding.

Why are you embarrassed by this situation? Her sin has absolutely nothing to do with you or your wedding.


#3

I can certainly understand the way you feel. But, have you discussed this with your fiance? Ultimately, his opinion is the one that really counts.

Most traditional weddings include both families-sisters and brothers second only to parents. You could have a small ceremony, with both sets of parents, the best man, maid of honor, and priest who performs the ceremony, but would that be enough? Most brides and grooms want a day they can look back upon, with photos, flowers, etc.

But, if having this man at the ceremony is simply too much for you to be comfortable with (and, if your fiance’s sis is invited, she will most likely consider him included), speak with your fiance. Tell him all of your objections, and listen to what he wants. If you can come to an agreement that will let you both enjoy the wedding, most likely you can get through anything together…a very good beginning for a marriage! It may also help if you talk to your priest.

I understand-it is a difficult situation. But remember, it’s only one day in what will be, hopefully, a long and happy marriage.

So, speak to your fiance, and, however you work it out, I wish you a very happy marriage!


#4

His opinion counts?

Excuse me for asking why a Priest’s opinion should not weigh higher than some guy?:confused:

Shouldn’t they be in the process of marital counsuling now by the catholic church?

Wouldn’t both of their respective spiritual advisors be weighing in on this heavy decision of vocation?

Why can’t concerns about these matters go to the priest/s involved during the "banns"period of discernment? And finally, is it a sin to be the one who is mentioned in the bible as

Let no man put asunder?

I have no idea here, but it really makes me wonder about all this considering it is a sacrament to at least the catholic church.

So, if I really objected on a solid moral ground, I would not go farther than my local priest to get an answer.

But, that is me. If you can’t trust the men to do what they have to do, then why worry about what they will be a witness to? You do realize catholic priests do nothing to bind a couple in marriage right? They recognize that to be only a thing God can do from what I read here. I may need help understanding what I read, but that’s what I am seeing.


#5

On one hand, it is you and your fiancee’s wedding - if you are paying for it, you two can invite or disinvite whomever you please.

If parents are paying, they DO have a big say in who is invited.

On the other hand, you do not only marry the man, you marry his family.

Do you exclude all guests who are in invalid marriages?


#6

I think the best thing you can do is talk with your fiance, and see what he has to say about all this…I can understand the whole “man” situation, well I don’t want my fiance’s parents at my wedding and I doubt they will show up but I will send them an invitation even though they hate me…

I agree that your fiance’s sister’s sin is not yours and you really shouldn’t let that interfere with your wedding…But the sooner you can talk to your fiance the better things might be for you all!


#7

Maybe I’m an incurable optimist… but supposing you were to invite them despite your very understandable discomfort, and God were to take the opportunity to use something about the ceremony (maybe the music, or one of the readings, or a particularly thought-provoking thing said by the priest?) to plant a seed in their hearts that might later grow and bear good fruit? Years from now, they might say to you “You know, the first step in my journey back to the Church was that reading you had at your wedding – it just stuck in my head and the more I thought about it, the more I began to see what the Church is really all about…” Stranger things have happened… All things are possible with God. Especially if you were to pray (and maybe even fast) for them! :slight_smile:

“I tell you, there is more rejoicing in Heaven over such a one than over the ninety-nine who did not stray…”

Just a thought.


#8

I definitely think you should talk it over with your fiance. What about inviting future SIL and no specific guest? Of course, if she asks why that man wasn’t invited it might be awkward; I doubt I’d have the guts to innocently say I didn’t have the budget for him and his wife.


#9

Discuss it with your fiance and your priest. It would be difficult to exclude the groom’s sister and no one else in the groom’s family or yours.

Invite the sister, do not give her an “and guest” or “and escort” option on her invitation. It should be an invitation for her and her child only.

What happens after that is not your problem. I don’t understand why YOU are embarrassed by HER bad behavior and life choices.


#10

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