Please help with something that’s causing me alot of pain (it’s unreal - it hurts so bad)…
I have FINALLY found a very nice man, who actually goes to church, and has never been married and has no kids. He’s very sweet. We’re both 35 and getting married this year.
It’s always been important to me to have a husband who also shares the Catholic faith. However, my sister got married about 6 years ago to a man who is an off-shoot of United Methodist - who does not go to church. They were married in the Catholic church - it was a total farce…I now wish I said something against this marriage; they now have a 2 year old son, and her husband refuses to allow the child to be baptized - and will not allow his wife or son to set foot in a Catholic church.
Anyway…I’m “EXPECTED” to have my sister as Matron of Honor, and her son as ring-bearer. I don’t want this…
So don’t. At your age don’t allow ‘what’s expected’ to dictate what happens at your wedding. There is no need to have a ring bearer. Do you have a favorite aunt & uncle or are any of the 4 sets of granparents still alive and enjoying a wonderful marriage? Why not have them present the rings at the proper time? They know what those rings mean: the commitment, the love, the worries & joys they will bring. Much more meaningful than having a 2 year old who doesn’t have a clue what’s going on carry them on a cute little pillow.
And - my father, as soon as he learned I was invited to dinner at my fiance’s family’s house on Christmas Eve, insisted he go to church at 4 on Christmas Eve (that was my punishment).
Maybe your dad feared that you would end up not going to Mass at all – dads can be weird that way.
I don’t know what’s going on…but if my father can’t wait to go to church with me at 10 am on Christmas Day…well, I don’t feel loved or important to him, and don’t really want him to give me away. (My mom died when I was 8 - very unexpectedly - and I haven’t really had anyone to advoacte for me ever.)
Your Dad’s role, even if he walks you down the aisle, is not to give you away – something we don’t do in the Catholic Church. In other religions they often ask the question “Who gives this woman to be married?” The Catholic Church doesn’t see a woman as a possession of her father. Nobody gives her to the groom. She gives herself to her husband in marriage, as he gives himself to her. That’s why the Church’s rite calls for the bride and groom to be welcomed by the priest at the church door and then come up together, side by side, (they can be followed by by their witnesses and even their parents) in the entrance procession.
What should I do? Can I still have a wedding in the Catholic church without my family being there? Or, should I just pretend that everything is OK???
You can do it without your family, but you may live to regret that forever. I chose not to invite a couple who were my fiancé’s friends because they felt he was making a big mistake by marrying me. My rationale:“Why invite them to celebrate something they’re in fact mourning?” I’ve always regretted not being a bigger person because in the long run it meant that I never felt comfortable enough to visit their home with hubby and kids; hubby visited with the kids sometimes but there was always tension after that and up to the point of the wedding they’d been like a second family to him.
Do you WANT your sister as your maid-of-honor? If you do, ask her, then accept her response, even if it’s ‘no’. She has to live in her marriage and must do what’s best for her & the kids whatever she understands that to be.