Thank you all for the time and thought to respond to my post. I should make it clear we are not engaged, this is based on a recent conversation following a family visit. On the way home I posed the question 'If we were to marry where would we do it?'
1ke - Your response it very informative and I think you are right and should I be lucky enough for him to propose we should visit his priest. I have not been Baptised and I was not aware we would have to gain dispensation.
[quote="Thomas63116, post:3, topic:212531"]
I'm not quite sure what advice or insight to offer. Other than noting that you are non-religious, you don't really offer much explanation for why you do not wish to be married in a church.
Since you are non-religious (and seem not to want to be married in any church) I'm not sure quite how it would work.
Thomas63116 the reason I do not wish to get married in any church is to me it seems hypocritical. It's like turning up at a neighbours house that you don't ever speak to or visit for a party because its a nice looking place for the occasion. I have been to weddings and confirmations for his family members and I don't feel comfortable in taking part in a service I have no belief in. I don't like taking part and not joining in as that feels rude yet joining in feels hypocritical.
I have previously questioned getting married at all as it is a religious ceremony however I love this man with all my heart and I want to make a commitment to him.
[quote="PatriceA, post:4, topic:212531"]
This is a bit off topic, but you say you agree that the children can be brought up Catholic but you do not feel comfortable with the idea of getting married in the Church and I'm wondering if you've fully thought about how that can be a potential problem. If you feel so uncomfortable with getting married in a Church, how are you going to feel with your children being baptised in the Church, or receiving the other sacraments? It doesn't sound to me at least, that you've fully reconciled your own views about the Church and how that will impact how your children are raised in the Catholic faith.
PatriceA I have given this a lot of thought and I am aware of potential problems. If my partner wishes them to be brought up Catholic then it is his responsibility to do so and I will support him and any children in this as much as I am able to within my own beliefs. I don't in anyway think religion to be a 'bad thing' so am happy for my children to be baptised and receive sacraments it is just not a path I choose.
[quote="puzzleannie, post:5, topic:212531"]
well I don't know why it is important to him to marry in the Catholic Church since he has rejected the other Catholic sacraments particularly the Eucharist, but I am glad his conscience is awakening. If either or both of you are baptized Catholic you must marry according to the laws of the Church. Period. If the Catholic party disregards this he is separated from the sacraments, particularly the Eucharist, until the situation is rectified. That is the worst thing, short of death in a condition of mortal sin, that can happen to a Catholic. Anyone who loves a Catholic needs to know the seriousness of this and the damage being done to the soul of their loved one who is separated from Christ and his Church. If he asks for this and you can't do it out of love for him, it suggests the relationship needs a lot of work before marriage is contemplated.
puzzleannie - I don't think the relationship needs a lot more work I think it is my understanding of Catholicism as a whole.
Spencerian I do not question his faith, I think I just don't understand it. I know that he believes the marriage would not be valid if he were to marry anywhere else but a church.
The 'big wedding' also puts me off! I do not like being centre of attention and that seems to come as part of the bride parcel ;)
Best wishes for your future celebration :)
[quote="Totterman, post:7, topic:212531"]
God bless You. My humble opinion is that,as far as I did understand Your question You don't realy beleive in God,am I right? My ansver stands on that thought. You know he are catholic,and that he do believe in what the Church teaches,and You have already agree in bringing up Your children,wich I hope You are blessed whit,so in a way You do also agree whit the Church,and if Your children are been brought up according to what the Church teach,You need to know a lot. So I will advise You,hoping I am right,to learn as much as You can about catholic life,You will need it when the children will ask things and You need to explain things to them,and even if You never convert into catholic faith,or even if You never realy will believe,You love the man You will marrie,marrie him in a church. You may not believe,but that do not rule out God,He is as real no matter do You believe or not,so give You comming husband as a wedding gift a marrieage in "his" church. And somehowe I have this feeling that will be the best wedding gifts of all.
Totterman I have dwelled on your post the most, I am not sure why this is but it it has given me a warm feeling. Put like that it does seem quite simple.
Catholic1954 He is wonderful and perhaps this is something I just have to 'get over' for him.
Thank you all so much again for your thoughts it has given me a lot to think about. It has also been very educational and highlighted just how little I know about Catholicism.