Wedding registries


#1

I'm just wondering what you all think of wedding registries for people who have been living on their own awhile and have most everything they need.

I created one out of pressure from some friends and family who told me that it was greedy NOT to have one, because it looked like I was looking for money without one (which, frankly, would be a lot more helpful than new towels and the other stuff I put on there, which I don't really need).

I understand that some people want guidance, but I never expected this type of reaction to not wanting one. I just figured that people would give us a gift they chose if they wanted, or give us money. Is it selfish not to have a registry?


#2

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Prayers for you and your marriage, that is wonderful news!

Is it selfish not to have a registry? I suppose not…but you were kind to register for gifts to make others happy, that was a wonderful thing to do! Of course if you have been living on your own you have things you need, but hopefully you can find nice beautiful things such as crystal or beautiful vases to decorate your new home with. People often want to give something tangible, not just write a check and they want to give you something that you want. I have to be honest that I am one of those people that feels better giving a gift then money especially when the relationship is a close one. This comes from my own feelings I remember using the towels, dishes, candlesticks that I received for my wedding. I recall the feeling of being surrounded in my home by beautiful and loving gifts for my marriage and it felt lovely so I enjoy being a part of that for someone else.

So I don’t think you are selfish but you showed kindness in your actions. I hope you can find something you like and can enjoy for years to come. God bless you.


#3

You can’t please everyone. It is your wedding and I think you should do what suits your needs with regard to whether or not you decide to have a registry. We did not have a registry as it would have made us feel like we were “asking” for gifts (this is our personal preference and we are not against those who decide to have one). I think that it is fine either way you choose to do it. If you want a registry but already have a lot of household goods, you can also consider registries for trip companies where people can chip in for your honeymoon, etc.

I wish you all the best!

:blessyou:


#4

I think most people like wedding registries because it allows them to buy an actual gift with the knowledge that it is actually something you want and it won’t be duplicated. That’s the whole reason wedding registries were created: people were tired of giving and receiving multiple toasters. :wink:

I don’t know if Bed, Bath, & Beyond still does this, but they would allow couples to return items off their registry for cash and with no receipt for a certain time after the wedding date. I think this is their way of encouraging you to scan with utter abandon as you make your way through the store adding items to your registry. My wife and I utilized that option in order to obtain those items we needed but did not receive (like silverware). You may want to look into that if the idea of trading the presents in for cash appeals to you. :slight_smile:


#5

I have a different take on this. I’m quite the bargain hunter and many times have been able to give a gift of far greater value than what I could have given in cash. If you have a list then I can get a general idea of what you like–modern/traditional, red/orange etc. Also, I believe that sometimes cash ends up being frittered away with nothing in the end to really show for it. I’m still using wedding gifts I received in 1966 and every time I use them I think about the person who gave them–many givers are long deceased. Some gifts I didn’t use right away but many years later–wrong color towels etc. that eventually became the right color and the like .

Since people were asking for a list, I think it was most gracious of you to provide one and it will relieve many guests the stress of wondering what on earth to buy, not to mention the people who don’t really wish to give money for various reasons. If you do get things you know you will never want/use, wait a couple of years and donate them to a St. Vincent de Paul thrift store.


#6

Perhaps you’re looking at this with a too practical point of view. Even if both you and your intended have been living on your own for awhile and you have most of the stuff you need now in your separate lives, its still fun to go and create the registry together. You two can pick out stuff that represents your tastes as a couple, not as individuals. And some of the stuff your register for, is the impractical stuff like a formal china pattern or similar. You get the opportunity to learn more about each other and create a wish list that you’re never going to get the chance to create again. I didn’t get a whole lot of stuff on our registry anyways, but it pleased the older aunts and my husband’s grandmother so it served its purpose for all of us.


#7

[quote="Katie966, post:1, topic:252655"]

I created one out of pressure from some friends and family who told me that it was greedy NOT to have one, because it looked like I was looking for money without one .
?

[/quote]

I would love to see Miss Manners' answer to this one. So now it is selfish to abide by traditional courtesy and etiquette rather than bow to the modern gift extortion demand list (aka bridal registry). Now I have heard it all.

the correct response to these know-nothings is to flutter your eyelashes and say, "surely you don't think I am getting married because I expect gifts, I am just asking people to share our special day with us."


#8

I'm starting with the assumption that gifts are of four types: money, goods, services, and donations made to others in your name.

You don't have to have a registry, but since you're saying that you'd rather have money than any stuff you can think of and don't mention services you'd like or charities that you'd not mind getting help in your name, then logically speaking you are asking for money.

I think the only way to avoid this would be to say something like, "We have everything we need. If you want to give us a gift, it would be better to mark our marriage by making a donation to someone who doesn't have what they need".

If that is not true, then when they ask where you're registered, you can say, "You know, I know people find registries very helpful, but I don't feel comfortable asking for things. If you want to give us a gift, why don't you surprise us? I'd be happy to tell you what we already have and what colors our rooms are, and that kind of thing, if that would help you." Gift registries are intended to do that.....that is, answer the question of what would work for you, for the people who ask.


closed #9

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