Wedding ring unless actively looking to court?


#1

I ask this partially in jest, but there’s a serious idea behind it…

… Should men and women, married or single, always wear a wedding ring unless and until they are actively looking for a potential spouse?

Similarly, should men and women avoid making themselves attractive unless they are doing the same?


#2

If you are not married, do not wear a wedding ring.
This could actually backfire -
Say for instance you wear a ring to avoid entanglements but then meet someone who you are interested in, suddenly the ring disappears, and there is a “white band” on your ring finger…What impression is the other person likely to get ?? That you are a cheating spouse…

As to “looking attractive”, one should always seek to be well and appropriately dressed for a given situation. Be who you are always. Anything else is “putting on airs”.

Peace
James


#3

A strange question! I have never heard of single people pretending to be married! You can just say, “I am not dating right now.”

As for making yourself attractive, there is no reason to ever violate standards of modesty, but you don’t have to wear sackcloth and ashes to repel the opposite sex! That would be silly. Just dress in modest, comfortable ways and take care of your physical appearance! You would be eventually looking for someone who would love you for what is on the inside but the outside is important in its own way.

:slight_smile:


#4

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:3, topic:248542"]
A strange question! I have never heard of single people pretending to be married!

[/quote]

I was accused of doing that to avoid dating when I was a newlywed. A guy where I worked had asked me for a date and I responded with a smile that I'd like to as long as my husband could come with us as I flashed him my wedding ring. He said, "Those rings can be bought anywhere, I don't believe you're married." It took a while to convince him I was.


#5

I know many married people who don’t wear rings, but that doesn’t make them any less married, or any more available. My mother in law almost lost her rings twice at work (she’s a nurse and had to scrub in for c-sections). After the second time, she simply stopped wearing them to work, and that eventually evolved into her not wearing them. After have 4 children, she would have to get them sized now, as her fingers are bigger than when she got married.


#6

I also went without for several years after I lost mine.


#7

No, you shouldn't wear a wedding ring before being married. It is a sign of a specific state of live that you aren't in. (And married people don't always wear rings for many reasons.) If you get asked out by someone you aren't interested in dating/courting, you simply say "No thanks." If someone is so persistent it bothers you, then wearing a wedding ring might not dissuade them either.

As for looking 'attractive' not sure what that means. You should be well groomed (clean, hair brushed etc) and wear modest, well-fitting, appropriate for the event clothes. Just because you are single doesn't mean you need to dress immodestly, just as married people don't always need to look like frumps. :-)

Better solutions are too not go to 'singles night' at bars, or hang out too much with friends when they are looking for dates. Focus on things you can do as a group and not couples. Spend more free time helping others (your parish or diocese can help there). Also spend time in discernment especially in Adoration.


#8

It’s interesting that so many people lose their rings. Mine almost never leaves my finger.

DW & I went on a vacation in June to a Caribbean island. We did not want to worry about losing them or being robbed. We left the real rings at home in a safe. Instead, we wore inexpensive 10k bands that I had purchased on Amazon.


#9

[quote="Paul1961, post:8, topic:248542"]
It's interesting that so many people lose their rings. Mine almost never leaves my finger.

DW & I went on a vacation in June to a Caribbean island. We did not want to worry about losing them or being robbed. We left the real rings at home in a safe. Instead, we wore inexpensive 10k bands that I had purchased on Amazon.

[/quote]

I've had to remove it when I've developed a rash underneath and during bouts of arthritis when hands were too swollen to wear it.


#10

[quote="Paul1961, post:8, topic:248542"]
It's interesting that so many people lose their rings. Mine almost never leaves my finger.

DW & I went on a vacation in June to a Caribbean island. We did not want to worry about losing them or being robbed. We left the real rings at home in a safe. Instead, we wore inexpensive 10k bands that I had purchased on Amazon.

[/quote]

We know a guy with slender knuckles whom I believe has lost his wedding ring five times! He lost the first one on his honeymoon. I think he finally gave up and now wears his ring on a chain around his neck.


#11

[quote="JRKH, post:2, topic:248542"]
... there is a "white band" on your ring finger...

Be who you are always. Anything else is "putting on airs".

[/quote]

I have to agree with this. It is OK to be discrete about who you are. If you are celebrity, for instance, you can take steps to conceal your identity. Your identity is private information, and you may reserve that information from all except those who have some right to it.

Excepting for true reasons of safety, though--for instance, giving the impression that you are not alone and vulnerable when you are--giving the impression that you are who you are not is going over a line.


#12

I think it's insulting to married people when nonmarried people want to wear a rind to "deflect" the opposite sex. Marriage is a serious commitment not to mention a sacrament and I find it insulting to those of us taking that huge commitment when people want to "pretend". (I had some single friends who would do this and it really bugged me)


#13

Maybe a claddah (sp?) ring would be better if your trying to tell the world your single and looking for a mate. If a chick wore a wedding band, I wouldn’t try to get with her. If a dude wears one, he can expect that women (decent ones) would stay away as well.


#14

[quote="there_and_back, post:1, topic:248542"]
Should men and women, married or single, always wear a wedding ring unless and until they are actively looking for a potential spouse?

[/quote]

Typically, no, unmarried people should not adorn their ring fingers. There are exceptional circumstances where someone might want 'disguide' the fact that they are unattached, such as flight attendants who don't want people flirting with them for an entire transatlantic flight. (I've personally known two flight attendants who bought gold bands they slipped on right before heading to the airport. Both claimed it saved them a lot of headaches.)

[quote="there_and_back, post:1, topic:248542"]
Similarly, should men and women avoid making themselves attractive unless they are doing the same?

[/quote]

Name one good reason why the world should be filled with frumpy, dowdy, slovenly, messy, unkempt, un-coiffed, Christians. I can't think of one. Spiritually and emotionally healthy people, "happy" people, want to look their best, or at least want to look their best, at all times. It's not always possible to do so, but the desire is there. It's only common courtesy.

Have you ever seen our Pope? The man cuts an absolutely dashing figure in public, and he is the number one face of Catholicism in our world. Have you ever seen him make a public appearance where he looks like he needed a shower and a shave? No, I didn't think so. And I certainly don't think he's looking for a wife.:p


#15

[quote="karow, post:14, topic:248542"]

Name one good reason why the world should be filled with frumpy, dowdy, slovenly, messy, unkempt, un-coiffed, Christians. I can't think of one. Spiritually and emotionally healthy people, "happy" people, want to look their best, or at least want to look their best, at all times. It's not always possible to do so, but the desire is there. It's only common courtesy.

[/quote]

LoL :thumbsup:


#16

No good can come from purposely trying to deceive other people.


#17

I suggest a tattoo.:smiley:


#18

Oddly enough, I have see a few unmarried people wear ‘wedding’ rings. One was a man who swore it was a great way to attract women (sad)

One was a girl who called it ‘jerk’ repellent (but she was not so polite)

Once I was at the bank and I pointed to the tellers finger and asked ‘When is the big day’. She said ‘I just like to wear a ring on that finger’

When I was a teenager, I would wear a cheap ring on that finger because I though it looked nice. But when I was 20 and realized that usually that finger is saved for engagement/wedding rings, I stopped wearing anything on that finger

Sometimes I see fashionable rings that I think would look good on that finger but I don’t buy them. For some reason, I just don’t think it is a good idea to wear any ring there

CM


#19

To the matter of losing rings,
I worked in a factory around lathes, mills, etc for many years and for safety I wouls take off my wedding band. I kept a small lightweight “keyring” on my regular key ring - you know the kind I mean, the sort used at car dealerships and garages and such.
Anyway, as soon as I got to work, the ring went on my keyring in my pocket. As soon as I left work, it went back on my finger. The funny thing is that if I walked into work accidentally with it on, I instantly knew it and took it off. When I left work, if I forgot to put it on, I’d likewise notice it very quickly and put it back on my finger…
Funny how our minds work like that…

Peace
James


#20

[quote="karow, post:14, topic:248542"]
Name one good reason why the world should be filled with frumpy, dowdy, slovenly, messy, unkempt, un-coiffed, Christians. I can't think of one. Spiritually and emotionally healthy people, "happy" people, want to look their best, or at least want to look their best, at all times. It's not always possible to do so, but the desire is there. It's only common courtesy.

[/quote]

I took "attractive" to have been code for "sexually attractive" or "trendy" or whatever people wear on dates. I didn't think he was suggesting that people who don't want to marry should quit shaving, combing their hair, using deodorant, or wearing clean clothing.

Maybe the OP didn't know what "attractive" was supposed to mean. I'm with you, though: there is no reason that those who don't want to marry should have to look dowdy, and no reason that those who want to marry ought to feel they need to dress as if they're on display at a meat market.

There was a time and place when married women no longer wore certain colors and men didn't concern themselves with these things because it was assumed that women never made direct inquiries about a man's availability, but these are not those days. People who wonder if you're available are going to ask. In these days they're going to make their inquiries no matter* what* jewelry you're wearing. Unfortunately, that's the way it is.

If it becomes a widespread practice that singles wear wedding bands to deflect inquiries and advances, then wedding bands won't deflect inquiries for those who are married, even inquiries from the people who respect marriage. As it is now, the people who would care to look for a wedding band are the most likely to know how to take "no" for an answer, too. They're not really the people that cause the main concern, are they?


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