Weird disagreement with my mom


You’ve had plenty of suggestions, so I’ll add an odd one. My mother always liked big plans and working toward goals. Could you tell her you are looking to be taken more seriously and getting used to job clothing or having your teachers treat you more like an adult or join the business club or something? If you do, then you could have a plan that includes some suitable clothing, and all these would be modest. With some moms, it is all about pitching it right. Find a pitch that she will think is a good idea.


I am so glad to see that I’m not the only one in this situation, although I guess mine is slightly different! My sister is getting married soon and my mom is really pushing for a particular strapless bridesmaid gown that she loves (it’s trendy and stylish). I have told them both that I think strapless is inappropriate in a Catholic wedding, but my mother in particular clearly thinks I’m being prudish. I don’t want to be a bridesmaid-zilla, but I also really don’t want to stand up there by the altar in what I think is an immodest dress. Any wise thoughts on what I should do or whether I’m being unreasonable? My sister’s bridal gown, btw, is not strapless, plus there’s a long veil for added coverage.


Ask if you can wear a pretty scarf or stole over your shoulders, at least during the Mass. My bridal gown was strapless and my bridesmaids chose spaghetti-strap dresses, but all the dresses came with matching stoles. The dresses were otherwise modestly cut (no cleavage, high backs, long full skirts) so that extra fabric to drape over our shoulders took care of any other issues.


Yes, but being a tomboy/ non-girly-chick is what some people like to be.
ah… me and my friends were like poster children for gender role defiance.
still are.


Good for you and stick to your guns!

You could always try getting her to ‘explain.’ That sometimes takes the wind out of their sails.


You can be a tomboy and still be feminine. There is too narrow a definition in our society about what is feminine. Ruffles and the color pink is not the only alternative. :stuck_out_tongue: Some young girls rebel against this without realizing that they are going to far the other way.


Can’t get much cuter than this:

or this:

Not wearin’ a burka, but not parading around in lingerie either.



Ummmmm - you do know that these are not real girls, right?


Neither are most models.

Besides, look at the clothes.


Well, not to be nit-pickey, these are not real clothes, there is a drawing of the top half of a torso showing the top half of an imaginary shirt, and a drawing of a neckline :slight_smile:

Not exactly outfits one could go purchase at the local mall…


Maybe she could learn to sew and make a close imitation.


The more realistic approach would be to to look at real clothes on real people who have the same body shape/portortions as you, and learn what cuts and fabrics and styles will work best. You can then shop or sew along those guidelines.


This ought to work:

“Mom, I’m trying to attract guys that like my eyes, not my cleavage.”

If that doesn’t work, mom might need an exorcist. :wink:


When I was seventeen I was a senior in high school, getting ready to go off to college. My parents (mom especially) started getting me things – nail clippers, luggage set, shoe shine kit, a really big teddy bear, OK, I asked for that one :slight_smile: – some of which were kind of odd, but it made sense that they were cramming in the belongings AND SKILLS I would need once I was off on my own in the world.

Planning a wardrobe is one of those skills you’ll need someday, if not just yet. You see what your dresser and closet hold, give away any clothes that don’t fit or (be honest) that you’re never going to wear because you don’t like them, and you look at what remains. Let’s say you need about ten tops, including a couple fo blouses and nice sweaters, about ten “bottoms”, including a few skirts and dresses for church, dressy family occasions like weddings or anniversaries, maybe a date on the fancy side, etc.

Many teens tend to own and wear all casual clothes, but at some point you should own a variety of colors, fabrics, and levels of formality so you have something appropriate and attractive for any likely occasion. You may soon be visiting college campuses and interviewing admissions representatives, or you may be interviewing for a job, for example. Besides color and fabric type, the fit matters: super tight and super baggy are extremes that may not be the most flattering or attractive fits for any given body type.

I don’t know about the “halter tops, tank tops, or bikinis,” but maybe your mom is just trying to help you build a more well-rounded, more mature wardrobe before you go off into the world on your own. Do you ever watch The Learning Channel’s “What NOT to Wear?” Its premise may sound frivolous and superficial, but since you have to wear clothes anyway :smiley: why not choose them so as to be attractive and flattering to your coloring and figure type? This is a skill that few are born with, but it can be learned with a little effort and attention to detail. Dressing attractively can help you feel good and confident about yourself as you go off into unfamiliar situations like interviews, the working world, etc. and people may treat you more respectfully as a result, too.

I guess we can’t really know what your mom is thinking unless you ask her. :wink:


Kwaaa! MAISON IKKOKU!!! i agree. Kyoko is cute but feminine, and modest.
tears roll to eyes how i love maison ikkoku. one of the best mangas EVER!


Exactly. The way she dresses is adorable.


I was thinking about this… When I was 17 and a senior in HS my mom bought me a classic grey business suit. Why would I need that you ask? She wanted me to have at least one appropriate outfit for job interviews, court, work… you know… life stuff. She also started buying me fine jewelry… for graduation I got a Hamilton watch (about $120 almost 30 yrs ago) and black hills gold (my favorite) so I had stuff to go with my business suit. Incidently, I am 44 and I still have that suit and it still fits… Yeah me!!! But even better… it was a classic style so it has never gone out of style.


A mother wanting her daughter to dress with class and style… :slight_smile: Sigh. That seems to be a rarity among mothers today.:frowning:


Yeah but don’t give her too much credit… everything with her was for show. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the things I learned and the items she purchased for me, but it was more so I didn’t embarrass her than for my own good. Her true colors came out when she gave me juice and $5 when I should have been in the hospital… she wanted it to look like she did something. Or when she offered to take me for a haircut because she didn’t like the way I did my hair… or…etc…


Oh my gosh – I am in the same exact situation with my friend who is getting married. :frowning: She picked out a strapless/spaghetti-strap dress for us that happened to come with a shawl. Her requests are that we ought to wear the shawl at the ceremony but not wear it for pictures. Other than that we can do what we want. I wanted the shawl on the whole time (and even figured out a way to fashion it so that it looks nice and stays in place). My feeling is, whether it’s 15 hours or 15 minutes, the bottom line is, I’m still showing more than I’m comfortable with (AND it’s being memorialized forever with professional photos!!!) We last left it that I would send her a photo of what I look like in the shawl and she (and her fiance…who is a bit of a groomzilla :banghead: ) will decide whether or not I can keep it on the whole time.

Then our mutual friend sent me a very frustrated email, calling me out on not pledging alegience to the bride and adding to the bride’s near “mental break down”…she has a lot on her plate right now, wedding aside…

I’ve yet to email her the picture because I feel like an insensitive jerk if I do, yet if I don’t give it a shot, I feel like I’m abandoning my principles on modesty. These ideas are very counter-cultural, I realize, and they are not even agreed upon by practicing Catholics (which includes both the bride and our mutual friend). Yet I feel as though my feelings on modesty are intertwined with my feelings on chastity, because they go together so strongly. There are other factors involved as well, and they can’t all be included here. But I have to remember – and perhaps this is the only conclusive idea I can give you – that we are battling a culture, a set of ideas; we are not battling our loved ones. I have to remind myself of this. Just because they do not have a full sense (or any at all) about modesty, doesn’t mean we are to battle them. The enemy would love it if we turned on each other, after all, particularly in the name of a virtue.

Fortunately, our beautiful Catholic faith has the gift of Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”, which will hopefully continue to shed light on all kinds of matters, and in such a positive way. :extrahappy: Please feel free to share with us your experiences in this matter, since many of us are trying to figure all of this out, and in the most peaceful, virtue-centered way possible.

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