Keep praying the Rosary. Guard your heart and be careful about what you desire.
I find it difficult to realize and know for a fact that Mary, Jesus and God are very real (and Catholic). I didn’t know and then I went through RCIA.
There are so many moral requirements that I had already failed and become hopelessly entangled with. It reminds me of how I was already stuck in a corner for punishment in sixth grade – a few minutes before the first day of class even began.
I even sometimes question whether I need psychiatric help (how else can I explain away coincidental circumstances which have no other possible explanation other than Mary personally getting involved in my life).
Praying the Rosary and drawing near to Mary bring comfort and peace.
Thankfully, I am confident that Jesus and Our Lady do not give us more than we can handle. So take comfort in that too.
Mothers tend to be very pleased and get very involved with baby’s first … (anything). If I had become a Catholic at a much earlier age, I might not have noticed during my many first baby steps. But since I was already about 50 years old, I did notice Mary’s presence on several firsts.
The first time I prayed the whole Rosary (all mysteries) from memory – even though they were out of order. I had done Joyful, Sorrowful, Glorious and Luminous in the same order as I read in a book. I sensed Mary’s presence in the very last decade of praying. And I realized it would be better to do Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful then Glorious.
My first visit to the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception – Mary was near.
The first time I knealt before the Blessed Sacrament to do Eucharistic Adoration was also a time Mary was very near.
A little over two years ago, I went to the chapel of Our Lady of Lourdes (at the National Shrine – Basilica of the Immaculate Conception in Washington DC). I wrote down the prayer on the kneeler (incorrectly). I didn’t know it yet at that moment, but It was going to be the first time I prayed a novena – “Novena Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”. Like I say, I had written the prayer down wrong and it was poorly incomplete. Our Lady saw to it that I was given the correct prayer on a prayer card immediately after I got up to leave the chapel. Our Lady answered everything I wanted in that first Novena. I thought getting the answers to that prayer was like riding in a Cadillac. It was a special experience. And that novena led to other things that have helped me to learn about Our Lady’s virtues.
So if this is the first time you’ve tried the novena you are doing right now, “baby’s first steps” is possibly a good explanation of what is going on. Mary is encouraging you in something that she wants you to learn and something she wants to become a part of your life.