This is in reference to family members who do this. i wish i could post this in several different palces at once, Spirituality and Prayer intentions, but i guess it fits here better.
Right now I am so angry and hurt and feeling as if i have sinned because of it. I have said a few choice things (putting it kindly) in my anger to MYSELF, not my mother. I am over 40, and my mom who is 80, loves to ask me “kindly” have you gotten a diet yet?? I am over-weight, but not by alot—I look normal. She said to me tonight, “I bet your husband wishes you were thin again…(laughing)” I responded the way I always do, like an idiot, laughing too—I said “He has told me that he loves me just the way I am.” she responded back to me: (laughing harder) "I bet he is lieing."
For most of my life this has been her way with me----using humor to disguise her criticism of me. “Are you sure you like that hair-color???” and catching me off gaurd with various other comments. In short I can’t help but feel a self-loathing well-up inside of me . I can’t even discuss this with her, because i have and she cries and says “She’s so sorry she was only trying to be helpful…” and then she gets resentful. Or She also conveniently forgets her wrong-doing,"What ? Who Me?? " and she turns into a lawyer needing notarized documentation of time and exact words said, were there any witnesses,…okay I am beginning to see the humor in it to a certain degree.
. Please don’t tell me she means well, and is concerned about my my health—she may be to a certain extent, but she is so critical of other people’s weight and general appearance that I KNOW it comes from a vain part of her—my daughter should look like she did when she was 18, or like so-and-so on Bold and the Beautiful, or the Spanish soaps she watches with all those gorgeous women (because she is always telling me about how I should fix myself up like them:mad: ).
This really hurts me deeply. It makes me very angry, and it destroys my peace—I need prayer. I need to get past this.