What Advice Would You Give to a Newly Married Couple?


#1

If you were in a position to advise a newly (validly) married couple, what (practical) advice would you give them?

Please draw from your wisdom, and life experiences (please observe forum rules), etc.


#2

2 things

  1. Pray…TOGETHER
  2. Attend Church…TOGETHER

if persons are different faiths…attend each others services TOGETHER


#3

If you don’t already have one, develop a shared sense of humor together. Don’t put others before each other and your marriage. Know from the get go that you’re going to sometimes have to make sacrifices for the benefit of the other and for the marriage. The wedding was only the beginning of the journey, not the end of your romance.


#4

Never use ABC and take an NFP class.

M


#5

:popcorn: (bump)


#6
  1. Make the morning offering together. It gives you each the strength to go into the world as a team.
  2. Make the evening offering together. It brings you together to heal each others wounds of the day.
  3. Find time for a rosary of thanksgiving for the day you have experienced before or after dinner - and before TV.
  4. Each of you buy a religous necklace for the other, and wear it every day. Have them blessed together.
  5. Have your home or apartment blessed.
  6. Expose a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Mary. Jesus has said, where HIS Heart is honored, HE will bring honor to that place.
  7. Listen to the other.
  8. Forgive the other.
  9. Work to help the other attain heaven.
  10. Thank GOD for the other, each day.

#7

Hmm, okay,

Remember that marriage is a vocation, and therefore being in a marriage, and ultimately (possibly) a family, is the most important identity you have. Don't take your responsibility lightly, and don't be ashamed of this lowly calling - it's actually a grand calling in disguise. Remember that Jesus wants you to look after your spouse for Him.

That's all I can think of right now.


#8

Love God more than you love the other; and in doing so you will love each other more.

Think of how you can serve the other, rather than what you want.

Say the rosary together and go to mass together.

Be open to children on God's timetable, not yours.


#9
  1. Remember that , “This too shall pass” no matter what the situation is, good or bad, it’s only for now~no matter how bad it can get, IT WILL PASS.

  2. Smile and be happy, even if your not. There may be nothing worse than being with someone who is mopey and sad all the time.

  3. It’s a fight between you two and the world~Have fun with it,and if anything might tear you apart, go at it will full force.

  4. Pray.

And the final two, most important ones-

  1. Never feel morally superior to your spouse.

  2. Never denigrate or humiliate the other in public.

I’m not married~this is just what I’ve observed from the marriages of my friends and family, some happily married, some unhappily married, some divorced and blissfull, some divorced and miserable.


#10

[quote="fms, post:1, topic:202614"]
If you were in a position to advise a newly (validly) married couple, what (practical) advice would you give them?

Please draw from your wisdom, and life experiences (please observe forum rules), etc.

[/quote]

have one credit card for emergencies, and another used solely for business travel and expenses if either of you needs it, otherwise, function w/o credit cards, or use the one credit card for one big purchase each year which you pay off right away, just to keep it active. Start out and stay on a cash basis. If you have to go into debt for anything other than a home or one car, forget it, you don't need it.

do not walk around with credit cards in your wallet.

learn to live on one income

embrace a spirituality of stewardship of your time, talent and treasure as a core value of your family life

Pray, together and separately.

Recreate, together and separately.

Practice NFP because someday you may need to delay pregnancy, and because it will start you off on a footing of intimacy and communication.

Repeat every day: children a gifts from God, not a right, and not a burden or punishment.

and the biggie, the one I wish I had done more:
Trust in God, in his divine providence, in his mercy.
Trust in God.


#11

Pray together, go to Mass together, and discuss menopause BEFORE you both turn 50.


#12

all the responses are good but I also would add these:

Never go to bed angry with each other

Laugh together. Humor goes a long way to helping a marriage

Pray together

Cultivate a strong friendship

Talk to each other about EVERYTHING. Especially money and sex. Those are the two things that can break a marriage apart.


#13

More additions:

Always apologize when you're wrong, even if you're not the most wrong. The truth is, when you're both wrong, the one who actually is the least wrong will probably have the easiest time apologizing. But no matter. Apologize if you're wrong. Don't get your nose bent out of shape if they don't apologize, too.

When things get tense, open the way for repairs. Humor works wonders here. Humor at your own expense is the best bet--humor at his/her expense could be dangerous.:D--but this is a good reason to marry someone who doesn't take himself/herself too seriously, and to make that attitude your own goal.

Even if--maybe especially if--you let him/her have his/her way against your better judgement, avoid saying "I told you so" when things go wrong. Instead, say, "we decided, and we'll live with our decision." (Corollary: before you marry, make sure it is someone whose judgment you trust enough that you will stick with through an occasional misjudgement. You are going to have to let him/her have his/her way over yours once in awhile. Don't give that to someone you think is an idiot.)

Give thanks that you didn't marry a perfect person, since obviously your spouse, didn't, either. The pressure to perform would have killed you! :D


#14

In addition to the many above excellent ideas I have two more:

  1. Never aim for equal effort and input. If you do, you will inevitably fail to sacrifice as much as your spouse does. Humans aren’t impartial. Aim to give MORE than you receive. If you feel things are roughly equal, step it up! This is how marriage makes saints.

  2. Presuming ya’ll are good catholics and don’t already know this: Get some KY Jelly or Astroglide. Sure wish somebody had told ME about it before the wedding night! Makes things a LOT more pleasant…


#15

Whenever I am asked this question at bridal showers, this is the answer I write down:

*When it comes to making love, say “yes” to each other whenever possible. To the wife especially–don’t get into a habit of automatically saying “no” when your husband asks for sex. Women have so many excuses–tiredness, busy with chores, not in the mood, feeling bloated, too upset over something that happened at work, haven’t shaved legs in a week, dinner’s in the oven, have to get this list finished, have to check my email—forget all those things. Forget yourself and think about your husband. Once you actually stop rushing about and doing everything and you lie down with your loving husband–you will be glad you said yes. *

And if there’s time at the shower to write more, here’s what I write:

Avoid the sport of figure skating unless you are willing to be broke all the time and unless you are willing to eat many of your meals in the car with your kids.

Get your whole family involved with the sport of figure skating because it’s the best sport in the world and you will make wonderful memories that are more precious than money or meals in your dining room.

If you hear the words “Deseg Lawsuit” in your city in the same breath with “schools,” MOVE AWAY from that city! Yes, even if your parents live there. Yes, even if all your relatives and friends live there. Yes, even if you have to sell your dream house that you built with your own hands out of materials raised on your own land that’s been in your family for three centuries. Don’t think that everything will get better and that the lawsuit won’t affect you or that your taxes will remain the same and that your schools will still be a great place for children to learn. Just MOVE–get away fast. Escape.


#16

I’m single, but SO MANY of my married male friends have just raised a toast to you for saying this. No, they’re not all sex crazed maniacs, but sex means something different to men than it does to women.

Cat, I’m single, and I say thank you for writing that.


closed #17

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