What age should one be dating? I just had a quarrel with my friend over this


#1

My best friend and I had just had a discussion. I found out the girl I love loves me back (she kissed me on the cheek the other day!). We’re in jr. high school, and both of us agreed that we should date later after we’re in high school. My best friend said I should ask her out now.

So CAF, I got 2 questions for you guys, my elders, to answer.

  1. Is my best friend right, I’m right, or are we both wrong?

  2. What do you thing is the best age to start dating?


#2

The same age you would marry.


#3

[quote="Inquiringperson, post:1, topic:250629"]
My best friend and I had just had a discussion. I found out the girl I love loves me back (she kissed me on the cheek the other day!). We're in jr. high school, and both of us agreed that we should date later after we're in high school. My best friend said I should ask her out now.

So CAF, I got 2 questions for you guys, my elders, to answer.

1) Is my best friend right, I'm right, or are we both wrong?

2) What do you thing is the best age to start dating?

[/quote]

As a 19 year old I won't have the opinion of some one to much older than you. But I recommend around second half of High School is about right. But I would say you can't let things get serious till after your in High School.

I would recommend waiting ofcourse though if you have any doubt that you wouldn't be able to keep not only your actions, but your thoughts pure. Because dating is meant to help you find and know what type of person you want your future spouse to be! But you just can't do anything that you wouldn't want to learn your future spouse did (OR thought!) with/of another person!

So I would say your both right and wrong. Because it depends on the thought process and purity of those involved. If it has chance of leading to sin due to lack of will or mistake on ones part I think its best to wait! :)

Though dating can be fun and carefree! (which it should be!) Just don't let things get to serious and don't be afraid to jump out if things start getting serious! Because your still young!

Also as a side note, in terms of romantacism (not the christian sense of love your neighbor as yourself) I'd be care full in how you use the word "love" It is a very strong word and should only be used in very strong and serious relationships.

Cheers! :D


#4

As long as your sensible then it doesnt really matter (I know people who started seeing each other, nothing sexual, at 8-9 years old and they are together now 20 years later). By dating someone you are just learning whether you can love them as you love both God and yourself. So for me its all about if you are psychologically, emotionally and morally mature enough to go through this process.

Peace, and God bless

Dominic


#5

This is something you should be talking to your parents about.


#6

[quote="Brendan_McCabe, post:2, topic:250629"]
The same age you would marry.

[/quote]

Agreed. Love is patient. Read about chastity and courting. Ignore what our society and the media is throwing in your face. You don't want to get carried away and end up damaged goods, or putting someone else in that state. It's much easier than you might think. Trust me, I know. Protect your (and her) purity with all you've got.

The longer you're single, the better you'll know yourself. The better you know yourself the better you'll be at recognizing the spouse God has planned for you. That is if he doesn't want something else of you.

Didn't mean to ramble, but you should definitely wait. God Bless!


#7

[quote="Brendan_McCabe, post:2, topic:250629"]
The same age you would marry.

[/quote]

this

"Dating" in junior high is a meaningless charade, so to the original poster -- yeah you're right.


#8

[quote="Brendan_McCabe, post:2, topic:250629"]
The same age you would marry.

[/quote]

I agree, but I would qualify that the marriage age has been artificially pumped up in the secular environment of North America, due to a focus on "education", not for the sake of education, or knowledge to glorify God who hath granted us the faculties of reason, but to further the worship of Mammon and materialism. Correct marriage age could be anywhere from 16 to 25, tending towards the middle of that assessment (19-22). As a rule, I would say that it is impermissible, or at least dangerous, to the moral, spiritual, emotional, and psychological faculties, to date at all before 16, and with reservations before 18: that seems to be the age that a relationship has a chance of becoming a marriage, and the age that a relationship has a strong chance of becoming a marriage, respectively, in my opinion and (limited and second-hand) experience.

And, in any case, "dating" must not be carried out with the flippant attitude and casual "relationship" ethos that so permeates secular culture, but should only be engaged in with a serious eye towards marriage, and must remain chaste unto marriage.


#9

[quote="Inquiringperson, post:1, topic:250629"]
We're in jr. high school, and both of us agreed that we should date later after we're in high school.

[/quote]

I think the answer is since both you and this girl both agreed to wait, then it is what you both want and therefor you should wait.

Now, just curious but what do you define as dating? If you walk her home from school, that is OK. If you make plans to go see a movie, that is a date (unless a bunch of other kids go long)

CM


#10

[quote="Kit15, post:5, topic:250629"]
This is something you should be talking to your parents about.

[/quote]

God gave us the family for a reason. It is our parents that should guide us in such decisions, not our friends. Too often, friends are a source of pressure that contradicts not only what we know is right, but can usurp the authority of parents. It is they who will be the source of best advice. This question is one that the Church does not address, but the role of the parent is undisputed.


#11

I think it is something you ought to discuss with a few people.
1) Her. What are her feelings about dating?
2) Your parents. What are their rules and what do they recommend?
3) Her parents, assuming the first two are okay with it. You don't want to be sneaking around.

First relationships are often more difficult, as you're not quite sure what you are comfortable with yet, so I urge you to seek a lot of advice from trusted adults in your life.
It might be useful to decide up front, if you do decide to date, what exactly "dating" entails. Set limits to your relationship and don't break them.

While there are religious reasons to remain pure, there are also great secular reasons to not jump too fast into relationships. You want to make sure that she is a friend first and foremost, and that your relationship is not just superficial. It needs to be built on something stable, so when the first excitement of love fades (I've heard estimates that the early relationship phase lasts about a year or two), it fades into something deeper and more meaningful.

The hard part about dating is allowing both you and your partner to grow, sometimes in different directions. Be careful not to let your relationship overwhelm the rest of your life; it ought to add to it, not take over.

I wish you the best of luck.


#12

I have but one thing to ask, where did you get your wisdom from at such an early age. You are correct, there is plenty of time for dating. Enjoy your childhood for as long as you can. Raising children is too much of a responsibility for teens, and you are most definitely playing with fire kissing and huging can lead to other things. Wait until high school and even then remember that virtue comes first. Be a strong catholic and live up to your morals, and it will surely pay off in a long run. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it.! ;) :thumbsup:


#13

Never.

Wait until you are prepared to be married- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Then COURT- don't date. Dating is an invention of 20th century America, fueled by the automobile and spurred along by the breakdown of the family.

Do you have a vocation to marriage? If not, then no reason to Court (again no reason ever to date). Are you ready to be married? If not, then no reason to Court either.

This sounds very harsh to many in our society. But what is harsh is setting people up for heartache and temptation.

Listen to this:

audiosancto.org/sermon/20040912-Dating-6th-and-9th-Commandments.html

And GOD BLESS!

Pax.


#14

I agree with pnewton and Kit15. The first people you should be consulting about whether or not to be dating at this age are your parents. As a 21 year old female, believe me when I say I wish I would have respected my parent's wishes when it came to dating. They aren't Catholic but even they had more wisdom than I did when I was growing up through the teen years.

In my humble opinion, I think you are very wise in your position. Dating is not the end all, be all of existence. Teens your age can wait. You have plenty of time ;)


#15

Absolutely. We shouldn’t be giving you advice on this situation, we’re not your parents. Every person is different, every parent may feel differently about when you should date. There is nothing wrong though with saying you like someone but both of you are just not comfortable yet with dating and your friend should butt out. That’s peer pressure, don’'t listen to him.


#16

As the mother of 3 grown kids and grandmother of 2 teenage grandkids, I have had lots of experience with teens! Plus, I was one once! I PARTIALLY agree with the person who said "when you are old enough to marry".

I think that during the high school years is a good age for kids to start spending time with the opposite sex in group settings. My grandkids (ages 17 and 15) are allowed to go with groups from their youth group at church to many outings that include both sexes. Of course, the kids develop an interest in specific people and will tend to pair up. However, they always stay with the group at all times.

Alone time with the opposite sex at this age is your ENEMY! Unfortunately biology has made you ready for marriage and reproducing, but our society does not see you as ready for these responsibilities yet. Alone time with a girl or boy you imagine yourself to be "in love" with, will only lead to either: 1) You compromising your standards or 2) Intense emotional frustration when your natural desires must be quashed.

So, wait a couple more years until you are in the middle stages of high school, then date in group situations. One on one dating should be reserved for when you are old enough and mature enough for marriage and have identified someone who you feel could possibly be that special person.

And, by the way, I would describe what you and this young lady are feeling as a "crush", not "love".


#17

[quote="Inquiringperson, post:1, topic:250629"]
]

2) What do you thing is the best age to start dating?

[/quote]

Whenever you feel like it. I was asking out girls when I was 12. Others say being a teenager is too young for dating but trust me, they're completely wrong. I know people that started dating each other in high school that are now married


#18

[quote="Dan_Daly, post:13, topic:250629"]
Never.

Wait until you are prepared to be married- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Then COURT- don't date. Dating is an invention of 20th century America, fueled by the automobile and spurred along by the breakdown of the family.

Do you have a vocation to marriage? If not, then no reason to Court (again no reason ever to date). Are you ready to be married? If not, then no reason to Court either.

This sounds very harsh to many in our society. But what is harsh is setting people up for heartache and temptation.

Listen to this:

audiosancto.org/sermon/20040912-Dating-6th-and-9th-Commandments.html

And GOD BLESS!

Pax.

[/quote]

This. Just because current society tells you that it's "normal" to start "dating" at a young age, does not mean it is good for anyone. Why play around with emotional relationships when you have so much growing up to do? Learn how to be friends with people first, good friends, true friends. Learn how to better love God. You want to focus on God first anyway, and make sure your friends are also focused on God. It's God you need to draw nearer to, not invest your emotions, time, energy, etc. into a one on one relationship. Sure you can have a social life, go out with friends, but don't lock onto one girl and "go steady" or whatever you call it these days.

Find out who you are and what God is calling you to do before you go getting all involved with a girl. And that takes a while.

Please, please, please sit down and have a talk with your parents. They will have lots of perspective on the subject.


#19

There are few things that will get a young man in more trouble than concerning himself with impressing his friends with his love life. Do not even remotely go there. Keep counsel with someone older, someone who has your spiritual welfare first in their minds, and keep your love life private from the rest of them.

If your girlfriends says you're waiting, forget what your friends have to say about it.
Forget about impressing your friends, and concentrate on impressing your parents.


#20

Thanks guys. Anyway, I still say love with the girl I love because we're best friends.


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