[quote="helplesspilgrim, post:1, topic:214334"]
My Wife and I got married roughly two months ago, she is a practicing devout catholic; I am a non-demonination christian desperately looking for answers. We were married in the church and are now happily married with one exception even though I got laid off and we lost our home, forcing us to live with my parents, right before the wedding. NFP is ruining our intimacy. We both waited for sex our entire lives (we are about to be 30). My wife has several medical conditions which require medication which would be harmful and/or deadly to a baby, on top of that the toll on her well being, mental and physical, would be WAY too much on her frail system.
That said we have been following NFP (Billings) and this has resulted in a non-existant sex life, much to both our frustration. The reason being that the medications she takes make it impossible to determine a peak day or a Basic Infertile Pattern. It is a daily source of anxiety and pain for us. Our Instructor is at a lose as to what we should do, sympto-thermal would result in the same issue due to the medication and her health, the various institutes and organizations have been no help, and honestly flat out rude to us. NFP doctors have been no help. And the clergy has a tough luck attitude. I am extremely supportive of her faith, and often go to Mass with her.
What are we supposed to do? Are we doomed to a life of celibacy due to medication (and no she can not change meds)? We are in great despair.
My heart goes out to you. I definitely know how hard it is to be abstainent in marriage. It is so much different than when you're courting. My husband and I had been unable to consumate our marriage for the first two months of our marriage due to a physical condition caused by a pyschological condition. Treatment for it has been very hard to line up with Catholic morality and NFP seemed to make overcoming the problem even harder. My husband is unemployed as well, and after much prayer, I just kept meditating on the Navitity in a very new way and the entire poverty of that situation. Continuing to pray, we just decided it was more important to overcome the problem and be able to consumate our marriage rather than prevent a pregnancy even though we felt we did have a grave reason. We overall are entrusting God with our entire lives with this pregnancy.
You have not been very specific about your wife's health problems. There is one thing to consider though. Say you were using NFP and your wife did become pregnant? Or say you were using a contraceptive and your wife became pregnant? Only total abstainence is 100%, and all married couples are called to accept children as gifts from God. It is one of the purposes of marriage. I can definitely understand having grave reasons to avoid pregnancy and I would urge you to continue to research all the available methods of NFP, possibly Creighton as well and see if you can get her chart sent up to Dr. Hilgers or something. But this will be a process and both of you need to weigh things out and pray about the situation you find yourselves in. And you need to be completely honest with yourself as well.
When I was young, my parents found themselves in a situation similiar to this. Mom was prone to frequent miscarriages, had nearly died in a miscarriage and what I had been told was that my mom had been told after the birth of my youngest brother that she may not survive another pregnancy. Dad eventually did give in and get a vesectomy. Its probably not something I should know about, but for whatever reason my Dad did end up mentioning it to me and I didn't understand why sex couldn't just be given up out of love for your wife. My youngest brother is now 19, and again for whatever reason my Dad maybe a couple years ago admitted to me that I had been partially right and that he'd allowed his lusts to make a gravely immoral decision. He said there would have been more he could have done to make NFP work and to resolve the situation in a moral means, but that he wanted an immediate solution. It was easier for him to just get fatalistic about their situation and to convince himself that he was absolutely trapped.
I'm not saying I don't understand at all. Not having a sex life when your a newlywed is really tough on a marriage. Its been very easy to get down on our situation and say "Well God and the Catholic Church have trapped us." The reality is that God for whatever reason has allowed us to receive a very heavy cross and He is giving us the grace to endure it. Sometimes I get jealous of other people because they seem to have lighter crosses. Sometimes I want to just feel prideful and start wanting a bigger reward for carrying this cross. I want recognition for it.
Pray, pray, pray. This is an big tempting time you're in. Find the path God wants you to go on and do not lose hope.