What classifies as "dishonoring" a parent?


#1

Is one breaking the 4th Commandment by disagreeing with one's parent(s) to the point of argument?

I always thought dishonoring would be to disrespect a parent in thought, word, or deed. For example, calling your mother or father an idiot, stupid, swearing at them, etc. Arguing, however, wouldn't fit this category. Nor would not doing something trivial they asked. But I'm not too sure.


#2

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm


#3

[quote="MarianD, post:1, topic:214770"]
Is one breaking the 4th Commandment by disagreeing with one's parent(s) to the point of argument?

I always thought dishonoring would be to disrespect a parent in thought, word, or deed. For example, calling your mother or father an idiot, stupid, swearing at them, etc. Arguing, however, wouldn't fit this category. Nor would not doing something trivial they asked. But I'm not too sure.

[/quote]

I was just thinking this today. i would love to hear someone clarify..


#4

It seems there are two phases to this relationship. The relationship changes when you become an adult and leave the home.

First, while living with your parents as a dependent and being cared for by them, you are to be obedient.

Second, when you move out, especially if getting married, you heed the call, "leave your mother and father and cling to your husband/wife." You have a duty at this point to start a new life with your spouse. It would be unfair to require your spouse to adhere to the requirements of your parents. Likewise, you would be irritated to be bound to your spouses parents demands. It is time to cut the apron strings.

There is one catch. You must not humiliate or anger your parents, even after moving out. They deserve total respect. You can disagree and in this way grow together. Frank discourse is in a manner showing them ulitmate respect. It means in some cases, you love them enough to help them.

By the way, I know a real case where parents browbeat their children to be obedient even after they are married off. It is painful to watch.


#5

Respecting a parent does not mean unquestioning subservience. For a child it does mean obedience to just commands and admonition, but it does not mean that the child must ribbit when the parent says "frog." If the parent tells the child to do something evil, the child does not need to obey (and should disobey, though if they do obey, their culpability is much less than the parent's).

While the above is part of the Commandment, it is more considered with the care for parents after emancipation. Therefore, even if the parent is not respectible in character, the child can still care for the parents when they have lost some independence, and in this way is fulfilling his or her obligation to respect parents.


#6

So its okay to "argue", but not in a disrespectful way? Many times I just try to keep my mouth shut because I am unsure if I am sinning or not, very hard to do!:p

And while were on the subject, is it a sin to call parent by their first name?


#7

You may, of course, seek to better understand what it is that your parents ask of you by means of debate and questioning, but it should not go so far as to argue in anger. Your duty is to respect your parents authority over you while you are dependent on them and to observe the just rules which they lay down. It does not extend to carrying out acts of evil if they command them, so if your parents told you to go and rob the local gas station, you are not required to obey in any way, although you should do your best to refuse in as sensible a manner as possible.

As for your naming conventions within your family - well it would be out of the ordinary to address your parents by their first names, but if it is acceptable and your parents are completely ok with it, then it's certainly not a prescribed sin. On the other hand, if you were to speak to your father using his first name against his wishes, then yes, you would be guilty of a sin of disrespect.


#8

thanks for clarifying! :)


closed #9

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