What do I do about living arrangements?


#1

I graduate soon and although I have a temporary summer job it doesn't pay enough for me to live on my own so I have to live with my dad. I want to stay where I am (because of my parish, work, and my friends being up here) so this works for me. But there's also a huge potential problem that I really want to avoid but really can't.

My dad tends to be controlling, depressing, and difficult to live with. He is a nice person overall but has these issues that make it very difficult for me to be around him for long periods of time, not more than a couple of hours. I stayed on-campus for summer 2009 and winter break 2009/2010 because I simply did not want to go home and live with my dad. It's not that he's a bad person but he is controlling, depressing, and he's the type of person who really just has a bad, negative, and pessimistic attitude. It was refreshing and very helpful to be out of that environment and I really don't want to go back because I know it'll be bad and I know that I am better off not being around him that often.

Living with him will likely entail him trying—overtly or otherwise—to curtail my movements, belittle me when he's angry, get upset when I go out often and do things (since, to be blunt, I have a social life and unfortunately he does not), and likely make it hard for me to live my life. I'm afraid based on previous experience that it will be constricting and crushing. He got upset with me today because I told him I didn't have time to come by his place because of finals and he asked, upset, why I attended two Masses this morning if I'm busy (because I am in the choir and have to be there for both of them). But since I want to stay in Chicago and still be involved in my parish, be close to my friends, and still be able to enjoy the city it feels like I don't have much of a choice. I feel that once I live with him getting out of there will be extremely difficult as I fear he might doing whatever he can to force me to stay, either through anger or attempts to gain pity from me.

I could certainly solve this by getting a long-term job and a place of my own but I haven't found anything yet so that's not a possibility. If I did I wouldn't even consider living with my dad again.

Now my mom who lives six hours south of me has offered, on numerous occasions, for me to live with her. This would be an excellent arrangement because it would place me in a very loving, warm, caring environment that I could really use. The only downside—the only one—is that it is so far away from everything and everyone I know and it would be hard for me (I think) to do it (despite the fact that my therapist noted that I am able to make these drastic changes without much pain...although this might be different because of the bond I have with my friends). She also suggested I could live with my sister and her boyfriend (the issue of cohabitation, yes...) but I haven't considered that much either. My sister said initially she was opposed because I don't like their living arrangement, she worried it was too far from my job, and that they didn't have room.

Now there is also a local priest who rents space to students in the rectory of the church, but I don't know if I can afford the room and board charge nor if I could meet the various stipulations he requires of boarders.

So basically I'm stuck. I need a place to stay, don't have one other than with my dad, and I really don't think living with him is a wise idea. But I don't know where or what to do.

What does everyone think?


#2

Well, at this point, I’m sure you hate my posts and probably me as well, :wink: but I hope you understand that by posting in a forum, you invite everyone to answer.

You’ve answered your own question. Get a job. If you need to take another one, do that. I know of people who worked 3 jobs in order to have the independance that living on your own provides. Work harder. Get out more. Cut back.

There ya go.


#3

Do what I did. I joined the military for my exit ticket and kept going. Earned a living. Earned an education. Moved across the globe.

Check out the Air Force or Navy. You can chose your own field.


#4

I have prior medical conditions that might prevent me. Plus I know I’m not cut-out for that. But I think I’m going to apply for government jobs :thumbsup:


#5

[quote="LotusCarsLtd, post:4, topic:197001"]
I have prior medical conditions that might prevent me. Plus I know I'm not cut-out for that. But I think I'm going to apply for government jobs :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Not a bad idea considering the way things are going. I'm in a similar boat career wise.


#6

[quote="Nec5, post:5, topic:197001"]
Not a bad idea considering the way things are going. I'm in a similar boat career wise.

[/quote]

I hope I find something. How difficult are they to get for recent graduates?


#7

What about getting a roommate? That way the rent/bills will be split in half.


#8

I agree about getting more than one job to earn more money.

Also, sell anything you have of value to raise some funds. E-Bay or Craig's list could be your friends.

Also, I agree about getting roommates. Because of your low funds, you may end up in the tiniest corner attic room of an old house that a lot of guys are renting. But hey, it's your own space and you're on your own away from your dad and his problems, and that's cool.

Keep looking for a job. Have you considered looking somewhere far away from your hometown? A lot of people limit their chances of finding work because they refuse to move.


#9

[quote="Cat, post:8, topic:197001"]
I agree about getting more than one job to earn more money.

[/quote]

Maybe. As of right now I wouldn't have the cash anyway for rent deposits, etc.

Also, I agree about getting roommates. Because of your low funds, you may end up in the tiniest corner attic room of an old house that a lot of guys are renting. But hey, it's your own space and you're on your own away from your dad and his problems, and that's cool.

The huge problem for me is uncertainty. If I couldn't find a salaried job the income would be far too unstable and I really don't know if I would make enough to survive.

Keep looking for a job. Have you considered looking somewhere far away from your hometown? A lot of people limit their chances of finding work because they refuse to move.

I have, but I am still VERY reluctant to consider it (although I keep applying).


#10

Get a roommate and a second job waiting tables?


closed #11

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