What do I do about wedding night phobia?

My fiancé and I are devoted Catholics, we follow the Church’s teachings as best as we can. In the five years we have been dating, we have never participated in any sexual act. In comparison to most young adults in today’s society, we hardly have a physical relationship at all.

We are getting married and I am getting nervous about having a physical relationship, especially expressing conjugal love. It may sound weird, but I am almost so afraid that it will hurt, or that it will be weird for us, that I am ruining the excitement for the wedding night. I don’t know what has gotten into me because we have discussed being excited and being ready to express our love for each other in this way. It is only all of a sudden that I have this phobia.

I don’t want this fear to ruin our wedding night! I feel ready and I love my fiancé and I know we are meant to be together, so how can I overcome this issue?

There is a reason why mothers and daughters talked before the wedding night, and it wasn’t necessarily because the daughter was unaware of the physical actions expected of her within marriage. Many people like to think that our chaste ancestors went into marriage oblivious to how their bodies were supposed to work and that is why they needed a “birds and the bees” talk right before the wedding. On the contrary, it is more likely that such talks allowed nervous brides and grooms to ask delicate questions and to share their fears of what was to come with their parents, who could then offer support and wisdom. I recommend that you discuss your concerns and fears with your mother or another older married woman whose judgment you trust. If you continue to need further assistance, you may wish to speak with the priest or deacon preparing you for marriage and with your doctor.

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