What do I do when my husband doesn't want children?

I have been married for one year, and my husband and I started our marriage by using the pill. When I heard it was a sin, I quickly stopped using it, but my husband didn’t really want to. I put my foot down and did my best to teach him about NFP. He reluctantly agreed. I have really been desiring a child lately, but my husband says no way and states all these selfish reasons why…“we can’t afford it” “I’m not ready” “lets wait another year and see what happens” and on and on.

I’m really sad that we don’t give ourselves fully in our marriage as we should. He will start getting intimate with me, then stop and ask if we are in the “no no time.” I don’t want to be dishonest and say no if I know we are, but he will stop being intimate and go to sleep, or leave the room, or whatever. I need to know what I should do. I’m I obligated morally to tell my husband I think I can get pregnant during a certain time? Or is it perfectly OK for me to have sex with him even though I know I could get pregnant and he doesn’t want that. He wouldn’t be angry if I did get pregnant, and he would be a wonderful father…he is just scared. Please help!

Dear S,

I would not deceive him. This is a very serious matter and should have been dealt with long before the wedding. When a child is conceived against the will of the father, the child is born into a troubled home. Be careful that your certitude about his not wanting children “out of fear” is not your own wishful thinking.
Most “good fathers” want children. I suggest that you get the book “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It can be purchased through catholic.com or by phone: 888 291 8000.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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