What do I do with a grown daughter who wants to live in my home with her boyfriend?

Our daughter moved from home at age 21. She met a young man, aged 21, and they begin living together. She will be 23 this June. She came back home, along with her boyfriend, and they feel they have the right to share the same room. My wife and I asked our monsignor about the situation. He said if they want to live together in an unmarried state they should live in their own home, and that if they live in our home that it gives a bad image. I am totally in agreement with Monsignor. My wife is saying that this arrangement is okay so long as it is okay with us. I told my wife that, by allowing this, she is not obeying the Church and is promoting unhealthy morals. Can you enlighten me on this issue?

You and your wife should never have allowed your daughter to move back in until you and your wife had first agreed on the conditions to which you would both insist that your daughter abide by as a condition of living in your home. Now you have a mess on your hands because your daughter and her boyfriend have now taken up residence in your home, and you and your wife disagree on the appropriateness of such an arrangement.

I agree with your priest that your daughter and her boyfriend should not be living together in your home; but, unless you are willing to override your wife (and risk alienating her and straining your marriage), you may have to live with the situation for the time being. Rather than arguing with your wife over the morality of your daughter’s lifestyle, I recommend focusing on insisting that you and your wife sit down with your daughter and draw up an “exit plan” (i.e., a plan for her and her boyfriend to move out) – not solely because you disagree with your daughter’s life choices but because she is an adult and it is in her own best interests that she be self-supporting and no longer dependent upon her parents.

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