What do I do?


Okay a few weeks ago my sister wanted me to meet her so I could give her some video games. She doesn’t live where I live but about 45 minutes away. However my mom said I can’t go because I don’t have enough driving experience. She wouldn’t even come with me so I didn’t go and my sister got mad at me. She said that I take the “obey your father and mother” commandment too literally. She even said that our sister who is a nun said that what I did wasn’t right. Today our friend’s niece is having a birthday party and my mom wouldn’t let me go cuz she doesn’t like our friend. My sister is even more mad at me now and I’m just totally confused. Is it right ti disobey my mom to go see a friend that I love or no? Please respond.


Obedience to parents depends on a lot of different factors:

How old are you exactly?

Are you financially dependent on your parents (obviously you’re still living with them, but do you have a job or anything?)

When your mother says things like that you don’t have enough driving experience - do you agree with her on that?

Does she actually give you reasons why, for example, she doesn’t like your friend?

And what do you think of those reasons if so?

Does she maybe have a point and that’s why you obey her?


I’m 17. I am financially dependent on her. I don’t agree with her that I don’t have enough driving experience in fact I feel I’m a better driver when I drive alone. She said she doesn’t like our friend because she’s a gypsy (which is not true at all she only says that because she’s from Romania.) I think it’s a stupid thing to say and I even told her that I don’t like it when she says that stuff. I don’t think she has a point I just obeyed her because I thought that I would be obeying God.


Being so young, and being that your mother isn’t asking you to do anything sinful, I’d say you’re well within your rights to be obedient and that you shouldn’t be criticised for it. On the contrary I think God is pleased with us when we are obedient in difficult circumstances.

On the other hand it’s highly unlikely that you’d be sinning if you disobeyed in either circumstance. You’re entitled to some independence of thought and action at your age.

About the driving - as a young driver it’s very easy to overestimate your capabilities, so I’d be inclined to trust Mum on that one since she has more experience.


Alright thank you! :smiley:



It’s really hard to give advice when we don’t know you, your family, or your cultural background. It’s difficult to know if your mom is overreacting, or has a valid concern abut your driving.

I do think that your sister is wrong; she is encouraging you to disobey a parent on whom you depend for support. Your sister, the nun, may or may not have agreed with her. At any rate, the sister who wanted the video games sounds as if she is being selfish.

Whose friend is this Romanian woman? Does your mother know her well? How close is she to you? Is there any particular reason (other than she is Romanian, which would indicate prejudice) that your mother may have for not liking her?

Lots of unanswered questions, and it’s difficult to make a call.


Your mom has a valid point.

She wouldn’t even come with me so I didn’t go and my sister got mad at me.

Why is she mad at you? :confused: It was your mom’s decision and your mom didn’t allow you to go, because of a reason. I assume you don’t own a car yet, so you would have essentially stolen your mom’s car. Also, what would have happened if you would have gotten into an accident?

If your sis has a problem, you should tell her to take it to your mom, after all you’re still a minor.

Plus: if your sis wants a game from you, why doesn’t she come and get it? She wants something from you, not the other way around.

Today our friend’s niece is having a birthday party and my mom wouldn’t let me go cuz she doesn’t like our friend.

That’s over the top imo. If your friend would be involved in criminal activities or so, I would understand that, but simply because she doesn’t like her? http://www.cosgan.de/images/smilie/konfus/a050.gif I would argue with her about that.


Well first of all I’ve driven to where my sister lives many times and I even drove to another state an hour and a half away but not alone. My sis told me that our sister the nun disagreed with me. Also the only reason that my mom doesn’t like our Romanian friend is because I think she used to practice witchcraft and stuff like worshiping nature or whatever. But my mom just keeps on judging her and saying that its her fault the way my sister acts. And I’m close to our Romania friend and my mom is totally wrong.


Oh buddy my sister gets mad at me for not feeding the dogs on time so this is nothing new. You know I gotta agree with you I think one of the reasons I didn’t steal my mom’s car and see my sis is because if someone would ask me why I did that the truth would be that I didn’t want to make my sister angry. She’s really controlling and I only want Jesus to control me.


I think that while it’s possible that your mom is not judging this other person accurately, you are obligated to obey her in this situation. You are still a minor and in her care, and financially so as well. And while it’s possible she’s being a little unreasonable, she’s not asking you to do something sinful. Once you reach adulthood, then obedience is not always necessary (although it might still be wise for an 18 year old to obey their parents, or at least take their concerns very seriously). You’re close to adulthood, but not quite there yet, so don’t jump the gun. And your mom does have life experiences and perspectives that might give her some insight that you’re not seeing. Work on understanding where your mom is coming from and try to discuss your disagreements calmly. By showing her that you respect her authority, even when you disagree, you will make her more likely to trust you and more likely to listen to you as an adult. It’s unfortunate that your sister is mad at you for this - it’s like you’re being pulled in two directions. But your obligation, particularly because you’re still a minor, is to obey your parents, not please your sister.


Thank you that’s what I keep on hearing.


To me it sounds like a really dysfunctional family relationship where your sister is trying to pin you against your mom and your mom is trying to keep you from your sister’s influence.

Speak to your other sister (who’s a nun) independently and without your other sister’s intervention. If she’s encouraging you to disobey (bar any background that we haven’t heard of) she’s not going to remain a nun for long. I have a feeling she might be bending to sister “A” wishes and attitude simply to keep harmony.

closed #13

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.