What do I say to my cousin who is pregnant through IVF?

That is basicly part and partial of IVF. Children almost always die in the process. But of course it is otherwise gravely wrong under natural moral law. And what the persons religious community may say does not change the objective wrongness of the actions.

Just as in the case of a racist religious community who thinks that it is ok to kill persons of a particular race or to beat them…such does not change the objective nature of the evil involved.

The answer is in acts of love and charity.

How about “Congratulations” and “I love you and am praying for you, your husband, and your baby!”

You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

Do children die during the natural process of impregnation?

I would not say “congratulations” -but love the child when he comes -focus on him and love the parents.

No. (unless you mean a miscarriage between conception and implantation).

And the action during IVF are direct abortions. The direct killing of the little human persons by bigger human persons.

Further reading:


From Catholic Answers:

What is the official position of the Catholic Church with regard to in vitro fertilization (IVF)?

There is a whole mess of problems with IVF, and some techniques are worse than others. Some, for example, collect the germ cells from the wrong people (i.e., who are not married to each other) or collect them in a morally illicit manner. Some also produce large numbers of children who are either allowed to die or who are frozen indefinitely.

The least objectionable version would be homologous (married-couple) IVF where the germ cells are collected from married parents in a morally licit manner and everything is done to protect the life of the child or children thus conceived. However, even this form of IVF is immoral.

In its instruction Donum Vitae, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) explains that “the Church remains opposed from the moral point of view to homologous in vitro fertilization. Such fertilization is in itself illicit and in opposition to the dignity of procreation and of the conjugal union, even when everything is done to avoid the death of the human embryo.”

The CDF also notes, “Although the manner in which human conception is achieved with IVF and ET [embryo transplant] cannot be approved, every child who comes into the world must in any case be accepted as a living gift of the divine goodness and must be brought up with love.”


Love the child and the parents…truth with charity…and with prudence and gentleness.

Its ironic that if she were to confess this act, God would forgive, and that only God can know what is in a person’s heart…but you seem to feel you know her heart, and therefore would not offer congratulations, indicating that even if she is in a state of grace with the Lord, she’s still not in a state of grace with you…unless there is another reason for your contemptuous attitude towards her?

On the upside, holding her in contempt, without giving her the benefit of the doubt, if we believe the Beatitudes presented by Christ in his Sermon on the Mount, puts her closer rather than farther from the heart of Christ.

So, fine, don’t congratulate her!

I think you need to read all my posts. :slight_smile:

There was never ever any contemptuous attitude. Please go back and read them all…thanks.


Don’t need to read all of them to view “I would not say congratulations” as at best, thinly veiled contempt. Nothing personal, just my opinion.

A very unfounded one. Please read them.

I would not also say “congratulations” to a couple who are having a baby via fornication. Though I would love them and love the baby and support them in their new role as parents if such is part of my relationship with them.

Even if the couple thought they were doing a very good thing out of love - that it was perfectly moral to engage in relations…

I also would not say “congratulations” to a woman who is having a baby from an adulterous relationship…*but again love her and the child… *


Well, as the only one on this thread to have had a child through IVF I thought I might comment. I have some idea of what distress your cousin went through to get this far and of her pure joy at having achieved a pregnancy. Reading some of the posts I felt my hackles raising… so no, don’t chastise them for their ‘sin’ if you see it as that…even if you ‘changed their minds’ now, where would that get them? And you would NOT be received well if you gave them a morality lesson right now, I can assure you! It would appear that you saw their new much loved baby as something wrong and condemned.
Thankfully other posters just advised love, unconditional love. Isn’t it great that they’re having a baby?!

For your information, I had no abortion in the process. 3 fertilised eggs were achieved and had the equal chance/hope of success…we nearly had twins, but one very happy one survived. Coincidentally, I had a friend naturally pregnant with triplets at the same time. One miscarried or reabsorbed early and she had twins.

You say “congratulations!” The bun in the oven is a done deal, and no less a child of God than anyone else who is pre-born.

Does one say congratulations when a woman is pregnant with a child through adultery?



Because such can be said to be approving of the whole.

As the Catechism notes:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;

  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;

  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;

  • by protecting evil-doers.


Same here. Even though the couple were thinking honestly they were doing a good.

So instead of “congratulating” the couple on being pregnant - –

Rather one loves the parents and the child…and when the child is born -says perhaps things such as “oh what a cute baby!” …“he is such a joy”…etc.

Focusing on the little person before ones eyes…

Not a Catholic Canonical requirement that would only apply to Catholics…


Criticizing them on the announcement of the Blessed Event would not only be ineffective but would just harm things and push them farther from The Church. A better way would be to

I am not saying necessarily criticizing them on the announcement - at that time (it may very well be ineffective yes-persons are not open often at such times to any such news). Please read all my posts.

It is one thing to judge the time is not right to say anything. And another to choose ones words and actions carefully so as love the child and the parents - but not show approval of the immoral means.

Either way, if you openly condemn or say nothing, you are making a judgment, because silence becomes your chosen method of condemnation.

Maybe you can find something in the CCC to contradict me, but this doesn’t seem to be in keeping with Christ’s teaching on charity for our neighbors.

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