What do women want?


#1

In terms of the man's career. On the one hand, a lot of women want their man to be ambitious and a good provider for the future family. On the other hand, women want their man to be a family man and be a good husband and father. Many Catholic women want to stay at home when they have kids, making it a one-income family.

To me, those are contradictory requirements. In today's society, if a man wants to be successful, then he would have to work hard and work long hours, which will come in direct conflict with time for family life. It is inconceivable to me that some women, Catholic women included, want the perfect man, who's successful, rich, ambitious, and yet has lots of time to devote to being a great husband and father. Now, my question is - undoubtedly those men exist, but they're far and few in between, so what do YOU have to offer to have that man to want to be with you?


#2

There are as many answers as there are women. It doesn't matter what women want.

It matters what the woman who is right for you wants. And, the woman who is right for you will have the same views and ideas about work and family life that you do.


#3

For years I thought there was a formula to dating, and maybe there is one for surface level relationships. When something I did on a first date with one woman bothered her to the point that there was no second date, I'd make a note of it. In avoiding doing that thing in a first date with another woman, it annoyed her to the point that there was no second date with her either.

In retrospect I feel ashamed that I approached women as a problem to be solved rather than just trying to get to know people who happen to be women. Even in trying to be respectful I was in a sense being objectifying. I wish I knew how such a bad idea got planted in my head.

Anyway I'm still single, so I don't have any positive advice for you. No reason for you to make the same mistakes I did, though.


#4

[quote="DATING_101, post:1, topic:246655"]
To me, those are contradictory requirements. In today's society, if a man wants to be successful, then he would have to work hard and work long hours, which will come in direct conflict with time for family life.

[/quote]

You raise a VERY good point. It is the sad truth that in today's world people work so hard there is no time left for family.

So what does this woman want. I will tell you. A man who is realistic (like you were) that you can not do it all and is willing to pay for domestic help instead of fancy toys.

If a man has to mow the lawn for example, that is time away from work and family. A man who hires someone to do the lawn then has that time for family.

A woman who feels overwhelmed needs to rest. A man who would pay for a baby sitter is precious as opposed to a man who thinks 'well if you are just going to watch TV then why do you need a sitter'

CM


#5

[quote="cmscms, post:4, topic:246655"]
You raise a VERY good point. It is the sad truth that in today's world people work so hard there is no time left for family.

So what does this woman want. I will tell you. A man who is realistic (like you were) that you can not do it all and is willing to pay for domestic help instead of fancy toys.

If a man has to mow the lawn for example, that is time away from work and family. A man who hires someone to do the lawn then has that time for family.

A woman who feels overwhelmed needs to rest. A man who would pay for a baby sitter is precious as opposed to a man who thinks 'well if you are just going to watch TV then why do you need a sitter'

CM

[/quote]

This, and thumbs way up for hired help! Someone else can mow the lawn, pull the weeds, etc.!


#6

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:246655"]
There are as many answers as there are women. It doesn't matter what women want.

It matters what the woman who is right for you wants. And, the woman who is right for you will have the same views and ideas about work and family life that you do.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

If you are wanting a family and a good wife begin praying for your future wife now. You will never find an answer to this question by thinking in terms of "what do women want"

No other man, other than my husband, has a clue as to what I wanted. He alone knows that answer and I am grateful that God found him for me. For in all honesty this woman wanted that man.

Look for a woman who wants what you have to offer and who in turn has within her love to give you want and need. Each couple is different.


#7

:clapping: Exactly!


#8

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:246655"]
There are as many answers as there are women. It doesn't matter what women want.

It matters what the woman who is right for you wants. And, the woman who is right for you will have the same views and ideas about work and family life that you do.

[/quote]

Yes. You don't find the best wife by being something you're not. You become the best version of yourself, you are honest and expect honesty, and then, with some prudence, you'll attract a woman right for you.

Honestly, OP, if you make yourself into the best spouse and parent material that is natural to you to be, you will have to concern yourself more about not attracting the wrong one (the one who wants you for selfish reasons) than putting off the right one.


#9

I'm gonna answer your question by answering the generic question of "What do women want?"

...Who knows, anymore. :shrug:


#10

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


#11

[quote="Binary, post:3, topic:246655"]
For years I thought there was a formula to dating, and maybe there is one for surface level relationships. When something I did on a first date with one woman bothered her to the point that there was no second date, I'd make a note of it. In avoiding doing that thing in a first date with another woman, it annoyed her to the point that there was no second date with her either.

In retrospect I feel ashamed that I approached women as a problem to be solved rather than just trying to get to know people *who happen to be women*. Even in trying to be respectful I was in a sense being objectifying. I wish I knew how such a bad idea got planted in my head.

Anyway I'm still single, so I don't have any positive advice for you. No reason for you to make the same mistakes I did, though.

[/quote]

You are a wise man. May God grant you success in your search for a holy wife.


#12

As I posted in another thread: This reminds me of a Star Trek:TNG episode where Picard tells Data “I’d be delighted to give you advice on understanding women. When I have some I’ll let you know.”


#13

[quote="Blacksword, post:5, topic:246655"]
This, and thumbs way up for hired help! Someone else can mow the lawn, pull the weeds, etc.!

[/quote]

No, once the kids are old enough to help, Dad can spend Daddy time with them doing the chores. If you pay for "hired help," you are teaching the kids that someone else will always be there to do the "dirty work," and that they are above such work.


#14

[quote="jesusp4p1, post:10, topic:246655"]
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[/quote]

Yeah, good luck with that attitude.

:mad:


#15

I don't know about "women," but I can tell you what I would be advising my daughters if I had any.

What you "want," is less important than what you NEED, which is a man who will help you get to Heaven. You NEED a man who is looking more at Christ than at you, even though your vanity will be somewhat insulted about that. You should try to be the woman that such a man will see as a possible partner. Be sure he has work, but that he is not married to his work, because if he is, you will forever be the mistress, not the wife. He can love his work, and enjoy his work, and get a lot of satisfaction from his work, and not be WEDDED to his work or be addicted to it. See where God falls in his life, if God is below his work, he's not the man for you.

Does he give God the glory for his talents that are expressed through his work? Or is it all about him and his efforts? Some men try to take all the credit for their success, when really it is God's path they follow or God's help they have enjoyed. Of course he can be proud of himself for his work, but he should also be humble.

Be very careful if a man is too concerned with acquiring lots of money. He is in danger of making money into his God. Both very wealthy people and very poor people can be guilty of this same sin. With wealth comes great temptations.

Always look at his inner character. What does he choose to do when no one is looking? That is a good indicator for what sort of man he really is. Does he honor God when it profits him nothing?


#16

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:246655"]
There are as many answers as there are women. It doesn't matter what women want.

It matters what the woman who is right for you wants. And, the woman who is right for you will have the same views and ideas about work and family life that you do.

[/quote]

This is the truth....and letting God define you and continue to form you, with your cooperation, will attract the woman you would want to be with. Oh, and most of us(women) all want to feel that we can be ourselves and communicate with our spouses in a way that lets us be ourselves.


#17

When you find the right woman and you finally understand what she wants, she will change her mind :)

My husband is a workaholic. Traveled a lot and worked late every night. When he was home, he focused on the kids. They would help with different projects around the house. Even my daughter can shoot a gun, drive the tractor and split wood. You can still work many hours and be a good parent. A lot harder to be a good parent and good husband.

We use to have a cleaning lady to help with the housework since my husband was not available to help and the kids were a handful.

Every woman is different. You need to discuss things before getting married but realize that circumstances can change. Like you both may have decided that your wife will go back to work after the first child then she holds that precious little baby and decides she wants to stay home.

Don't try to change for a woman. You will end up resenting her for it.


#18

Dear DATING 101. You've been gettings heaps upon heaps of good advice here.

Let me throw something in from the point of view of cold hard logic. You were speaking of contradictions. You have an actual contradiction when the same woman wants two things that exclude each other. You have a real contradiction when that woman simply doesn't know whatever she wants, rather than merely wishing she could have both the material means and a man home (which is not exactly a contradiction on her part, since she doesn't wish for two things that are strictly, mutually exclusive by their nature, but she's simply at odds with tough reality). But anyway, when one woman wants this and ther other wants that, there's no contradiction because that's two different women. Would you like for all of them to be exactly the same as each other?

You will need to find one who understands. That is, understands that there are trade-offs in life and you can't have all the things you'd wish for, but generally, simply, understands. From that point you can work out the rest unless you're radically not on the same page as to how much time together versus material means (/career/social position/whatever).

[quote="Binary, post:3, topic:246655"]
In retrospect I feel ashamed that I approached women as a problem to be solved rather than just trying to get to know people who happen to be women. Even in trying to be respectful I was in a sense being objectifying. I wish I knew how such a bad idea got planted in my head.

[/quote]

Yeah, I've started just getting to know them of late, without pressure etc., and sort of letting life take its course. On the other hand, I still solve them because problems a problem's got to be solved. :p Just kidding. :p

[quote="cmscms, post:4, topic:246655"]
If a man has to mow the lawn for example, that is time away from work and family. A man who hires someone to do the lawn then has that time for family.

A woman who feels overwhelmed needs to rest. A man who would pay for a baby sitter is precious as opposed to a man who thinks 'well if you are just going to watch TV then why do you need a sitter'CM

[/quote]

Good point, plus, men are different from each other and I'm sure women understand this when they grow up, although sometimes with difficulty. Generally, most women probably understand you can't be the 80-hours-a-week carreer man, followed by delivering all the repairs around the house by his very hand (how manly), somehow managing to spend a few hours with the kids, then having time (and strength and eagerness) for romance, in addition to preferably a couple of duties at the parish or local community. This is a pretty individual, personal equation, so you basically need to find someone you click with (talking to the OP right now). Cultural differences, types of education and other background etc. may have very much to do with it.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:8, topic:246655"]
Yes. You don't find the best wife by being something you're not. You become the best version of yourself, you are honest and expect honesty, and then, with some prudence, you'll attract a woman right for you.

Honestly, OP, if you make yourself into the best spouse and parent material that is natural to you to be, you will have to concern yourself more about not attracting the wrong one (the one who wants you for selfish reasons) than putting off the right one.

[/quote]

Why am I babbling anyway. EJ told you what you need to know.

If this is any consolation, 101, I worked until 6 a.m. on Saturday. And then until 11 p.m. On the other hand, I can go on a holiday whenever I want and my cash balance allows. Tried looking into running your own business? Chicks dig it. I guess.


#19

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:13, topic:246655"]
No, once the kids are old enough to help, Dad can spend Daddy time with them doing the chores. If you pay for "hired help," you are teaching the kids that someone else will always be there to do the "dirty work," and that they are above such work.

[/quote]

You raise a good point. There is give and take. But it still doesn't change the fact that there are only so many hours in day. Sure, if I had kids they would see hired help doing some of the stuff other mom's do themselves. However, they would also see a mom who wears only second hand clothes.


#20

[quote="chevalier, post:18, topic:246655"]
Tried looking into running your own business? Chicks dig it. I guess.

[/quote]

Wrong !!!!! nothing turns me off more than a man who owns his onw business. But then again, I am a woman not a chick ;)

As much as I know you can not paint everyone with the same brush, these are my immediate thoughs when I find out a man owns his business

1-) The reason most men want to go into business for themsleves is because they do NOT want to take orders from a boss. I will never be silly enough to believe such a man could co-operate with a woman

2-) The more years a man has invested in his business, the more he is attached to it. In hard times, he will do ANYTHING to save his business which equates to time away from the family. And if it does go bankrupt he looses everything even the family home.

3-) All business people learn to develop a charisma to attract customers. He might be a good actor and just nice on the outside

I am not saying they are al like that. I am just so scared he would be I would never date him
CM


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