I will try to make this short and to the point. In spite of my feelings of loss I had a really beautiful Christmas. My story goes like this I am the oldest girl of 9 and when I was almost 18 my father was murdered and with that my college hopes went down the drain, because I stayed home with mom to help with the kids. I did almost everything for them and that is where I seemed to have lost my place among them. That was 26 years ago and along with that we lost our mother 16 years ago, both of my parents where gone while in their forties so needless to say that for some of us in our forties it almost seems like the end is near. I pray and stay close to Jesus for my sanity. I have spent the best part of my like trying to keep this family together and while I am not a perfect person I have come to accept all for each of them are and it has helped alot, the problem seems that they cannot accept me as one of them. No stops by or calls or invites me anywhere, except showers and weddings etc… At the risk of sounding like a martyr I am really on interested in maybe a weekly coffee conversation or maybe a monthly dinner thing going instead I get whatever. There is much more to this story I just cannot get into it because of it’s length.
I decided that I would cease attending all of my immediate family functions and disconnect. I am thinking that I need to get away and think while outside of the box and maybe that would help me help them. You see God has graced me with not needing them He has given my many good friends and extended family, my problem is that I love them and want to be a part of what was once my family. I have alot of very hurt feelings inside of me and wanted to leave them at the foot of the cross, but I don’t know what exactly that means, and that is where I need your help. So if anyone out there can add to this I would greatly appreciate it.
PS: I guess the bottom line is I don’t feel very loved by them and I know that is not true and I want to get rid of that feeling.
Thanks and God Bless