Today I was FUMING with the wife where my anger got the best of me today.
Historically throughout my 8 year marriage, my wife has issues with the fact that I am not a 50/50 *partner *and that she carries a majority of the work and it causes her tons of stress.
Knowing that my scattered brain has been a curse throughout my life, I decided to get it checked out and the doctor said after a day of brain tests…yep, you have A.D.D. So, I get put on medication and am learning how my brain works so that I can develop skills that I should have learned as a child. Slowly but surely, it is working, though not as fast as my wife would like.
Am I a 50/50 partner - yes and no. She does a majority of the housework, but I don’t sit around while she works, I will normally do stuff like give the kids a bath, get them ready for bed, will get them ready in the morning to take them to daycare, which can include making their lunches, breakfast, yada yada yada. I do this without complaint because THAT’s MY JOB.
Am I as pro-active about housework as she is? No, but I do ask her what I can do when I don’t know where I should start. Her reaction will normally be, “don’t you know what to do?”
When I bring up the fact that I am the one taking care of the outside of the house, she will say “That’s just seasonal”. She also seems to not take into account that I am a very handy person who when repainting a room, likes to put crown molding up. Ask anyone who has done it - it’s not easy to make it look nice. My handiwork also made her a craft room in our basement complete with two craft counters, tons of storage drawers, and even a peg board supported system of trays to house her multitude of scrapbooking paper. Also, when she wanted a place under the stairs to store her home-making stuff (she can outdo Martha Stewart at times), I gladly installed custom built shelves that I verfied can hold over 250 pounds - I won’t tell you how though.
So, I am at my wits end and insisted on marriage counseling and in one of our sessions, the phrase slips out…I want him to act like man, not a child. Which is something that she said many times before.
That just floored me, but later in the evening I didn’t get REALLY angry until she was complaining of back problems, was in pain and I was the one getting her heating pad and tucking her in bed…like childen always do to their parents. I really don’t want to talk to her at this point and really don’t care if she doesn’t want to talk to me.
Prayer has been constant, at least on my part, and I am even learning how to pray constantly, as my daily prayer often looks as if it is out of “Fiddler on the Roof”. Also, my sense of humor is my best ally. For example, if the husband’s role is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, what Station of the Cross am I on? Are her comments the scourging? ARE WE THERE YET?
I have had my thoughts on divorce and anullments and thought about what Jesus taught. Allthough at times I wish I can just end it all, divorce isn’t an option. However if she gets sick of me and leaves, I will take Jesus’ example and just let her leave, I will not convince her to stay.
If this is the wrong attitude to have, please let me know.