What do you say to someone who says that they think you're choosing Catholicism because you have a low self-esteem?


Stop talking to him about it. You don’t need his approval.

If he brings it up again, tell him that it isn’t up for discussion and he needs to start respecting your boundaries and your decisions even if he doesn’t agree with them.


I say: “That’s good. We ought to have low self-esteem.”


Your friend sounds like he’s full of a bunch of bull-cookies


I was in the military and no offense taken.

Like your suggestion.


Laugh at him.

Or maybe just smile.


I used to be part of a group of ‘friends’ that openly mocked Christians and blasphemed when they knew I was one. I don’t see them any more lol and don’t miss them. Basically ‘atheists’ know in their souls that God is real and they are terrified to face him because it will mean changing their lives and confessing Jesus as Lord in a largely secular society (where we live). It touches a raw nerve so it’s easier for them to mock it. This is what is happening with your friend. Pray for him


I know what I’d say, but it would just get deleted if I posted it.


Probably has some truth. “Blessed are the poor in Spirit.” What’s the alternative? Pleasing the world?


Friends respect each other, this person does not seem to be your friend.


I’d tell him there is a difference between low self-esteem and humility. I choose to be humble and accept God’s plan rather than the way of the world, which is to place yourself above or removed from God.


If you do not understand what I meant by what I wrote, then you need to read it again.

Doing something for someone who was truly your friend involving a sin is an oxymoron. Just as committing a crime would be an oxymoron.


That’s a good distinction to make. Low self-esteem is probably just shame which is the flip side of pride. Both of those are harmful. But I think that low self-esteem is better in some ways in a world such as ours because it can make us more malleable, more open to answers, more open to humility.


You missed the point. I did not tell the Op what to do, I made suggestions. And from the OP’s post, it appears to be more than just a disagreement.

People are quick to call others “friends”, when any real depth analysis would show that those same people are acquaintances. And it comes as a bit of a shock when they finally confront the matter. Friends don’t belittle you. They may disagree with you on some of your choices, but they don’t go around accusing you of a serious decision “because you have low self-esteem”.

If one is weak, a friend support you. A friend does not ignore why you are making a life changing choice; they listen to your reasoning. That is something the Op’s acquaintance is not doing.

A disagreeable streak? According to the OP, it appears to be a bit more than just disagreeable. Re-read their post - it appears constant.


Is to have high self esteem esteeming yourself highly?

It’s probably not possible to have no idea of your own value, but why esteem yourself highly when it’s a fact that we are all flawed in many different ways?

Low self esteem is to consider yourself worthless. Now that may suit some people very well but as a Catholic you know you have worth to God.

How about a balanced mid self esteem, I’ve never heard of that.

In many ways a value judgement of yourself is a consolation to the ego, does it matter? If you have enough money do you need to define yourself as poor or rich? It actually isn’t relevant, because you have enough.

I’m a Catholic, I could be a much better Catholic and I’ll leave my value to Gods judgement since I can never be objective about it anyway.


There is not enough information in the OP to make this judgement. Perhaps this person is trying to make his life miserable, or perhaps he is a friend who legitimately thinks either A. that Catholics in general have low self-esteem, or B. he has observed some such trait in the OP, and has decided to point it out. He clearly is not ignoring the OP, so he passes that criteria… Whether or not his opinion is justified is besides the point.

Saying definitively that someone “is not your friend” is also not a suggestion. It is a judgement call based on inadequate information.

Fair enough. A “disagreeableness trait” might be more accurate term then. Either way, it’s simply one flaw among a million other potential ones, and unless you expect all your friends to be perfect, I see no reason to suggest categorically rejecting someone just because they’re a nuisance.

I’m also not saying the OP should consider this person a friend, as should be obvious.


There you go, saying something about “all your friends”.

You have far more acquaintances than you do friends, trust me.

I have been around 72 years. I have had scads of “friends”. I like them,they like me, but I am old enough to know that the great majority of them are acquaintances, not true friends. I doubt you are old enough to have read Kahlil Gibran, but he has a poem which starts “A friend is your needs answered.”

I did not say anything about anyone being “perfect”. The OP indicated that his “friend” had repeatedly made comments about him being of low self esteem. To quote: " no matter how I explain why I’ve chosen my faith over secularism, he persists, ".

My information and life knowledge is adequate for me to say that the individual criticizing the OP is an acquaintance, not a friend. “No matter how… he persists…” Friends don’t beat you up. They don’t persist in criticizing you.

You are welcome to your opinion but I am not interested in arguing with you.

I have had numerous people tell me about someone who is a friend (and this has often come up with Catholics speaking about a Mormon friend). I don’t tell them something; I ask a series of questions; and it is amazing after hearing their answers how consistently they respond when I tell them from what they have told me, that the Mormon is a friendly acquaintance. The light dawns on them.

There is nothing wrong with friendly acquaintances. But when the brown stuff hits the fan: when you or someone close to you has a serious illness or injury; when you lose a parent or sibling (of God forbid, a child); when you have an engagement broken off on you, or go through a divorce - when you have a crisis, you find out quickly who your friends are. They are the ones who walk with you, help you bear the burden.

Friendly acquaintances will offer some words of condolence, then they go about their ways.

Been there, done that, have several tee shirts. I also have a few friends, and a lot of friendly acquaintances. And I know the difference.

Yes, I have plenty of observation from the OP’s statement. He has an acquaintance berating him. Whether that individual is a friendly acquaintance, or the OP just wants the individual to be supportive of his choice to be Catholic, the individual is not a friend. They are an acquaintance, and from the OP’s own words, the individual is not supportive of the OP’s desires to be Catholic. maybe you call that a friend. I don’t.

Everybody wants to be liked. It might be helpful in life, if one is aware of whether or not others respect us and our choices. It can put wanting to be liked in perspective.


He has a very warped view of Catholicism. Wonder how he came by it?


Nobody likes a know it all.


The person thinks “you’re choosing Catholicism because you have a low self-esteem”. Well the good thing is that persons thinks you make a choice rather than it being involuntary. People do not always thing through what is said or may not be aware that we are saved by grace.


I’d say, “It’s not about me.”

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