I started using it because I want to discern marriage. I never really did discern it or gave it a shot. Do you have any tips for online dating and have any others here had success? Do you think it’s safe?
I can only speak to Ave Maria Singles, because that is the site I was on. I had a good experience on Ave, and that’s where I met my husband. We met 15 years ago this August, and married 13 years ago in August. I was on Ave for 2 years before I met my husband and I talked with a number of men, and met/dating about 6 others before meeting my husband. I am still friends with one of them that didn’t work out romantically. The others, we basically cut ties when it didn’t work out.
Online dating is like any other dating. You have to put effort into it. You have to be cautious and use good judgment about giving out personal information, meeting people IRL, etc. You will come across people who are honest and truthful. You will come across people who are not. You will come across people who are serious. You will come across people who are players. Some people like the “newness” of getting to know someone online and then they move on to the next fish. Some people aren’t like that and are genuinely trying to make a connection. You will find people who are very serious about Catholic teaching, and you will find those that are barely Catholic in name only. I liked Ave because it seemed to attract a more serious-about-the-faith clientele.
You need to go into it with an open mind and a guarded heart. Many people get a false sense of intimacy in online dating because you write and talk a lot versus doing “date” stuff like movies and whatever. So, you learn a lot about a person quickly, build up some ideas in your head, get a false sense of closeness with that person, etc.
It’s best to talk up front about what you are looking for. It’s best to guard your heart and take your time. Don’t make it a whirlwind romance. Treat it like you would any other dating, and be cautious.
Some people find it frustrating, but I didn’t mind CatholicMatch when I was on it. It really is only good if you pay a subscription though, because then you’ll be able to send and receive messages and start a conversation. However, if you don’t want to pay right away, you can just browse and see if anyone catches your eye, which is what I did.
I ended up meeting my husband through my work and a mutual friend, but I did encounter a few genuinely nice men there. Don’t give up if it doesn’t seem like that at first (trust me, the good guys are thinking the same thing).
I met my husband on Catholic Match!
It does take a fair amount of work. I was lucky in that Hubby contacted me. You have to go through and make decisions about whom you want to approach, similar to how you would do for any other type of dating.
My wife and I like it
And lest anyone be confused, we like it because we met there, not because we browse through it now as a married couple. Ahem.
It probably depends on where you live. I was a member for two years and the pool was incredibly small. There were a few women I messaged but never heard anything back from. If the pool in your area is big, it might be worth it.
I don’t believe in using online dating websites. You can easily meet Catholic singles in your parish.
Well, that’s not always true… I really don’t know many people that met at church, as nice as that may be. If you live in a small town and attend a small parish, it makes it very difficult.
It’s not always that easy. In Hubby’s case he was a single dad. He didn’t really have the opportunity to go to singles events because he either had his daughter or was working. I’m extremely shy so it was unlikely I’d meet anyone at church either - plus I was a graduate student and attended a university parish, so much of the congregation was transient at best (I.e. not going to be there long-term).
Not when the only single women are teens or senior citizens.
Neither teens nor senior citizens should be using online dating apps. Remember that people aren’t always honest about themselves online. You need to meet people in person for a real relationship.
Whoops, I think you misunderstand me. What I meant was that it’s hard to meet single women at my parish when the only single women at my parish are teens or senior citizens.
I prepare lots of couples for marriage and I witness the marriages of many of them, as well.
I don’t have personal experience with either Catholic Match or Ave Maria Singles, but I can tell you how surprised I am at the number of Catholics I have prepared for marriage that met online.
A decade ago, it was a few here and there. Now it is probably 1 in 4 or so.
I suppose it has to do with two things:
Online dating sites are greater in number, more established now, and have more members
Catholics (and others, as well) are marrying later in life, and are more likely to have busier lives, their own homes, etc. Couples have told me that online dating can be worked into their schedule easier than waiting for a singles event at the La Salle Club, for example.
God bless all of you living the sacrament of matrimony – which continues all the sacraments of our Church,
Hubby and I met online, but we lived about an hour’s drive apart. We met in person after 4 months of discussions online. After that, we continued dating in person for 15.5 months before we married.
I agree with you that it’s important to meet in person, but I think you may be confusing dating solely online with simply meeting someone online and deciding to date in person after that. That’s the way Hubby and I did it - we met online but dated in person after that.
I met my husband online about 10 years ago when online dating was starting to pick up speed. That was the era of eharmoney and Match.com. Younger crowd was on match and older crowd was on eharmoney. There wasn’t a lot of options and hubby and I weren’t catholic at the time.
Your mileage can vary. It was really easy to meet a lot of people and it encouraged me to branch out and meet people from local towns where I didn’t know many people.
I was growing really tired of my usual dates…which consisted entirely of my sisters fiancé having his friends ask about me and the guys I worked with.
I think I had a membership on match for 3-4 months and met one person IRL before I met my husband. I chatted /emailed a couple of others. It was frustrating because their were way more girls than guys and I had to get used to a lot of rejection but I was consistent and took it seriously.
My husband was in match for a grand total of a week. He messaged me and one or two other girls he was interested in and I was the first to get back and chat. We met after a few emails because we lived about 30 mins from each other.
We hit it off really quickly and have been married for 6 years with 3 kids.
Something I can’t stress enough. Meet whomever you are talking to online. Try to stay as local as possible.
Hiding behind a computer screen can mask a lot of really big red flags.
So, you meet them. Simple as that. You narrow your search engine for locals, send a request, exchange a few emails and arrange to meet.
Honestly…online dating is no different than going on a blind date. You’re given a much bigger pool of potential people who are marriage material.
And, no…meeting people in church isn’t ideal. My parish is fairly orthodox. It’s completely loaded with married couples with small children and the above 50-60 age set.
It’s not realistic for everyone to meet their significant other at Church. Its pretty naive to assume that. Online dating is just another tool. A very effective tool if taken seriously.
I’m going to give catholicmatch a try for a month since I already paid and I’ve met 2 guys whom I’m chatting with now. After one month, maybe I’ll switch to Ave maria singles since I’ve heard from a few people it’s better for more serious catholics.
I met my fiance on Catholicmatch and we are 3 1/2 months away from marriage.
First and foremost I would say do not get frustrated and give up if you do not have much luck at the beginning. It took me about 3 active years before I met my fiance. The biggest mistake I see guys make is that they join, message maybe 5 to 10 women, get no response back and assume they are doing something wrong or that online dating does not work. Then come the complaints that the women are “too picky”.
Now, you are a female so most likely all you will have to do is wait to be contacted. From talking to many women on that site I would say be cautious about the guys regardless of how devout they seem. No need to be overly paranoid. Don’t make a guy wait weeks before you give him your number. That’s annoying lol. Meeting is safe as long as it’s a public place on your turf, not his. But I have heard about guys on that site who end up asking for nude video chats, sending nude picture of them self via text, lying about employment, hiding drug and alcohol problems, after a few months of dating asking to borrow money. So, just be very careful how quickly you trust someone. There are lots of great men on cm.com but weirdos are in there too. Good luck!