When a woman (who is basically sorry to put it blunt but the town tramp) is caught trying to get close to your spouse and he says she’s crazy and should leave him alone. Then that women leaves a number for your spouse at his work (you come with him from a lunch date to pick up your car) and there’s her number for him she left. He says he threw it out, but you SAW him put something in his pocket and then you find the number in his wallet the next night. What am I to make of this??? I checked out cell records online and have not found any record of him calling her, or her calling him, but why tell me you threw it out and then keep it in your wallet hidden??? I mean he obviously took it from his pants and put it in his wallet.
Hi - Welcome to the forums. This womans actions sound fishy for sure. Unfortunately there is not anyway for us to know what actually happened, the only thing you can do is ask your husband the question you posed here. We can, however, offer you prayers for your marriage.
*Hi there, and welcome to CAF. Hmmm…not sure what to make of it really, could be that your husband just stuck it in his pocket…like when I stick a receipt or something in my purse and the next chance I have to throw it away, I might.
I would just ask your husband, if he plans to contact her, or has? Tell him exactly what you post here…I wouldn’t go through checking his cell everyday, and driving yourself bananas. The question is…do you trust your husband, and has his behavior ever been in question before?
I hope things work out. *
thank you. I need lots of prayers. Things are not going well at all. This is not the only thing that makes me suspicious. He went to a concert (alone???) three hours from where we live and then calls to say he can’t drive home - ya know too much to drink. I checked records again and he did call a cab, but he also had like 20 calls from three or four numbers (calling until 5 in the morning) - I called them and while I didn’t say anything one of them was a girl he couldn’t have known before that night and whose number I know he got that night there was at least 5 calls back and forth from the phones). Also the cab company is located in a larger city a half hour away from “where the concert was”, but all the numbers he was calling and had calling him had numbers from the bigger city. Doesn’t make sense and I’m not sure he was ever at a concert in the city he said he was in. I don’t know what to make of him anymore.
his actions have been in question before. He has always had my suspicions up but lately I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of it more. It seems like a lot of coincidences to me - too many. If I ask him he throws a fit and says he’s not the kind of guy to do those things. Ask the wives of the guys who do those things and they would have thought the same thing before they found out the truth. I am not very trusting by nature and he’s losing it big time.
*Oh wow, I didn’t think that would be your answer! :o I’m sorry…
My advice…would be to have a heart to heart with him. If you don’t, your marriage will go on and on like this…with suspicions, with mistrust, with him becoming defensive. If he gives you just cause to be suspicious, he needs to change his behavior, and quick. If he is flirting with other women, he needs to stop. I would just try to be calm, and tell him that you want your marriage to be the best it can be, and if he gives you reasons to mistrust him, then it can’t be the best it can be. You’re wanting what is best for the marriage…
I pray that things get better…but don’t be afraid to discuss this with him. God will give you the right words to say, I promise you that. *
Thank you. I will think about how to go about this.
*Just tell him you want to have a heart to heart…and ask him not to become defensive and you promise not to get upset. (that can be tricky lol) But, then, open up the discussion with questions…and let him know that you are not a jealous woman, but from some recent behaviors, you want to make sure he is happy in the marriage. I mean, ultimately, that is what you need to know. It isn’t about jealousy, and all of that…it’s about helping your husband to grow as a Catholic husband…in holiness. It’s about helping him to see that you are there for him, and that you want the marriage to be great, not just good.
AND…that you deserve respect, and honest answers when you ask him questions.
I don’t ever believe in looking up emails, and putting cameras on the internet, looking at the phone log in a spouse’s cell phone, and catching people doing things they shouldn’t be doing. Although, I will say that this is how my nephew caught his wife cheating, sadly. But, her behavior was super suspicious, and when asked, she kept denying things, so in that case…then maybe you need to do a little sleuthing.
But, at this stage…what you ultimately want is to trust your husband. Tell him so, and maybe try to get away somewhere …for a retreat or something? Sometimes, we get lost in the details of our collective lives, and we lose some of that romance and excitement. Would he be open to that?*
When you discuss this with him, and you MUST discuss this with him, make certain that you do not accuse him of anything. Men can be very odd when accused directly (Yes, I am a man) but simply talk to him about the perception of things and how you worry about others’ perceptions and the risk of causing scandal.
If he is an upright guy, he’ll be glad to discuss it in a manner that is non-threatening.
You mentioned that you yourself are not very trusting. Perhaps a conversation with a priest or an utterly reliable friend or relative but probably the priest just to check your own logic.
Give him an honest chance to clear up any bad perceptions that may exist before you convict him and sentence him to hard time.
Now, if the priest agrees with you and your husband refuses to talk then you may well have a problem.
You have my prayers
Please be very careful. If your husband is cheating, he will not tell you until he is ready or you catch him. He might leave clues even and still not be ready to tell. Since this has been an ongoing problem (and I think his defensiveness in response to your questions is telling - my husband only gets defensive when he is guilty - something I should have recognized before he started his affair), you should definitely look into this. Talk to a trusted priest and see about marriage counseling. Assuming he is completely innocent, the two of you, at the minimum, need help in setting appropriate boundaries which you both agree on and in communication.
*I honestly don’t know for sure what I’d do if I suspected my husband of cheating. I know myself though, I don’t know if I’d take him at face value, if what he said wasn’t adding up.
I don’t advise this, but I would probably hire a private investigator. I know that sounds extreme, but I would have to know, I wouldn’t be able to sleep with my husband, etc…strongly suspecting he is cheating. And if he couldn’t come out and admit it when asked, I’d have to take matters into my own hands, and find out for sure, myself. Or follow him, myself. I am so not the jealous type, but my husband has never given me a reason to doubt him…but if he did, I just know I would have to know.
Cell phone numbers, etc can always be explained away.
Again,not telling you to follow your husband, but as you give more details, it seems like something is off. :o Praying for you to find out the truth, whatever it is…God bless you!*
Is he a practicing Catholic?