What does a meeting with a spiritual director look like?


I’ve had a lot of time to think lately and, while talking with my Mom, she suggested maybe getting a spiritual director.

Out of curiosity, for those who have spiritual directors, what does meeting with a spiritual director look like? Who would anyone recommend looking into as a spiritual director? The priest I usually go to confession? (I’m an 18 year old Catholic female college student). I know that a spiritual director doesn’t necessarily have to be someone with a religious vocation, but I don’t really know who to look for.

Thanks for any advice in advance!

Chloe M.


Look for someone who is perceived to lead a Christian witness and seek their counselling.
Try it and see. I will pray for you.


If you contact your diocese, someone there should have a list of Spiritual Directors for you to choose from. Some charge a fee; some do not.

Basically, a Spiritual Director should be someone trained to help you grow spiritually. (That is why you should either speak to your parish priest about this or contact your diocese instead of choosing someone on your own.) A session usually lasts about an hour. I have always found it more helpful to have a priest, since going to Confession helps him understand me better. However, my currect Spiritual Director is a nun.

If you want to know what happens in a session, well, that depends. You talk about what you think your relationship with God is and where you need to improve. Your Director gives you advice and/or may give your material to read.

I for one have found it extremely helpful in my journey.


I’ve had three spiritual directors; one unofficial and 2 official.

The first was a permanent deacon at my parish and I liked his homilies and the kinds of discussions he led in the youth and young adults groups. I had started going to a new parish and joined a charismatic prayer group and went thought what I called a “spiritual growth spurt” and felt as gawky as an adolescent who doesn’t know what to do with the longer legs and arms and feelings he or she is having. None of my friends or others in the YA group ever talked about this kind of thing so I just asked to speak with him about some things a couple of times.

The others were priests and it was a similar thing; I liked their (orthodox) homilies, the reverence during Mass, how they did Confessions, etc. After awhile I asked the priest if he did spiritual direction and then asked if they would be my spiritual director.

As far as meeting with them? I would usually discuss virtues I was trying to work on and what ever struggles I was having with that, I would share something I read that inspired or convicted me, and also areas of sins that I was trying to overcome. Because they were priests I could finish with confession. If they had not been priests I might have talked about my last confession if thought it would be useful.


I am a convert who was in the process of discerning which secular order I should try to enter. It was something my priest/confessor had mentioned in passing a couple of times. Eventually I asked him for a recommendation.

The person he recommended is also a convert and an OCDS (secular Carmelite) as well as a counselor by profession. We talk about my spiritual life, I mention my last confession, any questions I have about Catholicism in general, the differences between the Prot. churches we were raised in and the Catholic Church. She has also helped me to discern which secular order was right for me, which meant I changed from the one I was inquiring with at the time to the one that fits me best. Basically, we meet for coffee once a month and just go over all the spiritual aspects of my life.

If your priest and/or confessor know you well, I would ask him for a recommendation. They may know of just the right person. The important thing is they have to be someone you feel totally comfortable with and can be completely open and honest with. Someone you can say anything to and someone who will understand what you are trying to say, even when it comes out a tangled up mess.
I will be praying for you. The right spiritual director can be invaluable.


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