What does one do?


#1

What does one do when their enshrouded by lust? I mean it’s EVERYWHERE!! You go on so many websites, about simple things, and pictures of women, all dolled up and flirty are EVERYWHERE!! You go outside, stroll to the mall, and it looks like hookers are roaming around. I mean, no offense to anyone, it’s just…hard to deal with.

Especially for me lately regarding masterbation. My wife hasn’t been in the mood lately, her meds and all, not to mention stress and depression, and I have been…“burning” you might say, as the way males get sometimes naturally, :frowning:

Therefore, all this smut all over has led me astray and I must seek confession yet again. It’s really really hard. I wish God would enchant me with such grace (as He has in the past), and I can turn away from these lustful sins.

Even at my job, women stroll everywhere in sometimes skimpy outfits. I feel so weak, so easily seduced lately by flirty females it’s…I guess pathetic.

I love my wife, and desperately wish to bond with her, but things are difficult right now, much of it’s my fault to.

I need a priest.

Any advice?


#2

Yes, talk to a priest.


#3

Have you actually told your wife these thoughts and how hard it is for you to resist? Have you explained to her that you NEED her?

If my husband were to tell me these things I think, depression or not, medication or not, I would find a way to help him out. I would want him to feel relieved and more in control despite my circumstances.

I know life is hard but you would be surprised what a little honest communication can cure.

Sarah


#4

I agree with you completely. Although I wouldn’t abuse the ‘privilege’ so to speak, honestly talking with her and explaining the circumstances, should point her heart in the right direction.

For your part, I completely understand.

Strive to see Jesus in people. Both men and women. Redirect your thoughts when you see women in revealing outfits. Instead of seeing an opportunity to satisfy yourself - then or later (as your mind directs you) - redirect your mind to the absolute possibility that they will burn for what they are doing, and send a prayer up. Offer up your desires for their salvation. God can and does use this to save people, and you, at the same time.

Remember that you can control your mind instead of being at the mercy of it - and use it as a force for good instead of evil.

Pray to St. Thomas Aquinas for help in dealing with your lust - he received a cincture for purity from Angels of God, and many people have been helped by him.

Here is an excerpt from HERE

…The brothers even laid snares for his virtue, but the pure-minded novice drove the temptress from his room with a brand which he snatched from the fire. Towards the end of his life, St. Thomas confided to his faithful friend and companion, Reginald of Piperno, the secret of a remarkable favour received at this time. When the temptress had been driven from his chamber, he knelt and most earnestly implored God to grant him integrity of mind and body. He fell into a gentle sleep, and, as he slept, two angels appeared to assure him that his prayer had been heard. They then girded him about with a white girdle, saying: “We gird thee with the girdle of perpetual virginity.” And from that day forward he never experienced the slightest motions of concupiscence.

Peace to you my Brother and Friend - you are still in my Prayers

John


#5

The renewable source of inexhaustible grace is the Sacrament of Confession.

Unless it’s official business…stay away from the computer (internet).
Don’t watch TV shows that you know are sexually charged such as: VH1, MTV, BET, SPIKE and the prime cable channels that feature soft porn.
Start with these, I’m sure you know of other areas you can quit.

Do see a priest!! For Confession, not just casual talk.

And do the basic Catholic things really, really well:

Rosary - every day.
Confession & Communion - weekly
Implement the use of Holy Water in your home, at the front door and the back door.
Wear and use your sacramentals.

If you haven’t already done so - get rid of items in your house that may be conducent to sexual temptation.
Make an appt. with your priest to come and bless your home.

I have been where you are at…and beyond!

It will take an active decision on your part to make a drastic break with the caustic effect of “this sin”, and stem Lucifer’s attack.

Believe you me,…this is what it takes.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.


#6

Yes, I agree with you. The way people dress is indecent, but you will find it every place. I feel sorry for the younger generation. I did not understand your comment about lusting. You should not give into those temptations. Temptations actually are not sins, unless you dwell on them and they become so obsessive that is all you think about and act out, whatever it might be.

Just, simply pray. You or I cannot change the world, so accept it and try to put your mind on something else. I know that is is probably difficult, but do not give up. Nothing in imposible with God’s graces.

God bless you!


#7

Go to the Immaculate Heart - there, you’ll find God’s graces.


#8

Hey John, what’s up man :smiley: Glad to run into you on the forums again. Thanks for your advice. Ha, I’ve never been to Confession as much as I have been lately, ever since I came back to the Lord I’ve been going every Saturday.

I hate the society we live in. I wish I had the strngth to cast off these temptations. I already do not, rarely, watch tv unless I throw in a DVD of MY choosing (like LOTR, Braveheart, Narnia or the Passion, obviously all of those inspire my faith), and I go online to come here or for buisness, but the internet is so easily tempting.

But thanks again for all your prayers, everyone, especially you John:thumbsup:

P.S. How’s your “Vow of Victim” calling coming?


#9

Thanks Sarah, I never expected a sister to give me advice, but I’m more than glad you did. It’s a blessing to talk with women of the faith with a heart like yours. :hug1:


#10

I only hope that I can help. This problem you are having is nothing to be ashamed of, It is a sin and I am not condoning it but I can’t allow you to be ashamed of a sin. If you give way to shame then satan is winning a second battle and I wont allow Satan to win any battles if I can help it. If you can get past the shame then you can deal with the problem. And this is where you need to be.

I think you need to talk to your wife about it. You will need her help to get past this. That is a simple fact whether we women want to admit it or not. You may want to also consider counseling and so forth. They do have counseling for this problem now, it is unfortunately becoming very common. I think Satan is behind the whole industry.

Sarah


#11

I absolutely second this - talking about this, even though it’s an incredibly difficult topic, should help. My husband and I are currently learning ourselves how to talk about such very embarrassing and difficult topics.

However, to add a caveat, maybe it would be best to approach from a ‘this is how I feel and what I’m struggling with’ angle and then leave it up to her how to respond? You might put her off, if it sounds to her as though this is just another way of putting pressure on her at a difficult time.

Best of luck with it - I think, as Sarah said, if you try to explain what’s happening to you, when she thinks about it, hopefully she’ll be able to find a way she can help.


#12

Oh, there’s no shame at all comfronting my wife about masterbation, want to know why? She doesn’t think it’s wrong!! She’s falling away, and I’m always alone at Mass. I miss her so much, and can’t STAND the hyms Church plays cause they all remind me of her being there next to me, and now…she’s not!!!

So, she has abosolutely no problem with masterbation, does it herself when she wants, and cares less about when I do it, just so long as I do not leave her (which I never will).

It’s a mess. At least I can talk to a priest about it. I’m going to confession tomorrow.

If anything, regarding shame, Satan has not gained a square inch on this one! :mad:


#13

Hello,

While I can’t address or relate to the situation involving your wife, I most definitely can completely empathize with your situation regarding lust. Unfortunately, I have very few answers. In fact, over the course of the past two days, I’ve been grand slammed by separate episodes. Fortunately I didn’t commit my age-old sin of masturbation, but boy! my imagination got completely out of control!

I’ve spoken with my priest about this sin on a couple of occassions. He says that this cross is one of the many that I must struggle through in life, much like hundreds if not thousands of other saints, but there’s little answer outside of a constant struggle to reform our psychosomatic responses – which, as you say, and with which I agree, is difficult!

In my case, I find it a real shame that I can’t even enjoy the beauty of a member of the opposite sex without staring or even glancing at her body in some lewd way. Such a reaction to women is predominantly habit, and it’s a difficult habit to reform! I feel the only way for me to reform is to just isolate myself from anybody I might find remotely attractive. But that’s me. I’m trying the regimen of immersing myself in prayer during these difficult times and trying to remember that this is a child of God I’m looking at who has hopes, dreams, fears, and ultimately a soul needing the presence of Him just as much as me. It’s helped for the most part, but there’s still a lot of practice to be had!


#14

I am really relieved that you can talk to your wife about this. That is the biggest obsticle for most people.

You know when I read your heartfelt initial post, my heart goes out to you because all you say is true. The fashion industry is all about making a woman sexy, not pretty, not reserved, and Lord knows not practical, but sexy. And as women we are taught that we are ugly unless we are sexy from the time we get our first barbie dolls to our first job interview and picking out a suit.

I know this affects men and my friends know this affects men. In fact one of my friends who is married makes sure that she is “available” to her husband whenever possible because she is cognizant of what he is exposed to and doesnt’ want him to stray. I think if you told your wife of this struggle because everywhere you go, all that you see on TV and in magazines all suggests sex and fornication to you and that is really hard to deal with when the one person that you can go to for relief isn’t “available.”

My heart goes out to you. We are all affected by this.

Sarah


#15

Thank you Sarah :slight_smile:


#16

I’m so tired of being alone. I’m so tired of having no spouse at Mass, I’m at Mass, she’s home role playing with a friend online, who she talks to, spends more time with than I. I feel so alone, so depressed, and struggle with OCD on top of it. I’m just…sick of it. Talking never helps niether,

Tomorrow I’m going alone to my brothers house. We were invited for dinner. my wife doesn’t want to come, because she gets “bored.” So I’ll be alone again. sighs


#17

Sorry for changing the topic of this thread.


#18

Friendship involves sacrifice for the sake of love. There are times I will go to a movie or social event with a friend even if I don’t want to because I value the friendship. In other words, I’m going for their sakes not my own. Friendship or marriage should not be a one way street. Gathering from what you’ve written, your wife does everything only for love of self and not for love of you. No wonder you feel lonely, unfulfilled and unloved.


#19

Hi Dark Warrior-
I’m NO spiritual director, but I’ll tell you what has worked for me in the past:
I read a book written by a sister (Sister Emmanuel) called “Freed and Healed Through Fasting”. Now, having suffered from depression my whole life, and also suffered through a 9 yr. marriage to spiritually ill (long story) agnostic, I understand that any penance sounds impossibley overwhelming.
I read this little book (88 pgs) though and it so totally motivated me to begin fasting that it was not long before I was doing it twice a week. I found an incredible peace enter my soul during this time (fell off the horse - trying to get back on now) and long to renew this fast.
Sister Emmanuel explains the power of praying and fasting done together, and the fruits are real.
There is another book I’ve read that I can’t recommend enough called “The Great Magdalens” by Msgr. Hugh Francis Blunt. It’s an easy read and tells short accounts of famous great Penitents throughout history. Wow, check out St. Mary of Egypt, St. Anthony of the Desert, and St. Thais. And so many more. In Medugorje Mary calls us to prayer, fasting and penance. I usually did the prayer part, rarely the fasting part, and never the penance part. What a loss for me. With the help of God’s grace that will change.
Anyway, food for thought!
Keep fighting the good fight!
God Bless,
jofa


#20

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