What if i don't have a vocation?

I don’t relaly feel desire for marriage, just can’t be around people all the itme and not too great with kids. and also no attraction for religious life either. probably wouldn’t even get in with my disability, I can live on my own and do the same things, but usually not at the same pace as everyone else, so I think community living would make it hard for me to keep up

and apparently single life isn’t really traditionally considered a primary vocation

is it possible to not have a vocation besides the universal call to holiness?

or what happens if I am missing my vocation?

Do not fret. There are female saints who were neither religious nor married. Of course, the first to come to my mind is St. Catherine of Sienna, who cut her hair off in protest when her parents tried to marry her off. She did eventually join the third (lay) order of Dominicans. Honestly, the single life can be one’s primary vocation - as being single without ties to a religious organization or priest has advantages. Religious and priests are bound by obedience to their superiors - even their assignments in the community/diocese are dictated by their superiors. Married people are bound to their spouses and children - their primary assignment is to take care of their spouses and children and help both spouse and child grow in faith. Single people have no such assignment - they can serve God in whatever way they see fit. Pay attention to the 2nd reading this Sunday, where St. Paul actually exalts the single life.

Angell, you’ve told us a lot about what you don’t want. Perhaps, though, it would be better to think about what you do want. So what do you want to do? And what do you want to be? Don’t try to fit in into ecclesiastical categories; just be frank about it. Understanding that will make the answer all the easier for you.

I can’t really answer that question because I have no idea.

at a certain point I wanted to go to medical school or some other therapy of some kind, but I can’t afford it, my grades are ok but not good enough for something like that and the disability does not help the cause. plus, my parents always raised me on " you can’t do what you want in life, only what you have to for survival" kind of philosophy

I simply want to do something pleasing to God, whatever that may be. I just don’t relaly know how to go about it. people can make it difficult when you don’t fit in to ecclesiastical categories. not that I should be caring what other people say really

Ever thought about becoming a nun? Not being weird here. I seriously considered this at 17 since I thought I’d never wed or anything. Well Hubby came along and I changed my mind. I was dead serious about it though!

It’s okay to not know what you want to do, I’ve been that always. I wanted to design historic clothes for movies but with my epilepsy my memory is really bad and my grades suffered. 4 years of college was a no go for me.

Ask God to show you what you want to do, and keep an open mind. :slight_smile:


You sound young, how old are you? If you’re still in your teens I would say you don’t need to worry about this right now. I’m 16 and I feel exactly like you do. I don’t feel attracted to marriage or the religious life, and I don’t know what my career will even be. Sure, there are some people who got married very young or entered a convent very young or took vows of celibacy very young, but most people don’t have it all figured out early in life. Plenty of people don’t figure it out until their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s. Don’t stress and just go where you feel the need to go.

The only vocations that are sacraments are Holy Orders and Matrimony. The rest such as single life, religious life, consecrated virgin, etc. are still vocations – all recognized by the Church.

Everyone has a vocation, maybe it just requires more time for you and more communication with God.

God bless!

This then leads us to the first big imperative, which just happens to be the oldest piece of wisdom in the Western tradition: know thyself. So what do you enjoy doing? Do you consider yourself an introvert or extravert? What does your disability, or any other circumstance, preclude you from doing? Have you ever taken an occupational assessment, like a Strong Interest Inventory?

The matter of vocation shouldn’t be mystifying. We can know what we are by nature simply through rational introspection and various other means, and we know that grace perfects but does not supplant nature. Because you speak about grades, I’m led to believe that you are yet young, and you’re not alone; many young people are rather unsure about themselves and what they are doing as well.

Focus on knowing yourself. Thus, as you offer your life to God, you will better know what it is you are offering. Look at what seems rational, and be attuned to signs of grace, knowing that God will not let you founder.

Maybe you should go on an 8 day Ignatian retreat. I think it might really help. They have shorter ones, too, I think.

Don’t worry, you have a desire to please God. If you keep your focus on God, things will work out, just don’t take your eyes off Him, or you’ll begin to sink!

The moment we are baptised we have a clear vocation and call from God. This vocation is detailed for us in :


We are not baptised by some accident of fate etc. or the desire of our parents - baptism is an absolute indication by God that He is calling the baptised person to the lay state of life.

Whether one is called out of the laity into some other state in life (consecrated life or Holy Orders) is entirely up to God. Marriage and the single life (lay celibacy) are, of course, included in the lay state of life.

Remember and always keep this is mind, like all things in life, take it a day at a time.

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