What if I don't have a vocation


Hi all, my name is Jan and I am a Catholic with the same-sex attraction.

I struggle a lot and I try to live a holy life. But many times I have a sort of feeling that God did not give me any vocation, for I can neither follow my natural desires as my friends do (because it leads to sin), nor I can join a religious community / seminary because it’s (1) complicated in terms of Canon Law and (2) I just don’t feel the religious vocation. So my life looks like an error.

The conclusion I have is that I just have no vocation and therefore I am just a error in the system of the creation. And I am not much excited about the so-called vocation of a “single christian“. It does not make a sense for me.

I beg you my brothers and sisters, can anybody give me an advice?

Thank you.


Don’t fall into thinking that those who are celibate must be in a religious order of some sort.
Your vocation is what God has gifted you with. The proper use of your talents.
You might be a teacher, you might be a nurse, you might be a farmer, a librarian, you get the idea.
Whatever you do is a prayer, an offering to God if you do it well, justly, and with compassion to your neighbor.

Pray to St. Pio for guidance. He was a religious that was prevented from performing his priestly duties by his superiors because of the stigmata he suffered from. He didn’t ask for it. He just had it. He gets it. He will help you. I guarantee it.

God bless.


You have a vocation: to be a saint, and use the fruits of your baptism and confirmation, and the regular friuits of the Eucharist, to help others become saints.

It appears to be mine as well (although I don’t have the additional cross of SSA), so I totally understand that it can be a painful and lonely vocation sometimes, but there are lots of kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones, that make up our social support system.

I’ve always thought that God wants people with different life experiences in Heaven, to increase the richnes of humanity there. But before that, there are presumably some people that I can better help in some way because of the life experience I’ve had.

It’s not always very comforting, but one of the reasons for trusting God’s will in your life is that He knows what you actually need, and what others need from you.

I’m not sure if this helps you at all, but for sure you and I aren’t God’s errors, just because we have neither a matrimonial nor a religious vocation.

May God bless you,



the better term is state of life. Vocation is ok too, but ti’s used in so many different ways that it can be confusing

for example, a quadriplegic normally would have difficulty getting marriage, or joining a religious order or being a priest. does that somehow mean they don’t have a vocation? it doesn’t, they are just called to the celibate lay state of life. and some people have more than one calling, for example, married men who are also priests. it’s not so black and white as it’s sometimes taught

or else, you would have to draw the conclusion that God makes some people without a vocation or purposefully made it to that they don’t fulfill it, which doen’st make sense at all

I don’t really feel called to anything traditional either, but they are other options. secular third orders, consecrated virgin, hermits, secular institutes


:hug3: I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I will keep you in my prayers.

Be assured that you are not an error at all. As Clare says below, you have a vocation – the first vocation I knew I had was a music teacher. I just finished my 20th year of teaching and I pray God will allow me to continue this for another 15 years!

Not being able to act on your sexual desires is indeed a struggle for soooooo many of us. I experienced same-sex attraction for a long time, and I left the Church and acted on those desires for about ten years. They were dark years for me and I was pretty miserable the whole time – except when I was teaching. :o

I left that world behind after ten years. And now, some fifteen years later, I have absolutely no same-sex attraction at all. Not completely sure how that happened, because I wasn’t trying to get rid of these feelings – I was outside the Church and wasn’t concerned about its teachings at the time I noticed the change.

I did marry a man when I was away from the Church. We had a child, and then the man asked for a divorce. I’ve been divorced now for over ten years. I still have no desire whatsoever for women – the thought now grosses me out.

So I have two points to make here:

First, you absolutely do have a vocation.

And second, sexual attraction can change. I can’t tell you how, only that it does. That probably doesn’t help, but I’m not the only person who’s had that experience.


Great advice! And St Pio is a brilliant intercessor. Thanks for the reminder. :smiley:


You are God’s work of art. SSA is temptation. Wear the green scapular with a St Benedict medal on it, and go to weekly confession. Pray the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet. Develop the mentality that any sexual thoughts of another is a disservice to them, which is contrary to today’s modern standards. Emulate the angels.

Practice three-point meditation and lectio divina.

St. Therese said, “Prayer can be a look to Heaven.” Realize the Trinity dwells within you, and build the cloister of the heart. Maintain interior and exterior silence out of reverence for God’s presence.

You’re working towards a love of God that accepts anything He asks you to do. Once you build your relationship with Him, He will let you know where He wants you. His will is going to be done, anyway, so resignation to it only helps us to bear witness to Him.


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