My husband and I are trying to work through some problems, and right now, we’re failing. Please tell me what you think about this latest “sticking point.” (We’ve been married for 22 years.)
Long story, but due to stupid things that I have done in the past - not good wife stuff - stuff that makes husbands lose trust - my husband has often been angry with me and expressed it in very strong ways. I have felt terrible - like sinking into the ground and never coming back up.
At four times during the 22 years - two of them about 18 years ago and two of them within the past two years, I have let myself go to think that I would have been better off with another man. That is, after our fight, I would talk with or hear about a man and think “What if I had met that man before I met my husband. I think I could have been a good wife to that man, and he wouldn’t be so mad at me about this stuff.” No real fantasizing involved, but not a good thought for a good wife to have.
I told my husband about these thoughts during an argument in June 2007. He told me he considers it cheating and that any woman who could have such a thought is a cheater and nothing could keep such a woman from physically cheating.
I know I could NEVER cheat on my husband, but I can’t “prove” it, and it seems this is all he needs to say that he can’t live with such a woman. I’m done trying to defend myself or prove it’s “OK,” because I really believe it’s wrong, too. At the time, I figured it was “pretty normal,” and that “everyone did it.” (I can almost here my mother saying “if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?”)
I’m not sure what I’m asking you all to say, but if you have insight, PLEASE share.