What if my parents say I can't go to Confession?


#1

An act of perfect contrition includes intention to go to Confession as soon as possible. My parents said I can't go back until July. Can I still be forgien of my sins?


#2

First off, it is impossible to truly know if you are perfectly contrite short of God sending down one of his messengers to personally give you the A-OK. On the other hand, you are concerned that you will not be able to go to confession, which is something and speaks towards repentance. If the sin you need removed is mortal, you should avoid recieving, regardless of your contrition, as the sin is still on your soul until you confess it, or get a PM from God. However, if you were to die tomorrow without the opportunity to confess, God would probably take repentance into account at your jugement. So basically, you are repentant, but you can't recieve until you can make it to confession. Luckily, any priest worth his salt would hear a quick confession before mass if you run into the sacristy and as for a quick confession before mass.


#3

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:1, topic:330673"]
An act of perfect contrition includes intention to go to Confession as soon as possible. My parents said I can't go back until July. Can I still be forgien of my sins?

[/quote]

Repentance out of sorrow for having offended God (perfect contrition) united with the firm intent to confess as soon as possible does obtain remission even of mortal sins. We are, however, not properly disposed for Holy Communion until we receive absolution in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Your parents may need to be reminded that it is your duty as Catholic to go to Mass every Sunday (or at least on Saturday vigil) if this is possible. Once there, within the Church, you have access to Confession. I do not think that they would forbid you from approaching the confessional at that point, because of the implications that such behavior has, but remember that humility and obedience are the distinct characteristics of a Christian. Be thus humble and submissive with your parents, as Christ was with the Father, and trust that the Lord will allow you to confess in due time.


#4

Confess anyway.


#5

Okay - first of all, congratulations on actually WANTING to go to confession! Many, if not most, people (we adults included) DREAD going to confession - mainly because we're actually embarrased of our sins. It takes a lot of guts to even admit to oneself that you've sinned and what the nature of our sins actually is.

Unfortunately, many churches don't have confession available as much as they should - my mother goes to a parish in Michigan where confessions are really only available maybe twice a year, during Lent and Advent, due to the absence of a true pastor (a nun currently runs the church and its sister parish, and they have a "retired" priest say Mass; but that makes sense, because IIRC, when I was growing up the parish announced "Call to Action" meetings in the bulletin). In addition, in many churches, the priest likes to give himself at least 15 minutes to get ready for Mass. Some priests will hear quick confessions before Mass, some won't, and with other priests, it just depends on how rushed they are that particular Sunday. And some priests are such sticklers for time that, even if there is a line of people asking for confession, they will not say confessions after the time for confession is up, because they need to prepare for Mass (this happens a lot when confessions are from 4-4:45 on Saturday, with a 5 pm Mass)

As for the availability of confessions, some churches have confession available daily, and some have confessions available between each and every Mass. At the very least, most have confessions available at least for about a half-hour - hour each Saturday, though, as stated before, they could be scheduled to run right up close to Mass so that, if there's a line, it's easily possible that not everyone's confession will be heard. On the other hand, there are churches that only have confession twice a year or even only once a month. As such, if you're in a strange area, it is hard to know what the availability of confessions will be.


#6

Can you say why you can’t go back until July (and is that early July, late July, etc)?

It sounds like your beliefs are different from your parents, perhaps? If that’s the case, best of luck in getting to see eye-to-eye on your spiritual needs.


#7

[quote="Peter12rb, post:6, topic:330673"]
Can you say why you can't go back until July (and is that early July, late July, etc)?

It sounds like your beliefs are different from your parents, perhaps? If that's the case, best of luck in getting to see eye-to-eye on your spiritual needs.

[/quote]

They are Catholic too. The reason they say no is because I'm scrupulous and want to go to Confession all the time.


#8

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:7, topic:330673"]
They are Catholic too. The reason they say no is because I'm scrupulous and want to go to Confession all the time.

[/quote]

If you and they both realize that you are scrupulous, they might have a valid point. Ask your confessor the next time you do go to confession.


#9

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:7, topic:330673"]
They are Catholic too. The reason they say no is because I'm scrupulous and want to go to Confession all the time.

[/quote]

If you are scrupulous then you should ask your parents to take you to speak with your pastor about that.


#10

If you are scrupulous and you are under 18 it is best to listen to your parents. They are trying to help you get over your scrupulosity.

However, I would talk to them and ask them to maybe meet with a priest ( or depending on how old you are, you could meet with him) or even just call him on the phone and ask him if this is advisable. Most likely he will agree. Priests often set time frames in which people will be allowed to go to confession if the person is scrupulous. It's a way to help you get over scrupulosity.

Just try to stay relaxed, contact your priest, and follow his advice :)

God Bless! :)


#11

I agree with all the advice given regarding being scrupulous. Best of luck with all of this!


#12

Scrupulous or not, it’s wrong of them to deny you the Sacraments. St. Joan of Arc went every day.


#13

[quote="Catholic80, post:12, topic:330673"]
Scrupulous or not, it's wrong of them to deny you the Sacraments. St. Joan of Arc went every day.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#14

[quote="Catholic80, post:12, topic:330673"]
Scrupulous or not, it's wrong of them to deny you the Sacraments. St. Joan of Arc went every day.

[/quote]

But, should I listen to them or disobey them?


#15

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:14, topic:330673"]
But, should I listen to them or disobey them?

[/quote]

It's a prudential matter. Yo usage a right to the sacraments, but are not required to go to confession before July. I would advise to go if you're sure that you're in mortal sin, but speak to you're priest about it.


#16

[quote="devoutchristian, post:15, topic:330673"]
It's a prudential matter. Yo usage a right to the sacraments, but are not required to go to confession before July. I would advise to go if you're sure that you're in mortal sin, but speak to you're priest about it.

[/quote]

That's just it. My pastor agrees with my parents, but I'm afraid. As I said in another post, he seems very lenient about sin. But still, if my confessor and my parents are saying the same thing, I think maybe I should listen. And really, Confession once a day wouldn't be enough for me. I feel like I'm in the state of mortal sin at least once every few hours. I just don't see how that's possible. I'm trying so hard. :( Please pray for me, everyone who reads this. Thank you, God bless.


#17

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:16, topic:330673"]
That's just it. My pastor agrees with my parents, but I'm afraid. As I said in another post, he seems very lenient about sin. But still, if my confessor and my parents are saying the same thing, I think maybe I should listen. And really, Confession once a day wouldn't be enough for me. ** I feel like I'm in the state of mortal sin at least once every few hours. ** I just don't see how that's possible. I'm trying so hard. :( Please pray for me, everyone who reads this. Thank you, God bless.

[/quote]

It isn't possible, which is why your pastor and parents have said you can't always be at Confession.

Yes, you do need to listen to your parents and your pastor.


#18

[quote="maryjk, post:17, topic:330673"]
It isn't possible, which is why your pastor and parents have said you can't always be at Confession.

Yes, you do need to listen to your parents and your pastor.

[/quote]

Thank you so much. :)


#19

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:7, topic:330673"]
They are Catholic too. The reason they say no is because I'm scrupulous and want to go to Confession all the time.

[/quote]

Is it your parent's who say you are scrupulous or you know you are scrupulous? If I don't get weekly confession, I fall more easily. John Paul II wen to weekly confession... and we always wondered how to become a Saint? ;) I think that's definitely going in the right direction if you ask me.

If you think you need to confess every little thing and are making sins bigger than they really are, you need to research the severity of your sins. E.g. If you steal bread from a rich man... sinful but not as bad as if you steal it from a very poor man. Understand the severity of your sins. Make appointments to get spiritual direction rather than just go to confession. If you don't understand how severe ( or not) the sin is, how can you have true contrition for it/them?

Get a Spiritual Director. That's what I do. You can call them and ask them about a specific sin if you are unsure of the severity of it (but you won't be able to go to confession. At least you'll know if you need it). I suffered from a specific sin that I committed out of addiction, but was running to confession daily to confess that sin. That is being scrupulous. I wasn't truly working on my sins, but finding a quick way to feed the addiction and running to confession to clean up the mess. It just doesn't work that way. I had my spiritual director tell me to stop coming to confession until I truly saw the severity of my sin and not take communion until I was truly ready to change my ways... let's just say it took a while for me to stop doing that because of the addiction, also because it was an enjoyable thing to do... but still sinful.

I hope this helps. Don't lose hope. God bless and praying for you.


#20

[quote="Nickname_Sam, post:16, topic:330673"]
That's just it. My pastor agrees with my parents, but I'm afraid. As I said in another post, he seems very lenient about sin. But still, if my confessor and my parents are saying the same thing, I think maybe I should listen. And really, Confession once a day wouldn't be enough for me. I feel like I'm in the state of mortal sin at least once every few hours. I just don't see how that's possible. I'm trying so hard. :( Please pray for me, everyone who reads this. Thank you, God bless.

[/quote]

Sounds to me you are dealing with compulsion/addiction. If you are committing the same sin every few hours, and the CCC/Catholic Church teaches it to be a mortal/grave sin in the normal sense, just feel better about it. Exerpt fro the CCC.

CCC 2352 ...] To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must** take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.**

The sin I suffered with was 3 to 4 times a day. This is how I dealt with stress, and the sin made me temporarily forget about my stresses.It is still grave sin in the normal sense, but because I was dealing with addiction, it lessened the sin to some degree. Still wrong, but not as grave. Now, I deal with stress in a more positive way, although I am human and still fall.

I will pray for you that you may find clarity and God's Holy Grace in all this. God bless you.

Dom


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