I'm 19 and I've been raised in a family I feel wasn't supportive about important things such as teaching me and my siblings about sex, family, why we have this faith, etc. Anything being said is basically 'Do this, not that. Cause we say so. Cause the Bible says so' etc. My parents are not in a happy marriage but stay together for us kids.
I have a civil, friendly but extremely distant relationship with my dad. I respect him and figure when the time comes when my parents are old and need someone to take care of them, I'll be the one to step in. I'm more than happy to do that but I don't want to have a friendship with my dad. I have forgiven him for the past and present, I'm not angry with him but I avoid him as much as possible. It's just the way it is, he had my entire life to be a good father and didn't. You reap what you sow and it now feels impossible to trust him.
My parents and family life isn't terrible at all, by any means. I'd say we have a better family than most. But me and my sister pray that we won't repeat their marriage or their mistakes, because we're sitting here having no clue about some important things we SHOULD know.
I want to get married one day but I don't know what a marriage is supposed to look like.
I feel myself being tugged toward the direction of wanting a big family but I'm afraid of my genetics and the fact that all my life I never cared for kids- because I was afraid of them! I still am! I was born with treacher collins syndrome and have been made fun of all my life by kids. So yeah, I'm scared of kids.
What's worse is that what I have has a 50% chance of handing this treacher collins down to my offspring. I would NEVER bring someone to this earth on those chances. I would NEVER put anyone through what I've been through. So maybe hope for geneticist and scientist miracles/help or adoption?
But I don't know what a family life is supposed to look like. The way God intended it.
Would any of you have any books, articles, websites, resources, or just personal experience info to help me learn more about this? Preferably with catholic influence in them?
Any help or point to the right direction will be wonderful. God bless!