What is marriage and family supposed to LOOK like?


#1

I'm 19 and I've been raised in a family I feel wasn't supportive about important things such as teaching me and my siblings about sex, family, why we have this faith, etc. Anything being said is basically 'Do this, not that. Cause we say so. Cause the Bible says so' etc. My parents are not in a happy marriage but stay together for us kids.

I have a civil, friendly but extremely distant relationship with my dad. I respect him and figure when the time comes when my parents are old and need someone to take care of them, I'll be the one to step in. I'm more than happy to do that but I don't want to have a friendship with my dad. I have forgiven him for the past and present, I'm not angry with him but I avoid him as much as possible. It's just the way it is, he had my entire life to be a good father and didn't. You reap what you sow and it now feels impossible to trust him.

My parents and family life isn't terrible at all, by any means. I'd say we have a better family than most. But me and my sister pray that we won't repeat their marriage or their mistakes, because we're sitting here having no clue about some important things we SHOULD know.

I want to get married one day but I don't know what a marriage is supposed to look like.
I feel myself being tugged toward the direction of wanting a big family but I'm afraid of my genetics and the fact that all my life I never cared for kids- because I was afraid of them! I still am! I was born with treacher collins syndrome and have been made fun of all my life by kids. So yeah, I'm scared of kids.

What's worse is that what I have has a 50% chance of handing this treacher collins down to my offspring. I would NEVER bring someone to this earth on those chances. I would NEVER put anyone through what I've been through. So maybe hope for geneticist and scientist miracles/help or adoption?

But I don't know what a family life is supposed to look like. The way God intended it.
Would any of you have any books, articles, websites, resources, or just personal experience info to help me learn more about this? Preferably with catholic influence in them?
Any help or point to the right direction will be wonderful. God bless!


#2

I'm going to assume you are a girl, if my assumption is right the best book you can get for you is The Catholic Girls Guide by Father Lasance, it will guide you in making the most important decisions in your life, including the two most important decision a person ever makes regarding marriage which is firstly should they marry and then who should they marry.


#3

Although we don't have a lot of supporting information, why not use the Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph as your models for what a marriage and family should look like? Saint Joseph was obedient to the Lord as was Mary, and they both taught Jesus before he started his ministry.

I would recommend that if your parish is doing any Bible studies or other adult education, that you sign up for any and all of that. If you want to learn more about the faith and why Catholics believe what we do, then do your research, educate yourself so you understand better than "Because the Bible says so."

Do you have any friends whose parents are still married and who show that they love and care for each other and for their children? You will know because when you are around that family, you will feel included in their love for one another. It might give you an ache in your heart for what you did not have, but you can then observe how they treat one another in that family, and work to improve your own ways of relating to other people.


#4

[quote="tambourine, post:1, topic:230583"]
I'm 19 and I've been raised in a family I feel wasn't supportive about important things such as teaching me and my siblings about sex, family, why we have this faith, etc. Anything being said is basically 'Do this, not that. Cause we say so. Cause the Bible says so' etc. My parents are not in a happy marriage but stay together for us kids.

I have a civil, friendly but extremely distant relationship with my dad. I respect him and figure when the time comes when my parents are old and need someone to take care of them, I'll be the one to step in. I'm more than happy to do that but I don't want to have a friendship with my dad. I have forgiven him for the past and present, I'm not angry with him but I avoid him as much as possible. It's just the way it is, he had my entire life to be a good father and didn't. You reap what you sow and it now feels impossible to trust him.

My parents and family life isn't terrible at all, by any means. I'd say we have a better family than most. But me and my sister pray that we won't repeat their marriage or their mistakes, because we're sitting here having no clue about some important things we SHOULD know.

I want to get married one day but I don't know what a marriage is supposed to look like.
I feel myself being tugged toward the direction of wanting a big family but I'm afraid of my genetics and the fact that all my life I never cared for kids- because I was afraid of them! I still am! I was born with treacher collins syndrome and have been made fun of all my life by kids. So yeah, I'm scared of kids.

What's worse is that what I have has a 50% chance of handing this treacher collins down to my offspring. I would NEVER bring someone to this earth on those chances. I would NEVER put anyone through what I've been through. So maybe hope for geneticist and scientist miracles/help or adoption?

But I don't know what a family life is supposed to look like. The way God intended it.
Would any of you have any books, articles, websites, resources, or just personal experience info to help me learn more about this? Preferably with catholic influence in them?
Any help or point to the right direction will be wonderful. God bless!

[/quote]

Theology of the Body can do much here. TOB for Beginners would be good. After that, Popcak has some good books on marriage if you are so inclined.

Remember, we are not all called to be biological parents. There are many ways you can be a "father figure" without having to actually raise your own children.

I understand your situation. Been there, done that. Your marriage is what you and your spouse want it to be. Trust me, there is some basic modeling but not a detailed checklist. Life throws many curves and what may work for one situation may not work for the next.

And for your parents, if you really want to forgive them, get to know why they are the way they are. You may find they didn't have much of a family either. But either way, know that they do love you but may have lost the way to love each other. BTW, it's never too late to try again.


#5

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